STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> general chat -> No Christmas gifts?
Post Info TOPIC: No Christmas gifts?
Metric


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2747
Date:
No Christmas gifts?
Permalink Closed

So for the past few months, my brother (who is my only sibling) and I have been in a huge fight.

Long story short, he took it upon himself (completely unsolicited) to sit me down and tell me all the things that he thinks are wrong with my life and how he doesn't "approve" of the way I live. Apparently he thought he was "helping" me. Fun. Now we aren't really speaking.

I would prefer not to "fake it" this year and act like nothing happened so instead BF and I are spending Christmas with BF's family. I would like to tell my brother not to get me any gifts this year, but I don't want to be mean about it and add fuel to the fire.

I was thinking about emailing him and saying:
Brother,
This year we are spending Christmas with the BF family. Please don't buy me any gifts.
Metric

Is that too dry and harsh? Can I soften it without seeming like everything is ok? I am still mad and he can't understand why.

__________________
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

I wrote a very similar email last Christmas to my mother, and used the line "I'm still very upset about the conversation(s) we had, and I'd rather not exchange gifts this year".  Softens it a bit without diluting your message IMO.

__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

Status: Offline
Posts: 429
Date:
Permalink Closed

Metric wrote:

This year we are spending Christmas with the BF family. Please don't buy me any gifts.

To me, it sounds like just b/c you won't see him on Christmas, he shouldn't get you a gift. So, maybe couch it in terms of the economy/general attitude of the times? You're cutting back gift-giving generally to only token gifts? Then get him a $20 gift card? Or, just avoid seeing him until its "too late" to give Christmas gifts? I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I thought I'd try...



__________________
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - G. Radner
Tati


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4658
Date:
Permalink Closed

I think you should just let things happen. If he buys you anything, just thank him and thats it. If he asks why you didn't get him anything then tell him.
I think thats what I would do.....

__________________

gingembre1


Kate Spade

Status: Offline
Posts: 1116
Date:
Permalink Closed

How about:

Dear Brother,

I plan on spending xmas this year with bf's family, and as I am still very upset about the conversation(s) we had, I'd rather not exchange gifts this year.

__________________

http://doseofginger.blogspot.com/
sfclinevandy


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1789
Date:
Permalink Closed

I'm in a similar situation. Because of all the drama he has caused, I want nothing to do with my brother. I don't even acknowledge him as it is so I will not be buying him a gift nor do I expect one from him (unless my mom buys something and puts a card saying its from him). My husband and I dream of him moving far, far away so we never have to deal with him again, but that's another store.

That being said, I wouldn't even tell him you don't want to exchange gifts... it would probably cause much more drama. If he gives you something thank him and leave it at that. If he has something rude to say, just use the excuse that because of the wonderful economy you had to cut back on buying gifts.

__________________
SFC
wicked


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1812
Date:
Permalink Closed

Tati wrote:

I think you should just let things happen. If he buys you anything, just thank him and thats it. If he asks why you didn't get him anything then tell him.
I think thats what I would do.....



 I agree with Tati.



__________________
joy0302


Kate Spade

Status: Offline
Posts: 1173
Date:
Permalink Closed

I think I would go the route that Starstuff suggested and just try to avoid seeing him. I am an only child, but thanks to my sorry BIL I know how difficult your situation is. Just try not to let it get to you so that you can enjoy your Christmas. :)

__________________
http://joydevivredesign.blogspot.com/
NCshopper


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 6065
Date:
Permalink Closed

Ditto to Tati, sfclinevandy, and wicked. Since you're not on speaking terms right now, I think it's probably safe to assume that he's not going to get you anything. I think saying anything will just stoke the fire more.

__________________

ihavetohaveit.blogspot.com
Suasoria


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 3120
Date:
Permalink Closed

gingembre1 wrote:

How about:

Dear Brother,

I plan on spending xmas this year with bf's family, and as I am still very upset about the conversation(s) we had, I'd rather not exchange gifts this year.


I really like this direct approach, and if I were in your place I certainly wouldn't auto-generate excuses like the economy.  

Plus if you are upfront about acknowledging that you are unhappy with the relationship at the moment, it might open the lines of communication or at least allow him to understand the consequences of his behavior.



__________________
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

I just came back to clarify a bit smile.

If .....
You anticipate your brother possibly getting you some gift intended to help you see the light, realize the errors of your ways, repent for living your current life, tell him how right he's been all along, or otherwise make you feel guilty or annoyed by their intended meanings, send the email and cut him off at the pass.  Boundaries are good with those who don't really have any of their own.
(My mother falls into this category)

If .....
He's sort of washed his hands of you and doesn't stick his nose in your business out of the blue to 'make a point' apart from these conversations you've had, and you don't think he'd probably get you a gift but you want to tell him where you stand anyway, I'd rethink sending any email at all.  I agree it might just stoke the fire, and while you certainly deserve to get a jab in I don't think it would help in any way.

__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
Metric


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2747
Date:
Permalink Closed

Yeah Elle, its definitely the first scenario.
I really like the way Gingembre worded the email. That's exactly what I was looking for.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> general chat -> No Christmas gifts?
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard