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blubirde


Chanel

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the path to hell is paved... ah f**k it
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This is long - sorry - had to indulge myself with this post!


I had the worst date ever Saturday night. Evah! My "friend" asked me to go see a comedian with him. I don't like this friend romantically but all my other "friends" said I should at least give him a try. So fine. I say okay. Okay.


Friday night comes. He knows I'm out with a girlfriend downtown. He calls about midnight (drunk) and wants to go meet us out for dancing. We say okay, we're out dancing anyway. Okay.


He shows up. He tries to dance all up in my space and get a little personal, if ya know what I mean. I successfully avoid and dodge said activity (and lips) by interacting with my friend, who is with me.


Saturday night. I show up at his house (the "comedy club" we were going to was close to his house). He told me the "comedian" we are going to see has been on Showtime and VH1 and all that jazz. I think it will be a funny show. We drive over to a local performing arts center type thing. A fancy auditorium, if you will. I am suspicious. I look at the tickets. The price on them says they cost a whole $3. Each. Fabulous. I examine the tickets more closely. "Sponsored by so-and-so Church." Shit. I point out that the show is sponsored by a church. He says that that's interesting, he hadn't noticed before but he did know the show was for all ages, so it probably wouldn't be a typical dirty comedian. (I happen to thoroughly enjoy foul-mouthed, potty-humored comedians immensely.) I say okay. Okay.


We sit down in our seats (next to his married co-worker and his wife - mind you this is a first date). The place is filled with old people, young (as in high school at oldest) people, marrieds, etc. I casually ask how the comedian attracted so much attention as to fill up a local auditorium, because I didn't see the show advertised anywhere. He says he doesn't know. A guy gets up to a podium and starts talking. I hear the married co-worker whisper that it's his pastor. Pastor! I'm no longer suspicious. I know. It's a god-comedian. I thought Christian Rock was bad but a god-comedian is so much worse. The comedian gets up on stage, and I'll admit he was pretty funny. For the first hour. The second hour, when he was telling us all to find Jesus and crying about his experiences, not so much. Eventually (and after much examining of my sparkly ring under the theatre lights and trying not to sigh too loudly) we leave. I'm bitching about how cold it is outside and how I forgot a jacket. (I didn't so much forget a jacket as not wear one because I didn't have one that went with the outfit I was wearing. Slave to fashion anyone?) Anyway, not to self: never say you're cold in the presence of someone who you'd mind if they put their arms around you. Which he did. Sigh again.


Restaurant. We go to a nice restaurant that he suggests. I think it's the beginning of a redeemed date. They are supposed to be fun, right? He buys an expensive bottle of wine at the bar while we wait for our table and I'm almost mollified. I say almost because a god-comedian is a hard experience to get over. We sit. Food comes. We have good conversation and I actually start to relax and enjoy myself. I'm still not romantically interested in him but I am starting to remember why we're friends again. Check comes. I offer to help out (completely just being polite because he's the one who asked me out and suggested the restaurant, which is pretty pricey). He says, are you ready? "sure, if you want." (Oh no he didn't - peanut gallery.) Yes he did. So I did. Very unhappily - not that I let him know that. I was the perfect gentleman, unlike him. I'm still a little huffy, as you can tell.


Leaving dinner. It's late. I've already told him I can't stay out late because I have to get up early. I do have to get up early but I can't stay out late because I'm meeting another guy later that night. (It's no biggie, the second guy and I hang out together after bad dates - it's an informal rule.) Anyway, I was supposed to bring wine but I won't have time to stop and get some between dates. So I ask him to take me to the grocery store so I can buy some (I have a lame excuse prepared.)


Back at his house. I know he wants to kiss me. Not hard to tell. I can either stand there and extend the awkward moment or get it over with. I decide to get it over with. As it turns out, you can offer your cheek to a guy or tell them you don't kiss on the first date. (This I found out later from some very helpful girlfriends.) Who knew? It never even occurred to me that you could avoid the end-of-date kiss. So as I'm standing there, letting myself be kissed by a "friend" I am debating how long I have to indulge before breaking away will seem like a natural and polite thing to do. I decide 3-5 seconds is definitely enough and leave.


So that's my horrible date. I saw him on Sunday and acted all distant and aloof, hoping he'd get the point, but now I just feel bad about it. I should have been upfront but I was too chicken. Silly me. I'm sure you girls can relate to bad dates but I had to share. New rule: never go out with a guy that you feel, instinctually, you won't like romantically. You're gut is hardly ever wrong.



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D


Hermes

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omg - that's hilarious! almost as bad as my worst first date ever (eons ago) where the guy proceeded to kick my shins repeatedly under the table, tried picking up the waitress (while I was sitting there eating), and got all emotional talking about his problems and proceeded to cry at the table... I was thinking about calling my father to come pick me up at the restaurant, but ended up letting this jerk take me home. When we pulled up in front of my place (omg - I remember not being able to get home fast enough) and then he had the coconuts to say (as he was dropping me off) "well, after all we have been through together, don't you think we deserve a kiss?" (verbatim - I have never forgotten that line) ugh - I said, "NO" as I got the hell out of that car, ran into my apartment and locked the door as fast as I could... he actually called a couple days later and asked me to go to a movie with him... uh - no thanks...

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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"New rule: never go out with a guy that you feel, instinctually, you won't like romantically. You're gut is hardly ever wrong."-blubirde


I totally agree!  Not that it has stopped me from doing it altogether though.


You are a strong woman, blubirde.  I would have cried.  I actually did cry once on a bad date-it just took that much out of me and the idea of having to spend another 2 hours with him (I was locked into a dinner and movie) was so emotionally draining.  He was that bad.  He kind of sounds like the guy you went out with on Saturday. 


I think it is bad dates like this that makes us realize what a GOOD date is and strive to find one.  I hope you weren't too good of friends with this guy before.  It will make it easier to get rid of him. I would love to hear his side of it.  I wonder if he thinks it went well.  I don't know you, but from what I DO know of you and if I were a guy taking you out, I would know not to take you to a $3 church comedy show!  You don't seem like the $3 church comedy show type.


I hope you got nice and drunk off that wine with your friend and at least got a good laugh out of it!



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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: Andrea Julia
I don't know you, but from what I DO know of you and if I were a guy taking you out, I would know not to take you to a $3 church comedy show!  You don't seem like the $3 church comedy show type.

You ain't kiddin' sista! Never in a million years would I have even entertained the thought of attending something like that. Or, for that matter, going to a show (any show) that costs $3 to get into. Stupid boys. If you can guess this about me and you've never even met me (although stylethread is like a 2nd home), he should definitely have known that about me.


And I definitely got the bad date out of my system with my friend. Oh yeah.



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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wow - we've all been there, although I don't have anything that can top a $3 god comedian who, um, cries - at least now that you've survived it's a hilarious story

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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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good story!

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luckylily


Gucci

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Ugh!  That is pretty bad.  Hope he got the point that you aren't interested.


I'm not a religious person, I would have been outta there w/ the comedian.


 



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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: detroit
""well, after all we have been through together, don't you think we deserve a kiss?" "


hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!



That's officially the funniest line I've ever heard. Ever. I'm going to start using it pronto in every aspect of life. I wonder how my boss will react?

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atlgirl


Gucci

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LOL I am sorry you had to suffer through that, but you *do* have a great story to tell, and you tell it hilariously.  Thanks for the chuckle, and may your next date be the complete opposite of this one.


I only take exception to one part of your story - and this is not directed at just you, blubirde, but anyone - IMO if you are not planning to pay for dinner/drinks/movie (whatever) on a date, then don't freakin' offer. (Again, IMO) if a man asks a woman out on a date, he should be planning to pick up the tab, at least for the first (or first few). If you offer to help, some guys will assume you mean it.  And why not?  I've chipped in for dates at times - usually not the first date, but I personally think it's ridiculous to expect the man to pay all the time.  But if I wasn't planning to pay, I certainly wouldn't offer to. 


~climbs off soapbox~


 



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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: atlgirl
"LOL I am sorry you had to suffer through that, but you *do* have a great story to tell, and you tell it hilariously.  Thanks for the chuckle, and may your next date be the complete opposite of this one. I only take exception to one part of your story - and this is not directed at just you, blubirde, but anyone - IMO if you are not planning to pay for dinner/drinks/movie (whatever) on a date, then don't freakin' offer. (Again, IMO) if a man asks a woman out on a date, he should be planning to pick up the tab, at least for the first (or first few). If you offer to help, some guys will assume you mean it.  And why not?  I've chipped in for dates at times - usually not the first date, but I personally think it's ridiculous to expect the man to pay all the time.  But if I wasn't planning to pay, I certainly wouldn't offer to.  ~climbs off soapbox~  "

Normally I'd completely agree with you. I have no problem chipping in on dates - after all, it's my entertainment, too. And I hate it when guys insist on paying all the time. It actually pisses me off. But the first date??? And I certainly wouldn't have offered if I would have known he was going to accept. It's the polite thing to do, according to the elite world of Cosmo and Emily Post. They both say you should offer and he should politely decline. Am I doing it wrong? Does anyone else offer on the first date, completely just being polite?? Ahh! Now I'm going to obsess. Thanks atlgirl!


 



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Lola


Dooney & Bourke

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quote:
Originally posted by: atlgirl
"IMO if you are not planning to pay for dinner/drinks/movie (whatever) on a date, then don't freakin' offer. (Again, IMO) if a man asks a woman out on a date, he should be planning to pick up the tab, at least for the first (or first few). If you offer to help, some guys will assume you mean it.  But if I wasn't planning to pay, I certainly wouldn't offer to.  ~climbs off soapbox~  "

 


Eh, I'm mixed on this. I almost always offer to pay or split the bill, and most times I mean it. But sometimes, as in blubirde's case, I would have done the same, offered to pay, as a kind gesture, but not expect to pay. I mean, he took the liberty of ordering expensive wine w/ out consulting her, he picked out the expensive restaurant w/ out asking her...I dunno. This is a toughie, but I support blubirde's case. Yes, if you offer to help most guys will think you mean it, but there is an unspoken rule that all men should know, and that is to at least try to be a gentleman (or the perfect counterfeit of a gentleman) on the first date and take the bill, ESPECIALLY when he was the one who asked her out. Of course there are exceptions, and I'm not being a princess here at all. I'm a huge believer in providing for my man, I am often known as a bill grabber when it comes time to pay. But in this case, I think tried and true etiquette says that he should have payed ;)



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blubirde


Chanel

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http://love.ivillage.com/snd/snddodonts/0,,hvdk,00.html


According to this, he should have paid but I shouldn't have offered if I wasn't prepared to actually pay. Luckily I was prepared but it doesn't change the fact that I think it's rude, rude, rude!!! And that same guy called me last night. As if! I didn't answer the phone - should I just ignore him now? I KNOW I'll run into him again. *sigh* again.



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Lola


Dooney & Bourke

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What would I do? I'd probably just keep blowing him off and ignore him...but then again I HATE confrontation...

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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I never pay on the first few dates.  And I never offer.  Chances are I don't have the money to cover it anyway and if he wants to date me, he will have to accept that I just don't make that much money.  However, if we start seriously dating, I will budget in enough money to pay for a few dates a month.

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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
"What would I do? I'd probably just keep blowing him off and ignore him...but then again I HATE confrontation..."
Even if you KNOW you'll see him again? Maybe see him a lot?

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atlgirl


Gucci

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Oh dear, I didn't put that there to make you stress.  Remember, it's just my personal opinion I posted, not some rule set in stone.  I don't believe in making empty gestures - if I offer to do something, I am prepared to back it up if need be.  If I'm not prepared to do something, I don't offer.  That keeps things clear for all parties (usually). 


I agree that he should have paid - he asked you out, and he ordered a pricey wine, and yeah, I don't think I've ever paid (or contributed) on a first date unless I did the initial asking.  I think he's an idiot.  But I still wouldn't have offered.  That's just me.  And I would take everything that Cosmo says with a grain (or several) of salt, LOL.


<<there is an unspoken rule that all men should know, and that is to at least try to be a gentleman (or the perfect counterfeit of a gentleman) on the first date and take the bill, ESPECIALLY when he was the one who asked her out>>


It might be an unspoken rule, and maybe all men *should* know it, but they - obviously - don't.  I still believe that you shouldn't offer if you don't plan to actually do it. Though I fully agree with you, Lola, that he should have paid. And you don't come across as a princess at all.


Sorry, blubirde, for hijacking your story a bit. I didn't mean for that to happen, so I won't continue this part of the discussion.  Don't stress about what I've said - we each handle things differently in life, and you must do what feels right in your gut.  I'm really sorry you had such a bad date!!


 



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jess


Kenneth Cole

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quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
"Even if you KNOW you'll see him again? Maybe see him a lot?"
Oh that is the funniest story!!!  A church comedian date, lol... too funny.  Im w/Lola, I totally hate confrontion & have no balls to just be honest.  I take the ignoring the phone calls road & just cross my fingers that the next time i see him I'll be drunk & able to play the "oh, im sorry I didnt return your calls" role convincingly.  it works...  

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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: atlgirl
"Oh dear, I didn't put that there to make you stress.  Remember, it's just my personal opinion I posted, not some rule set in stone.  I don't believe in making empty gestures - if I offer to do something, I am prepared to back it up if need be.  If I'm not prepared to do something, I don't offer.  That keeps things clear for all parties (usually).  I agree that he should have paid - he asked you out, and he ordered a pricey wine, and yeah, I don't think I've ever paid (or contributed) on a first date unless I did the initial asking.  I think he's an idiot.  But I still wouldn't have offered.  That's just me.  And I would take everything that Cosmo says with a grain (or several) of salt, LOL. <<there is an unspoken rule that all men should know, and that is to at least try to be a gentleman (or the perfect counterfeit of a gentleman) on the first date and take the bill, ESPECIALLY when he was the one who asked her out>> It might be an unspoken rule, and maybe all men *should* know it, but they - obviously - don't.  I still believe that you shouldn't offer if you don't plan to actually do it. Though I fully agree with you, Lola, that he should have paid. And you don't come across as a princess at all. Sorry, blubirde, for hijacking your story a bit. I didn't mean for that to happen, so I won't continue this part of the discussion.  Don't stress about what I've said - we each handle things differently in life, and you must do what feels right in your gut.  I'm really sorry you had such a bad date!!  "
Don't worry!!! You can totally hijack my story and I'm not really stressing - I would never, in a million years, stress over a bad date like that - except while it's happening. It's an interesting point you brought up anyway. I've struggled with how to act with money in first date situations in the past. I always offer and he always says no. Now at least I know to not offer unless I'm prepared to back it up!

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laken1


Hermes

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If I ever decide to finish the book I started when I got divorced several years ago called "Back to Dating" after MANY MANY lame dates, I will have to contact you & get your permission to use this story! The idea came from one of my customers when I started pouring out the stories of my many bad dates & he was laughing so hard he was in tears. Truly the more stories like yours that I hear the more tempted I am to gather these tales & publish them!!!!!!!!!


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Andrea Julia


Coach

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quote:
Originally posted by: laken1
"If I ever decide to finish the book I started when I got divorced several years ago called "Back to Dating" after MANY MANY lame dates, I will have to contact you & get your permission to use this story! The idea came from one of my customers when I started pouring out the stories of my many bad dates & he was laughing so hard he was in tears. Truly the more stories like yours that I hear the more tempted I am to gather these tales & publish them!!!!!!!!! "
LOL!  If you write that book, let me know.  I can give you enough stories for a second volume!  And stories good enough to bring it from best-seller status to flying-off-the-shelf-quicker-than-they-are printed status. 

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