STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

 

my bf and i didn't say it for TWO YEARS.  i think that is a long time.  i was going nuts.  it really bothered me, but i was not going to be the one to say it first.  part of me thought it was because we were long distance which naturally, you don't progress as fast as when you see someone everyday.  but i knew that he loved me, but he was like your bf (i have now broken him in ).  it bothered me, but when he did say it, i knew he meant it.  not like some guys who just throw it out there like nobody's business.  since i didn't want to say it, i sent him e-mails instead that said how i felt about him, but not with those three words.  i feel for you, but at least if/when he says it, he'll probably mean it.  if you really want to say it, go for it, but understand that it may have the same effect on him that it did on you with those other guys.   it might be good to throw it out there cuz then you would know if you two are on the same page (just be careful).  good luck.  let us know how things work out!!!

I'm not the right person to answer this, because I'm never graceful under pressure (think Bridget Jones on crack). BUT I think telling someone you love them is great. Don't be afraid. If this person deserves your love I'm sure they'll only see the positive in your declaration of feelings.

I think you have it right: "No strings, no if, ands, or buts, and no expectations. I just want you to know that I love you."

Good luck!

yeah crystal I am with you exactly. I'd be OK if he didn't say it back right away--he doesn't spend a lot of time analyzing his feelings so it's entirely possible he never thought of it that way, and maybe after thinking about it for a few weeks he'll realize he does, too. But then I don't know how long to wait! The thing is, I really really don't want him to feel pressured, but on the other hand, I realized it's not totally true that it doesn't change anything either. Because if a few months go by and he still doesn't feel the same, I would have to break up with him (which would be, to borrow that great line from the stupid kevin costner robinhood movie, like cutting out my own heart with a spoon). It seems OK to be in a relationship where one person arrives at that point first and the other takes a little time to catch up but gets there, but if the months start dragging by then I would have to realize that he is probably never going to get there. Especially after we've been dating this long already.

Sigh. The truth of it is, I can sit here and theorize and guess and bite my nails but I won't know anything, good or bad, until I just TELL him. And if the outcome is going to be bad, then it is much better to get it out of the way than to let things drag on for a few more months so that I am just that much MORE hurt when it falls apart. Nope, have to tell him.

BTW shopgirl, the little dog in your picture is the cutest thing I have ever seen. Makes me go awww every time I see one of your posts.

i don't really have any advice to give on this subject matter because i've never said "i love you" to a boyfriend before.  is that weird?  i'm just not the type of person who can throw those words around and i won't say it until i'm 100% sure.  i have been in love before though.  with my college boyfriend.  but i never told him!  there was a lot going on in my life while we were dating- my parents were in the process of getting a divorce, etc.  i think that made me especially hesitant to tell him.  but now i totally regret not telling him how i felt about him and how important he was to me.  i honestly think that if i had been more open with him, we would have stayed together for a long time. 

anyway, my point is just tell him.  it's much better than keeping it inside... good luck!

My “words of wisdom” are just because he may freak out a little or not say it back that doesn’t mean he doesn't love you.

My boyfriend and I were dating a little over a year when he said it. I totally ignored it and pretended like I didn’t hear him. I find all that emotional love crap so awkward and weird. I kept planning on bringing it up, but I never did.
About a year after that (dating for 2 years) we were at a wedding and he told me again- I soooo should have known it was coming. I kind of mumbled it back to him. I did/do love him, but it is just not my thing. I had never said that to anyone that I didn’t have to love- like family.

I think think you should talk to him before you say it or right after you say it, so he knows it is coming. I probably would have handled the situation better if it weren’t just thrown at me. We were watching The Exorcist –it just seemed like pretty random time to drop that on somebody.

Good luck and I bet everything will work out.