STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

bostongal · BCBG

A Gentleman or just not interested?

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: bostongal
" I'm not good at dating, I'm better at being friends or in a relationship fully..."

Haha! I'm totally with you on this one! :)

After our first official "meeting" (it was a blind date) I had no clue if he was interested. Couldn't read him at all, but I was interested in him, thought he was cute, but I didn't know how to show it really...so the next morning after the date I emailed him saying I had a wonderful time and then he emailed me back saying oh that's great to hear because I couldn't read you at all ! So I think all this stuff just takes time trying to figure out the other, maybe he is just being a gentleman. But I'm intrigued why he hasn't emailed or called at all...well just give it a little time. It was a long weekend, maybe he was just busy :)

Joina · Kenneth Cole

I vote for 2, sounds like he's def interested but just being a gentleman... He sounds like a keeper!

bostongal · BCBG

So what, do I call him now? Everyone I've talked to has been like oh no, if he's southern and old fashioned you have to let him do the work, blah blah blah... I mean I understand playing hard to get but when I like someone, I let them know...

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: bostongal
"So what, do I call him now? Everyone I've talked to has been like oh no, if he's southern and old fashioned you have to let him do the work, blah blah blah... I mean I understand playing hard to get but when I like someone, I let them know..."

When was the date? Was it Fri or Sat night? 'Cause if so I'd give it at least until tomorrow night to see if he calls. If he doesn't call by Wednesday, I'd shoot him an email saying something like Lola did in hers.

I'm a big "tell them how you feel" person, too. If I like a person, I'll usually tell them or otherwise make it known. I'm not into "what ifs" although it seems to happen more than I'd like. If I want to go out with a guy again and we went out on Friday or Saturday, I'd probably (if I had the will power) wait until Wednesday to email. If I was really impatient (which is more likely) I'd go Tuesday or maybe even Monday. I'm really bad at taking my own advice. :shhh:

My rationale after the fact - when I realize I shouldn't have called/emailed/whatever - is that at least I know and can get it out of my head. It works sometimes! Let us know what you decide to do!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm from the south, and gentlemen give hugs when they're trying to see if you're interested. If they're not hugging, or kissing on the forehead, they're just a friend. A really, really, really polite friend who will never tell you if you're coming on too strong. It might not hurt to just sit tight and and see what happens. There isn't really any reason why you have to know what's up right now, right?

honey · Gucci

i agree with bluebirde. this is kind of similar to what happened to me this weekend b/c i had a really good time with the guy but he didn't try to kiss me at all. and i was kind of like "oh, maybe i'm reading too much into this and he's not that into me" but then he called. so i don't think you should be concerned, and if you don't hear from him by wed. send an email.

on a side note, i'm starting to really hate all this "oh he's not into me" stuff. not that it's totally untrue, but it's kind of crazy to think that we've (and i totally include myself in this collective we) reached a point where if a guy behaves like a gentleman we automatically assume he's not into us.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: bostongal
"So what, do I call him now? Everyone I've talked to has been like oh no, if he's southern and old fashioned you have to let him do the work, blah blah blah... I mean I understand playing hard to get but when I like someone, I let them know..."

It's worth a try. It's not like it would change things either way. If he is into you, he was probably going to call you anyway and will be thrilled to hear from you. If he is sort of into you, the call might respark the interest and then you will go out, have a fabulous time, and then he will be really into you. If not, then you will probably sense on the phone that he is not interested, and then oh well, life goes on.

I do really believe in the guy chasing the girl, no matter how old-fashioned it seems, so if you do decide to call him, I think the ball is definitely in his court to call you next time. Call him tonight if you are going to do it!

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: honey
"i agree with bluebirde. this is kind of similar to what happened to me this weekend b/c i had a really good time with the guy but he didn't try to kiss me at all. and i was kind of like "oh, maybe i'm reading too much into this and he's not that into me" but then he called. so i don't think you should be concerned, and if you don't hear from him by wed. send an email. on a side note, i'm starting to really hate all this "oh he's not into me" stuff. not that it's totally untrue, but it's kind of crazy to think that we've (and i totally include myself in this collective we) reached a point where if a guy behaves like a gentleman we automatically assume he's not into us. "

DO NOT even get me started on the "he's just not that into you" crap. Can I say how much I hate it? Of course it's partially true (maybe even mostly true) but it is NOT the answer to every question. People are people and we are complicated. Sometimes we do things we don't mean to do and say things we don't mean to say. Sometimes we don't understand what we're doing or saying. And sometimes we're just plain, old f'ed up. If it were a perfect science, it would be easy, that's all I'm sayin'. So if I hear one more girl counsel her girlfriend that the guy she's interested in just isn't that into her, I'll scream. It's a crutch, people! There may be a lot of sense in it and it may be true some of the time but I repeat, it absolutely CANNOT be true all of the time. There is no answer that works like that, as much as we'd like it to.

Okay, I'm off my rant now. That felt good.

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
" DO NOT even get me started on the "he's just not that into you" crap. Can I say how much I hate it? Of course it's partially true (maybe even mostly true) but it is NOT the answer to every question. People are people and we are complicated. Sometimes we do things we don't mean to do and say things we don't mean to say. Sometimes we don't understand what we're doing or saying. And sometimes we're just plain, old f'ed up. If it were a perfect science, it would be easy, that's all I'm sayin'. So if I hear one more girl counsel her girlfriend that the guy she's interested in just isn't that into her, I'll scream. It's a crutch, people! There may be a lot of sense in it and it may be true some of the time but I repeat, it absolutely CANNOT be true all of the time. There is no answer that works like that, as much as we'd like it to. Okay, I'm off my rant now. That felt good. "

Ahhhh! This is so funny! Do NOT even read the email I sent to you then on myspace ;) lol!!!

blink · Coach

I say it doesn't sound like he is too interested. Best case, he's not sure if he is interested yet.

bostongal · BCBG

I still haven't heard from him. And I have no desire to throw myself at anyone or put in any effort. I've been disappointed too much lately to do it all over again. I am bummed

Where boys are concerned, the more I know the less I understand.

blubirde · Chanel

You know, there should really be a rating system at the end of dates. Something completely impartial (I know it's impossible but still) so people don't sit around wondering and wasting time. For instance, I like a guy, he doesn't like me. I have to sit around until Thursday, when he hasn't called, to figure that out? What a waste of time and effort. If only afterwards we had a "blind date" type interview we could watch. At least then we'd know and could move on with our bad selves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we should do that anyway and not wait for the guy to call but come on - unknowns are always frustrating, especially if you're interested.

Watch some SATC and drink some wine. You'll feel better in no time. Besides, odds are he'll call. Even if it's two weeks from now, if he doesn't hear from you, he'll call. That's the way guys work. They're like children. Tell them they can't have a toy and it's the only one they want, even if they didn't really like the toy in the first place.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I don't know. It's not so bad to wait a little while. I think knowing everything about a beginning relationship is overrated - there's no need to know exactly what's up all the darn time. Sometimes I really like just sitting with something for a while to see what I think, and a guy has the right to do that too. Plus, the guys who are really, really, really into me right away tend to be fickle jerks. Good luck waiting out this one - odds are he'll show up again.