STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Getting over last night's incident

Amelie · Kenneth Cole

I just read your other post, and I want to say again, I am so sorry. This kind of thing has never happened to me, but I would suggest inviting some close friends over to watch a movie and eat some takeout. Or maybe go see a movie and have dinner with some girlfriends. You'll feel better if you're doing something to keep your mind off it. I would take a day or two off from the bf, you might not be able to handle a conversation with him (I know I wouldn't). Just relax and rest, it sounds like you deserve it!

Mia · Kate Spade

Nylabelle - I know how you feel, I think. I was violently assaulted on a tube train in London late at night and it affects me to this day (it was over 5 yrs. ago). It was a drunk stranger - I objected to his trying to grab my breast (told him to "fuck off") and he just completely lost his temper and - I don't want to go into details, but he got physically violent. I never went to the police, I just went home and was too shaken to function for a few days. Don't underestimate how traumatic a violent attack can be - I was shocked at the time and when I think about it I still sort of am - how can people be such animals? I also suspect you are going to have some anger at your boyfriend to deal with, given his previous resistance to your wish not to see these people, and his drunken state making him unable to defend you. I don't want to be a sexist but I would expect a boyfriend to defend me physically in that situation and would feel let down (to put it mildly) if he didn't. Do you see a therapist or do you know anyone older and wiser you can talk to about this?

In my personal experience I just found it to be a much bigger deal than I would have thought if it hadn't happened to me. You are still so close to it happening - definitely try to talk to someone, and don't feel as if you're over-reacting (you're not) in any way. Good luck. Feel free to pm me if you want to.

cat · Marc Jacobs

you have to remeber that it's not your fault,some people are so messed up. I Know how you feel thow about 2 years ago i had a public fight with my boyfriend at the time. Although it did not get physical (he did swing at me but missed). It was so embarrassing. He was drunk at the time and screaming at me,calling me all kinds of names and I never did anything wrong. You just have to keep telling yourself you are not responsible for what other people do,and do not care what the other people there thought.If they can not see that it was not your fault then you do not want to be around them anyway.Also I would press charges. i whish i had done somthing ,I am still haveing problems with my ex.

halleybird · Hermes

NB - Hopefully you don't think for a second that any of it was your fault. I have (thankfully) never been in such a situation, but my husband has a keen talent for acquiring asshole friends. His friends have yelled at and insulted me numerous times, and he responded in a way similar to your bf. I don't think it's because he doesn't care for you; he might be (like my husband) very very non-confrontational. (Plus drunk.)

The fact that they got physical with you makes it much worse, though. Hopefully you never have to see them again.

kenzie · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Mia
"Nylabelle - I know how you feel, I think. I was violently assaulted on a tube train in London late at night and it affects me to this day (it was over 5 yrs. ago). It was a drunk stranger - I objected to his trying to grab my breast (told him to "fuck off") and he just completely lost his temper and - I don't want to go into details, but he got physically violent. I never went to the police, I just went home and was too shaken to function for a few days. Don't underestimate how traumatic a violent attack can be - I was shocked at the time and when I think about it I still sort of am - how can people be such animals? I also suspect you are going to have some anger at your boyfriend to deal with, given his previous resistance to your wish not to see these people, and his drunken state making him unable to defend you. I don't want to be a sexist but I would expect a boyfriend to defend me physically in that situation and would feel let down (to put it mildly) if he didn't. Do you see a therapist or do you know anyone older and wiser you can talk to about this? In my personal experience I just found it to be a much bigger deal than I would have thought if it hadn't happened to me. You are still so close to it happening - definitely try to talk to someone, and don't feel as if you're over-reacting (you're not) in any way. Good luck. Feel free to pm me if you want to. "

Again, thanks ladies for your thoughts. Mia, I'll probably PM you in a bit. If I had known that they were going to turn into animals, I never would have told J to stop harassing me in the first place. But given how he and his sister had been acting all night long (and in the previous months), I was just tired of it and had to say something to him. But I was civilized about it. I calmly asked him to stop acting the way he was and told him that I was tired of his attitude. And that caused all that violence and maliciousness??? These people are crazy.

I can't get over how disappointed I am in my bf. He was a fumbling drunk last night and couldn't form a coherent sentence. The only thing he managed to do was, at one point, when J was trying to hit at me, my bf did hold him back and tell him (weakly) to stop it. But it wasn't enough to stop the madness. If he hadn't been drunk, then we would have just left and none of this would have happened.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

That's so hard! I can't believe that happened! Wow. some people are really assholes. And your boyfriend being no help at all is just too much! Take good care of yourself honey!

Patricia · BCBG

It really sounded horrible, I think its perfectly sensible that you are upset! I'd be shocked that someone could act that way, I'd be pissed at bf. Like Mia said, it sounds sexist but they are supposed to defend us!!!

Do you think pressing charges would make you feel better? Some kind of closure?