STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lynnie · Chanel

RE: I have no friggin clue! *update*

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

OMG you all are frickin awesome!!! Thank you soooo much for all the responses. I'm taking it all in and will probably re-read after. You all had some great points...I think you are all on to something in that he is a bit of a control freak maybe...? I'll have to observe his actions more to determine it...I'm going to still feel him out though. He will be really busy w/ work anyway for the month of April, away on a lot of business trips so maybe I'll take advantage of that time and see other people, if the opportunity arises, I'm just too damn picky ;)

Again thank you, and I'm am definitely going to be careful w/ this one! :)

ShanKel · Kenneth Cole

Ok I've been keeping up with this and just thought i'd add my 2 cents.....

i agree with the others that there are red flags popping up everywhere, but i also think that not every good relationship is smooth sailing when you get together. I agree with lynnie that it could be hard because he is an older guy and used to being a bachelor. It takes time for them to want to settle down again and some of them never want to settle down. With that said i think you should see other people, if the opportunity arises(I understand, I'm very picky too). You should look at this like you are just friends and if something happens-cool, if not-thats cool too. I know its easier said then done but you have to protect your feelings here. I also agree that him picking out what you should wear could be a sign of him being controlling but he could also just really be into fashion. Its just like your friend telling you what she thinks you would look nice in. If you continue to date him, i'm sure you will figure out which one it is. I dont think you should stop seeing him but definitely don't ignore the red flags either.

Good luck Lola

Oh, one more thing....I believe that the guy should initiate the beginning of a serious relationship, that way we won't have to doubt ourselves or question if thats what he really wants.

Mia · Kate Spade

Hmmm...just read this whole thread through. And to be perfectly honest, I am detecting a faint whiff of (male) psycho here. This, in particular, is bothersome:

"Yes I am busy, and no I'm not going to send you my calander...but you can ask me if I am around or what my plans are for X time or X date."

That was a jerk thing to say. He seems to have some preconceived ideas about women, and he's judging you based on those. That comment about "and no I'm going to send you my calendar" would have been it for me. Everyone is being thoughtful and diplomatic and advising you to take your time, see others etc., but I just...I dunno, I get bad vibes off this guy and if it were me I would be done with it. You deserve someone who is going to respect you, treat you well and be careful with your feelings. Nothing less.

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

The whole thing w/ him suggesting what I should wear I think is getting blown out of proportion a little. I asked him what I should wear to the event. He already knew I had R&R jeans and knew the brand cuz he almost bought a pair. That's the only time he ever suggested something for me to wear, cuz I asked.

As for the "calendar" comment, yeah, it peeves me too...also the "activity director" comment puts me on edge...why be so crass? seriously man, no need for that...there's honesty and openness but then there's also tactfullness that should be considered too.

Like I said before, he is going to be super busy w/ work this coming month so we won't be able to see each other much, and I'll be going to Cali for 10 days (woo hoooo!) and then in the beginning of May he will be going to PR for 7 days...so I probably won't be seeing much of him...which I think will be a good thing.

On another note, he met my sister for the first time on Friday, she loves him, he's just so cute and nice and funny. seriously, I can't figure this one out, like Jeckyl and Hyde I tell ya...well not that bad, but I swear he's a cutie...when I look at everything I want in a man, he's it. He's got it all. The thing about him is that he is obsessively honest about everything, sometimes to a fault and he should probably shut his mouth.

Also he's totally bringing hurt emotions from his last relationship into this one. Totally damaged goods. not cool. Don't know if I can deal w/ that.

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
"The thing about him is that he is obsessively honest about everything, sometimes to a fault and he should probably shut his mouth. "

Actually, I disagree Lola. I think he's actually being pretty passive/aggressive (with the whole calendar, suggesting things, activity director, etc. thing). To be honest would be to say whatever it is he's really thinking, which I don't know. (i.e. how he feels, dating other people, meeting up with you, etc.) He's hiding whatever it is he's actually thinking by comments like these. And the attitude he is taking with you is completely defensive. He's putting up walls for some reason - either you've gotten too close or you touched a nerve or he's mad or whatever. I know this because I've been guilty of it myself. I'm not that mean but I recognize a defensive statement when I see one. He's trying to keep things on his terms and keep you guessing. There's not necessarily anything wrong with that in the beginning but the further along it gets, the less "okay" that's going to be.

Take the activity director comment. If he was actually being honest he would have said something like: I feel a little weird always suggesting our activities. I feel like I'm being the active one in the relationship and I feel kinda off about that. Maybe if you suggested some things sometime, I might feel a little more secure in taking the active role more often. (Or whatever his true motives were for the act. dir. comment.)

I'm definitely not saying he's a bad guy, because if you like him so much and your sister likes him, then he's got to have some good things going for him. Just don't let him trick you into thinking he's doing everything right and not at fault at all for any miscommunication you all might be having. He's probably pretty used to calling his own shots and running away from a girl when it gets difficult. Make him work for ya girl!