STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Irene · Dooney & Bourke

I need help with managing stress.

Karina · Chanel

Maybe you need to speak to a psychologist/psychiatrist...

dc · Dooney & Bourke

My latest thing is the phrase "f*ck 'em." Seriously, I got this from my friend. I would complain to her about my stress, and it's very often to do with other people's expectations at work and personally (family responsibilities, etc), and she was like, "You know what? F*ck 'em. You can only do so much." So when that starts to build up on me, I just mentally say "f*ck 'em." It's like a mantra. It's a huge relief, I tell you. It doesn't really mean that you disrespect them or their needs, but it does put the focus on you and your needs, which includes being less stressed. Try it! In the great scheme of things, you only live once - you HAVE to shrug things off every now and then or you really affect your quality of life.

Other tips - exercise. Seriously, it's a huge stress reliever. Plus, you'll feel more in control. Ditto making an effort to eat healthfully. Feeling out of control is a big stressor and living healthfully can really help. As Detroit can tell you, I have been totally stressed lately, and it took its toll on my health (and being unhealthy fed back into my stress - totally vicious circle).

Get lots of rest.

Learn to say, "no."

Whatever is giving you such stress is simply not worth it. I don't care what it is - if it's your wedding, relax. Weddings are supposed to be fun and happy. Focus on the happiness of the event, not what mgiht go wrong or how much you have to do. Realize it doesn't have to be perfect - what matters is that you and Gary are happy. People stress too much about weddings, and that's such a shame when it should be first and foremost about joy, not about all the expensive accoutrements everyone thinks they need.

If it's relationships that are stressing you, take a break fromk whoever it is that is giving you stress. Take the time to evaluate what they mean to you. If a person is toxic, cut the cord.

Do not take your personal stuff to work. Keep work and outside separate. It's stressful when they overlap because you can't get away from either then.

Hope that helps. If you think you have deepr issues, though, like anxiety or depression, definitely talk to a pro.

blink · Coach

when I am really physically stressed, I take time in the day to unplug. even just 30 minutes. cell phone off, home ringer off, no tv, no radio, no music. put on comfy clothes and lie down and visualize releasing the physical tension. if I even feel my brow lifting, I take a deep breath and let it fall. I also love to drink a cup of my favorite hot tea (no caffeine). When I think about how short life is too, this somehow helps me forgive grievances (even if only monentarily) and want to value life and enjoy it. Believe that everything will work out, let the idea of perfection go.

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

i've been using a similar mantra for years--"f**ck 'em if they can't take a joke." funnier when said if you are actually not joking. it originally comes courtesy of "the big chill"--it was like a throwaway line that the kevin kline character says at the end of a scene and it always stuck with me.

quote:
Originally posted by: dc
"My latest thing is the phrase "f*ck 'em." Seriously, I got this from my friend. I would complain to her about my stress, and it's very often to do with other people's expectations at work and personally (family responsibilities, etc), and she was like, "You know what? F*ck 'em. You can only do so much." So when that starts to build up on me, I just mentally say "f*ck 'em." It's like a mantra.

Irene · Dooney & Bourke

Thanks ladies.

What's stressing me out the most is work. I hate it. I have become a glorified file clerk. This is not what I thought I would be doing. And I am working with people who have the nastiest attitudes on the planet. I just want to smack them.

I just don't want to be here anymore. I get paid really well and I hhave fabulous enefits, but if I am losing my hair, then something has got to give.

I have made an appointment to speak with my rep in HR.

-- Edited by Irene at 16:26, 2005-03-17

Escrime · Kate Spade

I also have that same mantra as "f*ck 'em." At my last job before I started my business, it became a serious chore to go to work everyday, and I hated it because of the people I had to deal with it. As new age cheesy as it sounds, yoga and exercise both really helped a lot. Some of my most amazing workouts happened when I was the most stressed out.

Also, what lorelei suggested is helpful. I would take a whole Saturday and Sunday and go somewhere where people couldn't reach me, whether it be browsing at a farmer's market or watching a movie by myself. Giving yourself time to decompress can work wonders...

f413 · Kenneth Cole

I drive out to the middle of nowhere and scream at the top of my lungs.

sfclinevandy · Coach

I have a few options...

1. Get a massage. I get one every 2 weeks and it has helped SO much with stress.

2. Work out. I have to do cardio and sweat out my stress.

3. Take a valium or muscle relaxer. Not for everybody, but it forces your body to chill out.

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Okay, this might sound odd, but I've been doing it as my "de-stress" routine for years...

I get in my car, or tie on my running shoes and either walk around or drive around and just observe what is happening around me. I've seen some of the most interesting, heartwarming or weird things during my de-stress sessions.

I started doing this about 6 years ago when I was in Chicago for a conference for work. I was stressed out big time, attending the conference, implementing a system at work and basically working 20+ hours a day. I got so stressed out in the hotel, I started to bawl, so I tied on my shoes and went for a walk. It was the middle of December and freezing, but as I walked along I saw a family putting up their Christmas tree in a front window, I saw a bum eating the leftovers from a restaurant that someone had given him, I saw two friends talking about shoes in a store window. All the normalcy of everyone living their life made me realize that "life goes on" and that I am just one aspect of this world. That whatever happens, happens, my worrying will not change the world from spinning.

Anyway, it has now become my method of de-stressing. I watch life moving and it helps me realize that my life will move forward and continue to be okay or in most cases, good, despite whatever might be stressing me out.

When I get back to my house, I always fall asleep like a baby.

Might try it...?

Anyway, good luck with the nasty people at work!

halleybird · Hermes

If you find that the stress is chronic and occupies a lot of your time/energy, you might want to talk to a doctor about generalized anxiety disorder. I have it, and sometimes it makes regular situations seem much worse than they actually are.

the other ladies had great suggestions if it's just temporary/situational. good luck.

daiz519 · Dooney & Bourke

hey Irene...I'm in school to be a therapist and just wanted to add a little advice based from my classes. One of my instructors is big on what is called "mindful" meditation. I think certain therapists have certification to do this but he also recommended Hatha yoga. He gave us an article that talked about a study done on stressed, anxious, or depressed people. Basically researchers found that people who have stress/anxiety/depression have overactivity in the right frontal cortex of the bran and have underactivity in the left frontal cortex. These people did a study showing that people who practiced meditation (including things like yoga) showed a significant shift in activity from the right to the left frontal cortex. (It also showed an increase in immune functioning). Maybe this sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo but it might be worth a try. No matter what i think it is always important to set aside some time just for yourself so that you can forget about things for awhile. I don't do yoga (though I would like to try it now that I've learned about this) but I do kickboxing and it's great to just sweat, move around, and concentrate on something other than what stresses me out. Go out and do something nice for yourself!

bex · Chanel

yoga.

'nuf said. when i get to class my head is spinning with everything i have to do, to-do lists, etc. but when i get there, i make a point to clear my head and listen to my body and my breathing. by the end of class when we do the relaxation period, i feel as though i have been given a gift. i feel like i have just had a massage. i feel completely on top of my game and i have forgotten the little things that have been bugging me throughout the day.

i've been where you are. and i can't tell you how much my yoga classes have helped me out. and also, just going to the gym and running my ass off on the treadmill has helped too, but not to the degree that yoga has.

MariLen · Nine West

I know this story all too well. If your workplace is that toxic the best thing to do is get out of it. If your hair is falling out from the stress then your health is obviously at risk. f*ck 'em is not a bad additude to take at this point, but what you probably should be telling them is f*ck off!