STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

shoppinggal · Nine West

would you ask a guy out?

Andrea Julia · Coach

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-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 23:23, 2006-01-28

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I am dating retarded, so take it for what it's worth... but I am very good friends with a number of good looking guys, and they are always complaining about the girls who come on too strong. And they pick up on more than you think - they know when we like them, and if they're not acting, they don't want to act. I was worried about this one guy a few weeks back, "what does he want? this is taking too long..." and my friends were like "it's not taking too long - it's just not happening. If we want you, you'll know it..." If the guy is letting you make all the moves, they say, then he's just looking to see how much he can get from you. And he's not going to give you anything, and he's going to say something like "I never promised you anything, and I never lied..." if you hook up and then ask what's up. As a guy who's pretty widely acknowledged to be the best looking guy in our class said when a girl propositioned him last night "I'm not going to turn anything down, but it's not on me if she's coming on to me. I'm not making a move because I don't want to be the asshole when she finds out we're not going to be like a couple..."

Of course, some of the girls are really awkward. One of them gave another guy friend (the one with the best body in class) a leaf. seriously. He was like "uh, thanks, but you do know I can just go outside and get one of these, right?"

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: shoppinggal
"i know what all those books say that if he is interested, he'll make the first move even if he's the shy type. but i'm just so impatient and i think perhaps i act too much on impulse, so i find that i've been asking guys out recently. also i don't want to look back and wonder "what if" ..... it seems that the older i get, the less inhibited i feel abt asking guys out.
but sometimes i think that being too aggressive and forward scares some guys off, and moves things faster than they're comfortable with. hm, how much prodding does a guy need? my guess is i should back off if he says no without suggesting alternatives. any thoughts? "

Hell yes I'd ask a guy out! Listen, if a guy is turned off by me suggesting we do something sometime, then I DO NOT want to date him. If I like a person and want to see them again, I ask them. I don't waste time. If someone doesn't want to see me like that, I'd rather find out sooner than later. Besides at the point when you're tempted to ask out a guy, it could go either way - friends or more. If they aren't interested I'll go the friends route. No point in beating around the bush. I don't make it a point to waste time in life, so why would I in my social life?

That said, I'm not about to try to mack on a guy who I don't know wants to back. Meaning I wouldn't kiss a guy unless I knew he would respond positively. But I would definitely ask a guy if he wanted to hang out sometime. After that though, it's on him. If I ask first, then it's his turn for the second.

And here's a tip: if it's not a big deal to you to ask a guy out, they won't see it as a big deal either. If you're weighing pros and cons and super nervous about it, they'll get that, too. A casual "we should go see a hockey game sometime" or whatever comes off way better than an Ally McBeal-esque dialogue.

Go for it!!! Worse case scenario is that he says no and that's no different than not getting asked out in the first place, right? At least you'll know and can go forward.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I think it makes a difference if you're in school - where you're going to see him again whether you want to or not - or out in the working world, where you might need to make more definite plans to see someone. Bluebird sounds about right, though, if you're probably not going to see this guy again unless someone takes action. Oh, but beware - my guy friends say one of their favorite tricks is to NOT ask a girl out on the first meeting if it's at a coffee shop or someplace where they will probably run into her again. I don't know why they think this is such a secret weapon, but they say asking on the first meeting makes them look desperate. And girls are so used to being hit on that they're more likely to say no.

blink · Coach

No. In my experience, making the first move isn't as sweet as when the guy made the first move. And some guys feel defeated if you beat them to it, therefore, their attraction to the girl is a little diminished. Not all guys, obviously, just the kind I was attracted to...go-getters, bold, confident, slightly cocky. Sorry, that's just my type.