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Post Info TOPIC: I hate my boyfriend's prep school buddy...
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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I hate my boyfriend's prep school buddy...
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You know how some people rub you the wrong way? And some people make you wish you could run over them with a heavily loaded semi? Then maybe, back up and, like, smear 'em a few more times while laughing maniacally?

I had to work with my boyfriend's prep school buddy for a while. He's a pig. He talks about boobs all the time, asks about and makes recommendations for our sex life, drops horribly racist asides on a regular basis like, "Well you know that girl is... but I can't say that without looking bad, heh, heh..." (Newsflash! You STILL look bad!) He lied to me about several rather significant work situations (and was dumb enough to get caught!) and is just overall a jackass and an idiot.

The point isn't how awful he is, though. The point is: How awful can I be to him whenever we're forced to be in public together? He's a fake hugger, so far I've actually just ducked his arm and walked off. But my boyfriend does share a history with the doink. And I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable. It's not their problem.

Can I pretend he isn't there? Pretend not to hear him? Or just stare at him until he gets uncomfortable? So far, I've gone with, "I put up with enough from that ass already, you are not inviting him!" But that's neither a perfect nor a long-term solution.

PS - The boyfriend knows his friend is a total loser. He's not defending him. He just has history with the guy and an outsized sense of loyalty to everyone. Also, their parents are long-time friends.

UPDATE:

Thanks guys! The things he angers me about are serious - racism and sexism and general asshattery. But he is an idiot and does not need to be a large part of my thoughts when he's around. It's just hard to separate the two sometimes, you know?


-- Edited by Dizzy at 15:55, 2008-07-09

-- Edited by Dizzy at 15:57, 2008-07-09


-- Edited by Dizzy at 14:30, 2008-07-10

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Hermione


Kate Spade

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sheesh. I wish I could give you advice but this is a tough situation given that you'd like to be considerate to everyone else ;)

Personally, I'd probably end up telling him that his comments were disgusting and that my sex life was none of his business, and then remain civil in public. Probably I'd extend my hand for a handshake before he could get his grubby arms around me.

But then I'm on an increasingly honest trip - maybe i'll be one of those 70 yr old ladies who has qualms about telling people what's wrong with them! (I kid, I hope I won't be like that - but some people just need to hear it)

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Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

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I vote for the freeze-out. One or two word replies to any questions that aren't offensive. For those that are, don't even acknowledge. When he moves in for a hug, step back and wave at him.

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"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - G. Radner
Hermione


Kate Spade

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oooh, i like starstuff's advice.
and THEN, when he asks you what's wrong, THEN you can say his comments are disgusting! haha
hooray!


(i am EXTREMELY offended by guys like that so this is a sore spot)

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"Jesus called, He wants your Thriller album."
esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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Tricky. Let's brainstorm. You could ask pointed questions about things you know make him feel awkward but do it all dressed up in a nice way. Basically just figure out his insecurities and play on them. But make sure it's not obvious. And of course never ever let him see you sweat.

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jrhampt


Kenneth Cole

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I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing out to him when he says something racist or sexist. Tell him to keep it to himself when he's around you because you don't appreciate his stupid comments and it offends you that he would think you'd want to hear his racist/sexist bullshit. Probably he's not used to hearing that, and it would do him some good. Not to mention that it's unprofessional for him to say that kind of stuff when he's working with you, regardless of an external relationship.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Amen to Jrhampt. I think people should be called out on their racist and sexist BS (Belief System, that is). It's fine to keep it about you, not him - so instead of "you're a racist, sexist idiot," you'd say, "I'm actually offended by that, and I'm going to change the subject to something more appropriate. So, has anyone tried that new restaurant on Fifth street?" Repeat as necessary.

Don't worry about if it makes other people uncomfortable, it makes YOU uncomfortable. I believe you're doing humanity a favor by letting him know that not all of us find this frat house shtick adorable.

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