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Lola


Dooney & Bourke

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Striped Shirt
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a little vulgar (well very)...but funny as hell! I'm sure you've all met one of these...


http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=11&StoryID=239&Layout


 










Posted: 3/18/2005 by: Mike Polk








Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so fucking loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 fucking yards tonight! I’m that fucking pumped!

I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I fucking love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!

I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!

I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!

I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!








Party FuelI will valet tonight!

I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!

I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!

When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to fucking party again tomorrow!



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Collette


Chanel

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That is hysterical. I have to send this to my FH as work.

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honey


Gucci

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i saw that the other day. it's so funny and true (of certain people).

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D


Hermes

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that is so funny... unfortunately, I know several men that are pieces to that puzzle, fortunately, none of them are the whole picture!

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gruiz


Kenneth Cole

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I just bought my fiance two striped shirts from the Gap. Perhaps I'll exchange them...

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Maddie


Coach

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Ugh, that is who the floor of boys who live above me are going to be in a few years.

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jess


Kenneth Cole

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Oh wow... So dead on for a lot of Houston boys.  I wish I could forward this to ONE in particular, but they might get a little offended. This is soo funny!

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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: jess
"Oh wow... So dead on for a lot of Houston boys.  I wish I could forward this to ONE in particular, but they might get a little offended. This is soo funny!"

You are not kidding!!! If you threw all the Houston boys and the Dallas boys into one big boy soup, the broth would be striped. And stink of bad cologne. <shudder> That's why I live in Austin.


I'm so gonna forward this to my guy friends! They only wish they were cool enough to be striped-shirt boy. sigh. It's just sad really.



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sage


Dooney & Bourke

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I am laughing at blubirde's big boy soup comment. Very funny!! I thought the striped shirt thing was funny but it is sad in a way. It drives me insane when people like that call someone "Chief". gawd. Or how about the ever popular "Big guy"? Bah!! On the flip side, I was once called "Ducky" by a man with an Irish accent when I gave him some information on the phone. This is acceptable. " Thanks ducky"

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kenzie


Chanel

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HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! This is hilarious. It describes 90% of the idiots in my town.  My bf is particularly fond of striped shirts, but fortunately, he does not behave like that.

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blink


Coach

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hmm, it's not like it's really the striped shirt (I like striped shirts!!), but the whole dime a dozen kind of guy at a typical popular night club.  and there is definitely something I can't stand about red bull/vodka drinkers too.

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