STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Karina · Chanel

Breadwinners?

blubirde · Chanel

I can't relate exactly but I had a long-term boyfriend once who couldn't have cared less about money. Which was funny considering he didn't even have a job (he was a stay-as-long-as-the-'rents-pay-student) and I worked my ass off to pay my bills and buy him presents on anniverseries and holidays and such. Anyway, that doesn't help much and we never solved the problem because I broke up with him without ever saying anything.

But rant away - I can't help but I can sympathize! Does he know how concerned you are about money while you're on maternity leave? Does he mind you making more money than him?

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: Karina
"Any breadwinners here find it frustrating that their DH/SO cannot solely or more than 50% provide for the household? I make way substantially more than my FH, and he went on a job interview today and they want to offer him $20k for a job. What the hell is that? I guess I just need to vent because we are going to be struggling big time when I go on maternity leave."

Karina, does your job not pay you for maternity leave? That's atrocious!

What does FH do that pays $20k? We are in Bergen County. Hello! He's in school though, right? I'm sure things will get better when he finishes.

My current boss's husband is a stay-at-home husband. He stays home with their son and she makes 100% of the money. She seems happy with that arrangement though.

It's been a long time since I even dated someone who made less than me so I probably shouldn't even be answering this.

Karina · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Andrea Julia
" Karina, does your job not pay you for maternity leave? That's atrocious! What does FH do that pays $20k? We are in Bergen County. Hello! He's in school though, right? I'm sure things will get better when he finishes. My current boss's husband is a stay-at-home husband. He stays home with their son and she makes 100% of the money. She seems happy with that arrangement though. It's been a long time since I even dated someone who made less than me so I probably shouldn't even be answering this."

AJ - They are only paying me 6 weeks (if I even have a job by then). I'm taking the FMLA for 13 weeks, which will leave me 13 weeks without pay. FH is a mechanic, and he is going to Lincoln Tech (will be done in July) to become certified in "Automotive Technology."

Mechanics make some good damn money - my mom's friend's husband makes like 70k working in the Bronx .. I think he is just looking in the wrong places for work.

Karina · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
" But rant away - I can't help but I can sympathize! Does he know how concerned you are about money while you're on maternity leave? Does he mind you making more money than him?"

Oh he totally knows I'm concerned about money - he is too!!! I think he minds that I make more money than him.. it's an ego killer, you know?

kenzie · Chanel

Karina, I'm not in your situation, but I would be frustrated, particularly about the maternity and FMLA 13 weeks without pay thing. That's rough. I couldn't support myself on $20K, let alone a husband and two children. I completely understand your frustration.

lugojean · Nine West

I do think that most men want to be the breadwinners and it does hurt their egos a bit if the woman makes substantially more money. I would be careful about nagging him about this, especially since you say you his concerned about the money situation. Just try to be as supportive & helpful as possible while encouraging him to look for a job with better pay.

My husband and I make about the same amount of money so we don't have this prob. but I do have more education then he does, I have a Master's and he is still getting his Bachelor's. I think this is a sore point for him.

itsapinkthing · Coach

Karina, is the 20K just for now while he finishes school and will it increase once his training is complete?

Karina · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: itsapinkthing
"Karina, is the 20K just for now while he finishes school and will it increase once his training is complete? "

The 20k is pretty much what they are paying when he gets out of school, since he is "entry level".

halleybird · Hermes

I agree with the ego thing...my husband and I used to make the same amount, but since my job is lousy with raises, he now makes $2k more per year (big whoop), but he thinks he is hot stuff.

bex · Chanel

i used to make peanuts and then i got a great job and i now make about $3K more than my BF... he doesn't seem to mind in the least... he, however, is on the job hunt and will end up making about $30K more than me when he gets his new job- grrr. it was nice to be top dog for a little while anyway!

good luck karina! maybe scout out some places for him to check out???

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

This one is frustrating. My ex was like that. I never made that much, but it was always at least 50 percent more than he made. And he always talked about how things would work out, but somehow he just never managed to apply for a job that paid more than 24k. Ever. But your situation sounds better than that. Your guy has taken steps to create a good life, it just sounds like he's a little unsure of where to go from here.

Have you had a conversation about how SPECIFICALLY he pictures the future, and what he's going to do to get there? It sounds like he has a good work ethic, he just isn't putting it together in a way that builds a good future. Maybe he's too proud to ask for help or advice? Or maybe it hasn't really occurred to him that he needs to plan a little more. Guys sometimes think "If I get a job I've done my part, and that's all you have to do," and they're incredibly surprised when they add up the numbers and realize that it takes more than "a job." Anyway, maybe the baby will light a fire under him. Congratulations by the way! Good luck...

KE · Kenneth Cole

I make @ $25K more than my husband. He is always very appreciative at what the extra $ provide (like a sailboat for him) and his consistent sweetness and gratitude make it all worthwhile. I think if he's doing the best he can (ie holding down a steady, full time job) then I accept that he is not really ambitious, which I'm sure is the flip side of his sweet easy goingness. My first husband made considerably more than me and was an a**hole. I would take my situation now over what I had previously any day.

carmenb513 · Coach

I think you two need to have a heart to heart about where he sees himself when he's done w/ school. I make about $12k more than my BF. We don't live together but he was staying w/ me for almost 2 months. Me sitting down and making out the rent check, utilities, etc got really old. I'm not saying that he should have been paying ALL the bills (btw he had just graduated) but I noticed he was kinda comfortable (he's trying to close the pay gap now). I don't need a rich man (would be nice

) but I have to keep in mind (sorry if I sound like a snob)...I only claim "1" on my income taxes...........meaning I'm my only dependent and can't support a grown man and myself! I think you both just need to come an understanding and just determine what's to be expected from the both of you