STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

RE: Wedding help! i've never been to one...

lynnie · Chanel

ViViDogWear wrote:

Wow! I feel like I've been in most of your positions - transitioning from Lynnie's situation to now one of "the marrieds".

Lynnie - I remember my first real "friend's" wedding I was sooo poor. Luckily, my friends asked if I could get them a few throw pillows from my work (which I did, plus an extra floor cushion and a throw from their registry). They're consideration and my creativeness I think made for a nice but relatively inexpensive gift.
I understand your frustration all too well and I think your idea of making something special is really nice (especially for the shower). The wedding gift itself tends to be something supposedly used for "both of them" so I'm not sure if a dress or jewelry fits.

In general now that I'm in a more comfortable situation, I will spend at least 100 per person (i.e if going w/DH, I'd spend $200+) This must be a total "asian" thing, but we don't want the couple to "lose" money on the wedding. Again, a gift is a "gift". Something that should only be given if the gifter wants to give something.

I like to pick something memorable from the registry that isn't too day-to-day things (i.e. a trash can). My favorite gifts are common on all registries so you have to act fast: wine cooler, china, silverware.

hth and I just have to say I agree with Suasoria "Other than weddings and first babies, there's an occasional housewarming gift, and what?" it's pretty true from what i see.

That's very considerate of your friend!

I will see my friend in March for the bachelorette party (wedding is may) and sort of feel it out. I dont feel strange getting her something, and then maybe a smaller thing for the both of them. I will also talk to the bridesmaids soon via email about getting a bigger present between all of us.

I know she took the time to register and all but i even remember her complaining when her other friends were registering about how she didn't like the idea and didn't want people to feel like they had to choose those things. And looking at her registry- there are very few FUN things on it. It's like, stainless steel toilet plungers and stuff. Absolutely no china or silverware or even cooking things. I really don't think they need anything- like I said- she's very well provided for. If I decide to go w/the registry, there is a lamp on there that I'm eyeing with a red lampshade.

sfclinevandy · Coach

As someone who has been the single girl at weddings, as well as a recent smug married (that reference is not derogatory people, it's from Bridget Jones)... here is my perspective.

I had a big, Southern wedding. With 5 showers... different groups of friends/family wanted to throw them I let it be known to my girlfriends I didn't expect gifts at the showers or wedding because I was in the same financial/beginning career stage as them and didn't want them feeling obligated to buy fancy things of the registries. I made the registries to appease my mom and yeah, I got a ridiculous amout of crystal, china and kitchen stuff. But I didn't expect my friends to buy stuff of them and I was actually happy they didn't.

The best gifts were from my girlfriends who didn't do the registry route/ traditional gifts. I did have a lingerie shower that was just attended by my friends and I got everything from J. Crew lounge pants to ridiculously overpriced, frilly bras... and I loved it all.

And for wedding gifts... my favorites included:

-Connect Four (yes, the AWESOME game from childhood) and a huge bottle of Vodka. So random yet so much fun and something everyone NEEDS... you don't know how much fun drunk Connect Four is!
-A painting made by my super talented friend who is an art teacher.
-A jewelry bag for travel with my new monogram
-An apron and dish towels from Anthro

Moral of the story... your gift does not have to be typical wedding junk. It will be more memorable and heartfelt if you give something you think the couple will love... whatever it is.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Honestly, I think it's pretty important etiquette-wise to avoid any appearance of shaking down your friends for any event in your life Particularly weddings. If you're a bridesmaid, which costs a lot of money, I've always understood that you don't owe the bride a present, and no decent person would ever think of getting huffy about it. If your friends want to get you a small present to recognize your milestone, then ok. But the whole wedding industry of buying specifically designated gifts that have been pre-selected is a big ick. Miss Manners, Carolyn Hax, and Amy Post would totally agree with me. You never owe anyone anything. No one ever owes you anything. And it's tacky to mention any expectation of a present. Ever.