STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Um, yes- i totally feel this.  Its like- you want more to happen, but you dont want to have to push it if hes not.  I think girls have the natural tendency to over analyze things, so maybe its due to that??  I met this guy who i actually am interested in on St. Patricks day, but he's so freakin vague & hard to read as well.  I cant tell if he's interested either.  Ive gone to breakfast with him & hung out with him this weekend, but still nothing.... I dont understand.  I dont like to have to figure things out, or analyze what that meant. ya know? ugh.

Guys are weird creatures.  

We are not alone!!!!

It's funny. I don't have a boyfriend and the thought of one scares the bejeezus out of me (of course y'all know that though) BUT I still want to know how people I date feel. I honestly think I could take it if they weren't that interested, were just interested in sex, were super into me, or whatever. I just want to KNOW!!!! There are those you can tell immediately and maybe in retrospect, you can tell with all of them but you just don't want to admit it to yourself.

Recently I came out and asked one of my, um, "friends" how he felt. I told him, straight out, that I liked him, wasn't interested in any kind of committment but how did he feel? He said he felt the same - no on the girlfriend card and yes on the I want to hang out with you and you make me laugh card. (Those are my words, of course. His were much less elequent.)

Of course, he's not speaking to me now so maybe that's not the best idea.... But that's a whole other story involving me asking another boy to join us in an outing, which did not go as planned at all. Don't ask - I'm officially insane and don't know what I'm doing.

But, Lola, this is the same guy who you thought was not into you after y'all first met. And how wrong were you? Can we get a chorus here? Waaaay wrong. So maybe you should just open up and let him know how you feel and see where that gets you. Or maybe not. He's a scorpio and they like mystery. Damn, I'm stuck. I can see advantages and disadvantages for every action.

He did take you to meet his work folks and to me, that's a big deal. Actions speak louder than words. Is there anything in particular he's done or hasn't done that makes you wonder?

trust your instincts and just try to take things slow and get to know him.  because the real question isn't whether he likes you, but do you like him?

by the way, is this the myspace guy?  has he stopped adding other chicks to his profile? 

esquiress, no he hasn't added more girls to his profile since I posted it here a couple weeks ago. But I guess that was still in the back of my head...so that supports my case!

We are totally taking things slow...but i'm anxious already! :) That's probably what is going through his head, "take it slow"...which I guess is the right thing to do...

he has done a few little cute slipups though, like one time he called me when he was out w/ his friends and instead of saying goodbye he said "love ya!" followed by silence and a "errr.." I just laughed it off, it was pretty funny and his roomate was right next to him when he said it, so it's now his roomate's way of saying goodbye to us both...it's actually quite humurous...

And do I like him?...ugghh I like him so MUCH! He is so everything I want in a man...such an awesome guy...he's great.

and JoceyBaby23 he's only met one of my friends so far but she loves him.

I think what I'm lacking from him is eye contact and just that "head over heels" feeling, like swept off my feet...we have a great time together, and he is certainly not boring, we always do fun stuff...you know what, I'm officially clueless. I haven't dated in forever, I don't know WHAT to do. He likes me. I'm going to shut up now. thank you. :)

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Originally posted by: lorelei
"been there!   it sounds like there is a very good chance that he is really into you.  right now you are in that gray area though, so tread lightly and don't think too hard about him.  be pleasent and friendly and also don't be entirely available to him all the time, don't know if you are, but keep yourself a mystery to him and if he is already into you, you will know sooner than if he starts getting the vibe that you need a definition."

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Lola you are crazy, girl! I think it's obvious he likes you and is into you. I think you just want him to come out and say "I like you a lot. I'm into you." or maybe more accurately, "You are the most amazing woman I've ever met. I can see us together for a long time." Am I right?

I don't know about him specifically but I think most guys are scared shitless to say things like that. They'll say them but it takes time and, most likely, some kind of reassurance on their end that you can say the same thing about them.

I'm a firm believer in actions over words. (As I've already said.) Seriously, a guy can tell you he loves you until he's blue in the face but if you have to pay for dinner and you never meet his friends, what good is it? I don't know... it's possible he's trying to convince himself he likes you but I just don't buy it. Why waste ample dating time with someone you're not into?

I think the real question here is - do you love him? Are you afraid you might be getting there and you want him to get there first? Are you afraid of getting hurt?

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Originally posted by: Lola
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I know where you're coming from. There are two answers. 1) Bite the bullet and lay it all out there. (Seeing as how the last guy I tried this with is no longer speaking to me... I don't recommend this one. Of course, it really had more to do with me inviting a date along on our date but still.) or 2) sucking it up and just waiting to see what happens. This is the one I recommend and again, I wouldn't wait because I don't have that kind of patience but it's definitely the one I wish I would do. - At least I'm smart enough to know the right answer, even if I don't do it myself, right? - But you have to get your head under control or you'll drive yourself crazy! I don't have any advice how to do that but I'm certain it's a necessity. (How's that for an excellent how-to? Do "A" but I have no idea how to do "A." Right. That's why I'm not a therapist.)

Maybe sing really loud every time you start thinking about what he thinks. Or buy a piece of jewelry - on 2nd thought, don't do that one, you'll just create massive amounts of debt.  Maybe paint a wall or something to relieve your anxieties. I don't know. These are all crummy ideas but like I said, I don't know how to stop thinking about what other people think. If you figure it out, let me know! (Actually, this is the point I start dating other men, so I think it's fairly obvious I don't have any solutions!!!)

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Originally posted by: Lola
"*update* (warning, rant ahead) so here's an example why I am confused...so we IM back and forth yesterday. He says that he will be in town for work so I ask: me: what are you doing after him: no plans yet me: wanna do something? him: wow, I think this is the first time you asked me to do something! me: really? we've just been working around your calendar I thought, you're the world traveller here... him: whatever, how long have I know you now? me: a while huh? ok then it's settled I'm making plans for us this friday! him: bout time!   ok, so this is the tone he take w/ me sometimes...I mean the comment was really not needed that I never make plans for us because #1 I live at home...so why would he want to come all the way to my place (in stupid RI) when I can just go to his place in Boston where I can sleep over and have fun in a cool city? and #2 I HAVE invited him up here before and he has hung out w/ me in Prov and we decided that it is just better to hang in Boston...and #3 I don't know Boston so how the hell could I make plans in Boston...ACTUALLY I have a friend in Boston and I actually DID make plans one night for us and we all met up at a bar... so this is what I mean, he takes this wierd tone w/ me sometimes.. to top it all off, I talk w/ him last night and start bringing up things that we can do and he's like "oh would you mind if I left at 9-ish, I made plans w/ Scott to go out in Boston" Okaayyyy...SO he tells me I don't make plans and criticizes me for it, then I put forth the effort made all these plans w/ all these people, and then he blows me off??? He tried to play it off as though we didn't actually say that we were going out, when in the IM it was totally clear that I was making plans and he knew it...then he said "Well it's not like I'm going to sleep over your mom's or anything..." No shit dumbass! I'm so friggin confused...I'm NOT going to get all pissy w/ him though...but I don't get him at all..."

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omg - you crack me up! I can just picture you saying this exact thing in person.

My vibe from the IM conversation you posted was that he was joking with you. But maybe there's an underlying issue. Maybe he feels like he is the one always expressing interest in y'all hanging out. For instance, there was one guy who I felt I was always trying to get to do things with me, even though he did ask me to lunch, to see a movie now and then, etc. But those instances were so few and far between that I felt like I was the only one interested in the relationship. I felt that if he suggested more things for us to do, I would know he wanted us to do things together, hence he wanted to hang out with me, hence he liked me. Does that make sense at all? I'm not sure if that's the situation with you guys or not but his response in the IM conversation sounds like something I would say when I was joking with that one guy, albeit a bit passive/aggresively.

However, I think it's perfectly clear you intended to do something together. That part is obvious and if he says it isn't he's either forgotten or is ignoring it for his benefit (i.e. he'd rather go out with his friend in Boston than get all hot and bothered with you and then have to go home because he can't sleep at your mom's house).

I'd straight out ask him about the 9ish thing (that's what I'm calling it for lack of a better term), because it seems obvious y'all had plans. I think it's okay to tell him it kind of hurt your feelings that he made plans with someone on the same night y'all were supposed to be going out. It's better than letting it simmer and seep out in other ways. (This is how women get labeled "psycho" - because we don't say what's really on our minds when it's on our minds and instead express our negative emotions in other ways.)

Oh yeah, sorry for the extended use of "y'all" - I am from Texas.