STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

and the saga continues...

blubirde · Chanel

Screw him, Lola. (Don't mean that to be mean, just to illustrate a point.) You have no choice but to move. You've been talking about moving since before you met him. Boston is probably the closest big city around you right? So it makes perfect sense that you want to go there. If he gets weirdy about it, then he'll answer a lot of questions for you about y'all's relationship won't he? Moving has absolutely nothing to do with him, so don't worry what he thinks and/or feels. Just worry about you.

And you haven't hid anything from him regarding the moving situation. That's none of his business. It's not weird to not tell him absolutely everything that may or may not be happening in your life. Don't feel weird about that at all.

My suggestion is this: move to Boston if you want to. If your ultimate goal is NYC, make it a priority. Save your pennies, look for a job, etc. You'll never do it if you don't. When September comes, make a decision. Stay in Boston, give California a try, or go for the gold and move to NYC. I know you can do it.

Seriously though, if you stay in the NE, how much will you miss your fam? Will it be terrible for you or can you handle it?

-- Edited by blubirde at 16:26, 2005-04-07

honey · Gucci

well i'm biased b/c i love boston. i spent most of my childhood (outside of a 7 year stint in tx) there and sometimes i think about moving back, but then i remember how cold it is and wake up from my daydream.

as far as the boy is concerned i would not even think about it. (easier said then done) i think you're falling into that trap that many women -- myself included-- are guilty of in that we overanalyze everything. moving to boston was a decision you made independent of him, if he thinks that you're moving to be closer to him then he's crazy. i would not make a big deal out of it and probably tell him after you've gotten everything settled in terms of your apt, etc. just mention casually in conversation that you're moving.

if you are planning on getting advice from the boy (like on different neighborhoods, etc.) prior to moving then you should probably tell him in advance. and you do run the risk of appearing as though you're moving to be near him (but ri and boston are so close to begin with). but honestly that should be the least of your concerns b/c he's going to think what he's going to think regardless of what happens so you should focus on making the best decision for you.

what are you going to do about your job? i was under the impression that you work in ri, are you going to do a reverse commute?

also (and this is just my crazy opinion) since you've always wanted to move to nyc, why don't you give it a shot now. it kind of seems like the timing is right. you would probably need almost the same amount of money to make the move b/c the rent prices aren't that different. and you already have an out, if it doesn't work out you can go to cali in sept.

Andrea Julia · Coach

I second blubirde's advice! If you want to move there, you should just do it. As long as you don't say anything like, "now I'll be closer to you" or "now we can hang out more," there is really no reason for him to think he had anything to do with your move. If he did, he would be pretty freakin' arrogant. I would definitely be having the same worries as you in your situation though.

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
"Seriously though, if you stay in the NE, how much will you miss your fam? Will it be terrible for you or can you handle it?-- Edited by blubirde at 16:26, 2005-04-07"

I think I can handle it...it is more my mom that can't. she feels awful that i may be staying here. she doesn't want it to seem like she is ditching me for my sister. I TOTALLY know she is not and I'm soooo happy for her that she is moving there. She loves it out there and she has been unhappy ever since the divorce and she could really use a lifestyle change. I think the only difficult parts would be the holidays, I would just have to go out to sunny california for my holidays though :)

My opinion on missing my family may change though after being w/ out them for a while, shich is also why I don't want to sign a long term comitment lease...

bostongal · BCBG

Well, being that I live in Boston I think you should definitely move here you will love it :)

As for the boy... I think you should do whatever is going to make you happy. If that's moving to Boston, it's moving to Boston! And if he can't see that you are doing it for yourself, and that it makes you happy and there is nothing more to it (in terms of the two of you) than that, then he does NOT deserve to be with you. Your happiness should be formost in his mind here. There are so many great people out in the world, you don't want to get bogged down by one who won't support you in what makes you happy. That being said, I don't think he'll feel weird about it - you know other people there, you like the city, it seems a natural progression for you!

I would definitely try craigslist for apartments, most people list on there and you won't have to pay a broker fee. There are TONS Of summer sublets coming up right now all over the place because there are so many students who go away for the summer. If you decide you want to stay, lots of apartment come up again in August and September so you'd have a very easy time finding another place.

I think you are working in development right now - if it's a field you want to stay in, let me know because I have lots of connex here and would be happy to try to find some positions for you!

Hermes

I would do whatever it takes to move to NYC. That was my plan at one time, and I ended up not doing it because of the potential future of a relationship and family.

This may be your only opportunity to take advantage of moving to NYC - you are so untied to anything right now - take advantage of it even if it's going to be a struggle, it'll be worth it. Besides, you are setting it up to be for the summer - come fall you can decide if Boston or California is a better choice for you.

You have 3 paths in front of you right now - take the path of your dreams not one of ease or convenience.

JMO

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: honey
" what are you going to do about your job? i was under the impression that you work in ri, are you going to do a reverse commute? also (and this is just my crazy opinion) since you've always wanted to move to nyc, why don't you give it a shot now. it kind of seems like the timing is right. you would probably need almost the same amount of money to make the move b/c the rent prices aren't that different. and you already have an out, if it doesn't work out you can go to cali in sept. "

I am going to quit my job. i told myself that I would work in this position (in fundraising at the Red Cross) for a year for experience. It'll be a year in June. I want to work in PR/advertising. I'm working on my resume right now and will send it out in May. I am thinking of just taking a waitressing job in June and save a shitload of money to get myself started off and then find a job by July. this is my timeline :)

As for NYC, the cost of living is just waaayyyy too expensive for me right now. I want to spend around $550 on rent and found about 15 sublets for this price in Boston...plus it's all so quick and I feel like I can handle Boston. It's familiar to me, it feels homey...w/ NYC I feel like I need to be a lot more prepared than i am.

Also NYC is icky in the summer, I HATE NYC in the summer... Buuuttt, maybe I'll live in Boston for the summer and think about NYC come Sept. I think that would be a better progression for me. From home, to a city like home, to the BIG city! :)

-- Edited by Lola at 16:55, 2005-04-07

sfcaligirl · Dooney & Bourke

this boy does not have any claim on boston! if you want to move there, go for it.

i can understand why you might feel a little weird though. after i graduated college, i wanted to move to boston but my ex (we had broken up our last semester) got a job there and settled there first. i was afraid to move there because i thought he (and other people) would think that i had followed him. then i got over it. i realized that boston was not his city and i was free to do whatever i wanted. i'm so glad i moved there- and he didn't even have the reaction that i was afraid of at all- he was excited. (well, at least he pretended to be!)

point is, do whatever you need to do- if he thinks it has anything to do with him, he's one arrogant piece of work....

-- Edited by sfcaligirl at 16:58, 2005-04-07

Karina · Chanel

I TOTALLY agree with blubirde & detroit

Hermes

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
" Also NYC is icky in the summer, I HATE NYC in the summer... Buuuttt, maybe I'll live in Boston for the summer and think about NYC come Sept. I think that would be a better progression for me. From home, to a city like home, to the BIG city! :)-- Edited by Lola at 16:55, 2005-04-07"

well, if you wait to move to NYC in the fall, you're just going to have to turn around and move next summer since NYC is icky in the summer. Where are you going to move next summer? to California?

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
" I am going to quit my job. i told myself that I would work in this position (in fundraising at the Red Cross) for a year for experience. It'll be a year in June. I want to work in PR/advertising. I'm working on my resume right now and will send it out in May. I am thinking of just taking a waitressing job in June and save a shitload of money to get myself started off and then find a job by July. this is my timeline :) As for NYC, the cost of living is just waaayyyy too expensive for me right now. I want to spend around $550 on rent and found about 15 sublets for this price in Boston...plus it's all so quick and I feel like I can handle Boston. It's familiar to me, it feels homey...w/ NYC I feel like I need to be a lot more prepared than i am. Also NYC is icky in the summer, I HATE NYC in the summer... Buuuttt, maybe I'll live in Boston for the summer and think about NYC come Sept. I think that would be a better progression for me. From home, to a city like home, to the BIG city! :)-- Edited by Lola at 16:55, 2005-04-07"

Is there any way you could sublet in Boston for the summer and waitress, all the while sending out resumes to places in NYC? It's not hard to come down for the day for an interview, and you can schedule more than one per day. If you start sending out resumes to NYC firms now, and continue to do so during the summer, you have a better chance of getting a job here for the fall. As for rent... it is hard to find a place that has a cheap rent. The lowest I've seen is approx $1100/month in Manhattan. But, if you get a job in PR you'll likely be making enough to pay this as a rent. If you really want to live in NYC, I can't really think of a way to 'prepare' yourself for it -- the City is overwhelming in that way (a good way, usually).

ETA: Yes, the summers are awful. Hot and HUMID! But, we all kvetch about it, and then move on with our lives. There's so much here that is a distraction from the weather...

-- Edited by Starstuff at 17:21, 2005-04-07

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Karina
"I TOTALLY agree with blubirde & detroit"

Can I just say I LOVE your tagline? Fabulous!

Lola, I think you know what you're going to do. Boys will come and go (even this one has that potential) so don't worry what he thinks. It's your life and your decision.

Here's what I think about NYC: you could wait until September but what if you get a new job in Boston in July? Will you really be prepared to quit after such a short time there? It's just that there is always something that will keep you from going. And now may not be the best time for you but if you really want it, then when will be? If moving to NYC is what you really want, then I suggest making all your plans aimed at that goal. (money, career, living arrangements, etc.) If you can't afford it this second, spend the summer looking for a job there, working at a job that will allow you to save the most money, and move in September.

Besides, I need someone to stay with next time I come up to NYC!

honey · Gucci

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
" I am going to quit my job. i told myself that I would work in this position (in fundraising at the Red Cross) for a year for experience. It'll be a year in June. I want to work in PR/advertising. I'm working on my resume right now and will send it out in May. I am thinking of just taking a waitressing job in June and save a shitload of money to get myself started off and then find a job by July. this is my timeline :) As for NYC, the cost of living is just waaayyyy too expensive for me right now. I want to spend around $550 on rent and found about 15 sublets for this price in Boston...plus it's all so quick and I feel like I can handle Boston. It's familiar to me, it feels homey...w/ NYC I feel like I need to be a lot more prepared than i am. Also NYC is icky in the summer, I HATE NYC in the summer... Buuuttt, maybe I'll live in Boston for the summer and think about NYC come Sept. I think that would be a better progression for me. From home, to a city like home, to the BIG city! :)-- Edited by Lola at 16:55, 2005-04-07"

nyc isn't so bad in the summer

i totally understand where you're coming from. while nyc is expensive, it's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. plus it's definitely possible to find a shared sublet (maybe not in manhattan) but close by in your price range, and there so many bars and restaurants to work in. i know you'll make the best decision for you, but just wanted to give you some more food for thought...

ico · Dooney & Bourke

Hi, Lola.

first of all, don't let any "boy" influence your decision to do or not do something. Decide whether you want to move to Boston without considering what/how he could think.

Second, here is my experience. I came to NYC from Italy for grad school. I had 800$, 3 months paid in the dorm, my guitar and a suitcase. Besides all the junk I have now, as a friend kindly put it, I was able to survive in NY for 3 years on a grad student scholarship. And be aware: international students can't get a job off campus!

I'd say, it is totally feasible. I was living in Brooklyn, and don't get scared by this: Brooklyn has some nice areas (comparable to SoHo or even better), it is quieter that Manhattan (in case you feel like sleeping at night), and in any moment you can hop on the subway and go to Bloomies (or SoHo, or NoLita, or TriBeCa, or Greenwich village... boy if I miss NY!)

That said, I have never been in Boston, so I can't say what is better/ more expensive.

Good luck making your decision!

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

haha, Ok...NYC is awesome, I was considering moving there, and I want to live there at one point in my life, but I know right now is not the best time for me to be moving there. It would be too overwhelming for me. I can already feel it. I know what feels right for me and NYC is not it right now. :)

Is that a better statement than just saying it is icky in the summer? lol...

and bostongal, definitely PM me! Although I'm trying to get into PR, I still enjoy Development and would consider still doing it if the fit is right! :)

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

edited. i'm going to stop meddling because i don't really know the situation and feel like it's better that i keep out of it. i wish you best of luck with your decision--whichever way you decide to go, you have a whole new exciting adventure ahead of you and it will be great!

-- Edited by bumblebee at 13:24, 2005-04-08

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
"haha, Ok...NYC is awesome, I was considering moving there, and I want to live there at one point in my life, but I know right now is not the best time for me to be moving there. It would be too overwhelming for me. I can already feel it. I know what feels right for me and NYC is not it right now. :) Is that a better statement than just saying it is icky in the summer? lol... and bostongal, definitely PM me! Although I'm trying to get into PR, I still enjoy Development and would consider still doing it if the fit is right! :)"

Fine. Don't move there and give me a place to stay when I come visit. I don't care.

But seriously if you know it's not for you, then there you go. Problem solved. Besides I hear Boston is a fabulous city. And $550 for rent - damn! I could afford a whole pair of Manolos or Choos every, single month if I paid that little for rent. Hmmm... you say this is in Boston do you?

lynnie · Chanel

I think you should move to Boston for the summer. I think the boy definitely is a factor, and that's not a bad thing! I'm the same way! Think of it this way, if he lived in NYC, you probably wouldn't waste any time moving there! But there are lots of great things about Boston, and I think you'll be really happy as long as you don't rely on him too much. If you are still planning on moving to NYC later- I think you should waitress (or other similarly high-paid temp job) during the summer and send out resumes to places in both cities during the summer. If you find out Boston isn't your cup of tea- you can always move to NYC. But you may be offered the perfect job in Boston, or meet the perfect guy (I hear Boston has some cuties!), or this guy may work out to be the one for you. I think you should try it out!

Metric · Gucci

Lola, I think that when you tell him don't make a big deal out of it. Be super casual, almost aloof. And make sure you say something to the effect that you're moving there for you, (its the right time in your life, whatever) not for him. From your other posts I've read, he sounds like a guy who likes his space and he might think you moving to Boston is all about him (just my observation, I could be totally wrong) so kinda stress that this is about your life.

Anyway, good luck and congrats!