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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
Date:
user friend's birthday - RANT
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Y'all, my Friday sucked. And it's my own fault. This girl who sits next to me in a couple classes recently started hanging around a good friend of mine. Well, not so much hanging around, as stalking. She has only called me to get to her, found out where she lived, found her number through the college database, that sort of thing. Anyway, this week the stalker broke up with her boyfriend, told me about some family issues, and said this was really going to be a hard birthday. Cue the codependent dizzy going "Oh, I don't want you to be sad on your birthday... we'll make it fabulous!"

So I asked a simple question "what do you want to do..." and she hemmed and hawed all week (I think she was trying to arrange to go out with the other friend alone). Finally, we set up a dinner and she said, and I quote "I want there to be a bunch of people there! Invite your friends! I love that group you hang out with..." I've mentioned I have some very good looking guy friends, right? So I start to invite people, and the stalker finds out who's coming for sure (no one single) and says "Oh, I only want four people at dinner. Just the girls. Maybe I didn't make myself clear..." yeah, maybe. Later she had the nerve to say "I'm just very particular about the people I want around." And I did NOT say "Maybe that's why you don't have any friends and have to mooch off mine."

So I had to UNINVITE my friends. It was awful. Then the stalker, her sudden new girl friend no one has ever heard of, and my friend who's being stalked, agreed to meet at my place for drinks before dinner. So I bought wine and cookies. And 15 minutes before everyone is supposed to be there, the stalker calls and says "Oh, I forgot I promised to hang out at another friend's house for a while. Is that OK?"

No. It's not, but obviously you don't have enough manners to know that.

So finally we agree to meet her at the restaurant. We were a little late, and she called at THREE minutes after to say "It's my birthday and I thought we all knew when to meet, so I just wanted to make sure everything was ok."

Oh, it's peachy hon...

So we get to the restaurant. We have told her earlier that we will be buying her sushi (everyone had eaten dinner earlier), and she has already ordered FORTY_THREE DOLLARS WORTH OF WINE. (In this town, that's a lot). The tab came to $105. (In this town that's A LOT). Then she sees someone singing happy birthday with a cake at another table and says "Oh, I thought you guys would have done something like that." So we bought her dessert too. (Because her creepy computer friend made us.)

Then we had to go to the bar with her. She called one of my cute friends so many times he now may not be talking to me. she insisted that we invite a guy no one hangs out with, who has a girlfriend, because "It's my birthday..." She was desperately trolling through my friends tryign to hook up, she doesn't even seem to like me. And she was horribly rude to the friends of mine that don't dress well (a lot of law students are nerds). Oh, and she basically didn't bother to talk to me all night. Oh, and at some point she borrowed my phone to make a call, and when I got it back I saw she had called almost every boy in it. Which can be awkward with some of them - I mean, if I only talk to a guy occasionally, it's weird if all of a sudden I call him at 2:30 - it looks like I'm trying to hook up. With like 20 guys. (at least they don't know how many my phone called - unless some of them were together, which they might have been).

She ditched me at the bar after my friend, who's obviously cooler than I am, left. She didn't even call to say thank you or anything. And now I have to sit with her in class.

Good lord. How do I find people like this? And why do I let them push me around? Oh well, guess it was a mitzvah. (Is that how you spell it).

So, do I confront her about her poor treatment, or just allow her to blow me off.. as I suspect she's about to do now that she's gotten what she wanted. Or at least until the next time she wants to hook up with one of my friends. My instinct is to let it go, because it's her birthday. And because "I wish you would treat me better" is never a conversation worth having. I mean, if someone's treating you shitty, avoid them. If they ask why you don't hang around, then explain. Or am I just too defensive?





-- Edited by Dizzy at 17:53, 2005-03-05

-- Edited by Dizzy at 17:55, 2005-03-05

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theotherjess


Chanel

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Posts: 3388
Date:
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She sounds like a manipulative b*tch, but personally, I have no backbone so I don't know what to tell you to do .



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Bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. We all could use more of it. It's no taste I'm against. -Diana Vreeland
Tati


Chanel

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Posts: 4658
Date:
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Okay, so it sounds like you really want to let it go and not confront her about it, so do that. But if the Bitch ever tries to ask anything of you then you better check her and tell her exactly how you feel. If she tries to just act like nothing happend, act like you really dont know her, cause why should you bother with her really?


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Maddie


Coach

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Posts: 1913
Date:
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What a psycho! I defintely wouldn't sa anything to her. It's not worth it and it's not like you're really friends or like you have anything invested in this relationship. But if she tries to pull anything like that again I would let her know that you're not having it.

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berryahou35


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 580
Date:
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Sorry, I don't know what to say.  I admire your kindness towards her, and just avoid her in the future.

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blubirde


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
Date:
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Just ignore her. Don't talk to her anymore. That's what I'd do. If she's not smart enough to figure out why you don't talk to her anymore, then she's an idiot. I wouldn't confront her either but she would know I wasn't pleased by my lack of attention. (It's my "tell.")

One other thing, I once had a friend call a bunch of guys in my phone and I emailed them apologizing, explaining the situation, and all of them were surprisingly okay with it. They thought it was funny. Tip: add in the email (or phone conversation or whatever) that your friend even called your married brother with four kids - makes 'em laugh and reinforces your story!

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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Posts: 1811
Date:
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Yuck!  Just don't talk to her anymore.  Try to go to class right before it starts so you can't get roped into a pre-class convo with her.  Then, when class is over, just leave quickly, saying you have an appointment.  Do this every day and she will get the point.  It's not like you should worry about hurting her feelings.  I don't think in this situation that talking to her about this will work.  She seems way beyond normal reasoning.  It doesn't seem like many other people like her either so at least you will be in good company.  It sucks when you don't like someone that everyone else likes, and that definitely is not the case.

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
Date:
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I had to update - although I realized that first post was WAY too long! So I was being distant to that girl today in class, and she asked if I was mad. I told her I didn't want to talk about it right then. And so after class she found a mutual friend and ANNOUNCED THAT SHE HAS UTERINE CANCER! She said she is really stressed because she's afraid of the surgery. Either I am a terrible person. Or she is lying for drama (wouldn't put her past her) and that little aside probably just earned me a nameplate on a cubicle in hell.

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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Posts: 1811
Date:
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quote:
Originally posted by: Dizzy
"I had to update - although I realized that first post was WAY too long! So I was being distant to that girl today in class, and she asked if I was mad. I told her I didn't want to talk about it right then. And so after class she found a mutual friend and ANNOUNCED THAT SHE HAS UTERINE CANCER! She said she is really stressed because she's afraid of the surgery. Either I am a terrible person. Or she is lying for drama (wouldn't put her past her) and that little aside probably just earned me a nameplate on a cubicle in hell. "
Crap!  Now you are in the position where you have to be nice to her even though she was a total bitch to you.  If you are mean to her or mad at her while she has cancer, people may look at you like you are the horrible one.  People have a tendency to view people who are sick as perfect angels.  You are in a difficult situation.  I honestly think she was being a real jerk to you and I don't think cancer is the cause of it nor is it an excuse, but I DO think that it changes the way you should handle the situation.  I don't really know what to tell you with this new revelation.

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blubirde


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
Date:
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I don't think this changes anything. She has cancer. That sucks for her. It doesn't mean you have to be her friend. If she's not a nice person and you don't like her, what difference does it make to you? And I'm not trying to be cruel, just honest. If someone I don't like/interact with gets sick or something bad happens to them, I feel sorry for them, but it doesn't change the way I feel about their personality. And should it? I wouldn't want people to be nice to me because they felt sorry for me. Pity friends? No thank you.


Listen, her illness is her business and the business of people who care about her. You aren't her close friend, an acquaintance at best, so not only would it be insincere of you to play nice with her, it would also do you more harm than good, considering the circumstances. Just keep your distance from her and let her life happen the way it will happen (lying about illness or no).


And you're not going to hell for suggesting she might be lying! If you said that to her face, maybe so... But think of it this way, all the cool people are in hell anyway so where else would you want to be?  (I'm kidding!)



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bumblebee


Dooney & Bourke

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Posts: 889
Date:
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i agree with what everyone else is saying about not calling her on the whole birthday bad-behavior.  you were the bigger person by being nice in spite of her craziness on her b-day, and i think you should continue to keep it classy.  i would just maybe phase her out a little--don't be mean, but don't make plans to hang out with her outside of class either.  if she invites you to do something, be busy. 

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exsupahero


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1220
Date:
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Maybe I'm rude but...

this girl with cancer sure drinks alot of alcohol! Should she be drinking alot though?

I honestly thinks she's a drama queen.

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