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Post Info TOPIC: Baby Shower dilemma
sfclinevandy


Coach

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Baby Shower dilemma
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Here is my weird situation. There is this girl I know pretty well because she is my exboyfriend's best friend's wife. We were never close (I've never called her to do something) but we've been to dinner as couples millons of times, went on vacation together, etc. So she is pregnant with her second kid.


When she got married I gave her a really nice gift (a silver platter from Neimans). When she had her baby I also gave her a really nice gift (a Moses basket from Neimans). My mom taught me her favorite shopping trick for people like this... she is from a small town and is obessed with anything 'fancy' and from Neiman Marcus. So both occasions I got her gifts that were ridicoulously marked down, but were from Neimans and were gift wrapped beautifully. Both times her mom commented on how I outdid myself. If she only knew they were both steals.


Anyway I just got an invite to her a baby shower for her 2nd kid. Isn't this tacky? Don't people normally only have one? Next, I swear the only reason I got invited is because she thinks I will give her another $$$ present. I haven't talked to her since July of 2004. I don't even know how she got my address (I moved to Florida)... I would assume from my ex.


What would you do? Obviously I won't go to the shower because it would be too far to travel just for that. Should I send a gift or it is okay just to RSVP no? Please advise.


TIA



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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Well in the past its been considered tacky to have baby showers for a second or third child now adays people are doing it and not caring. 


I would not send a gift if you haven't talked to her in months and you didn't give her a forwarding address.  It sounds like she is wanting gifts (I mean doesn't she have stuff from the 1st kid still?) out of this and if you aren't a good friend don't send one.



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Hermes

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yes tacky to have a shower for the 2nd child - should only be for the 1st child.


I would rsvp with your regrets - that's it - no explanation necessary - and don't send a gift.  besides, the rsvp will go to the person throwing the shower - so you shouldn't have to worry about a confrontation.



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"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
Mia


Kate Spade

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quote:
Originally posted by: detroit
I would rsvp with your regrets - that's it - no explanation necessary - and don't send a gift.  besides, the rsvp will go to the person throwing the shower - so you shouldn't have to worry about a confrontation."

This. People who invite other people to their parties/showers etc. just for the gifts SUCK. This has happened to me a few times - once the person even commented that I "give really cool gifts" - to me! She said that to me! Urgh. Whenever this has happened I've sent very, very short "can't make it" messages.



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hotcocoa


Kate Spade

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i would rsvp with regrets and send a small gift.

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ak
blink


Coach

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It is NOT tacky to have a shower for a second baby.  First, it's not like she is throwing herself the shower, is she?  Somebody offers to throw a shower for her, that's it.  And the mom-to-be invites friends.  What is tacky about that?  Second, you are assuming she wants you to give her another "fancy" gift, isn't that a little snobby and tacky to make that assumption?


Now, it's your own decision to buy someone a so-called "fancy" gift, and you have kindly chosen to do so in the past, but that does not mean you are obligated to give the same kind of gift again.


As for not talking to her since 2004, that happens when you have babies.  Time flies faster once you have children.  Trust me, I have a five month old and I feel like the visit to my friend on the West coast in 2003 was "recent!"


I DO agree that it is a little weird to invite a friend who one hasn't been in close contact with lately.  But I still wouldn't accuse it of being tacky.  I actually enjoy buying gifts for babies without any agenda (like displaying a taste for finer Neiman's items) other than fo the sake of giving.  So if I were you, I would definitely send a gift.



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"Go either very cheap or very expensive. It's the middle ground that is fashion nowhere." ~ Karl Lagerfeld
sweater girl


BCBG

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I would simply RSVP with regrets and leave it at that.  Personally I think it is utterly ridiculous that you were invited to an out of state baby (2nd baby to boot) shower baby of someone you don't really speak to. You are not obligated to send a gift if you do not attend.  If you were planning on sending a gift or card anyway after the baby was born then go ahead otherwise you are all set.


 


 



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mikacat


Coach

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Posts: 1601
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gifts are not required when you RSVP no to a shower.....
no way, i would send a gift.

BTW, what is your address and I will invite you to my shower....LOL!

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sfclinevandy


Coach

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Well, I only RSVPed that I wouldn't make it. The lady throwing the party sounded really disappointed. I don't plan on sending a gift. Then I talked to my ex about it and he told me that this girl let it slip at a dinner party that barely anyone is coming to this shower and she is pissed because she wanted all new cute boy stuff (she had a girl last time). Nice, huh? I guess I was right with my original thought.



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