STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lynnie · Chanel

text or phone call?

Kelly · Hermes

I think I'd call. I'm a little biased because I don't ever ever text (I've sent like, 3 in my life?) but I think that calling would show a lot more confidence and, yes, be less junior high. If he doesn't want to be interrupted or put on the spot, I doubt he'll answer a call from a random number, KWIM? And if that friend gave him *your* number, he'll see your name when you call and he'll be able to decide whether or not he feels confident enough to talk to a pretty girl right at that moment.

ETA: I know this is a remote possibility, but if he doesn't even have text messaging he wont' get your message and you'll be waiting for a response that will never come. My current plan doesn't have text messaging (I don't use it, and I have my cell through work, so I told them they could drop that). People get annoyed with me sometimes and call/e-mail to say "Why didn't you ever answer my text?" but I can't even recieve them, and the sender never knows!

-- Edited by ttara123 at 22:50, 2008-04-16

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Totally call!!!!!!!! Call and hope for a voicemail so he can call you back and it will be less awkward (sometimes I call when I know people won't answer the phone).

Text shows that you don't care so much and that you are cushioning yourself, I HATE when guys text instead of call. He will totally be into your confidence. Good luck!

member · Hermes

Call! I had a friend who dated a guy and all they ever did was text eachother. I just thought it was so impersonal. Especially when you're trying to form a relationship. You definitely need to call.

blink · Coach

Yeah, call. Texting isn't appropriate in this circumstance, it's kinda "I don't want to act like I care."

And BTW, I totally echo TTara123's sentiment. When are the cell phone carriers going to figure out how to let texters know their message didn't go anywhere. I never text anyone unless I already know for sure that they have texting.

kmd · Kate Spade

Please call! I think a text might be cute if you had talked and hung out a couple times, but I think the first move should be a phone call.
I'm overall pretty opposed to texting, especially those really long ones where it would have been quicker just to call, but that's a whole different subject. haha.

I wouldn't worry about interrupting him, either. If he's too busy, he probably won't answer. I'm an artist, so I'm just kind of going by that.

kmd · Kate Spade

Oh, and just to add, I had been seeing this guy at me & my friends go to local bar for a while and he gave me his number, I gave him mine. He called me right away, I missed it. Called him back twice (a week apart!!)... he responded with a 2 page text. Lame. I was totally put off by it.

lynnie · Chanel

Yes, you all are echoing what I think.
I met someone else last week and he got my number and joked- So what will it be? Awkward text or facebook message? But he called the next day and I liked that. I agree that it is a slight turn off to get a text as your first contact. It can be nerve wracking to pick up the phone but you need that feeling sometimes!
I guess in NYC, everyone hooks up and dates so casually that I forget what is appropriate. I know way too many guys that don't ever pick up the phone and only text. Lame!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

lynnie wrote:

I guess in NYC, everyone hooks up and dates so casually that I forget what is appropriate. I know way too many guys that don't ever pick up the phone and only text. Lame!

OMG YES. I have girlfriends that get nervous bc they have a text. "Oooh he texted me, what should I say?" Or they spend 7 hours analyzing what was said or whether there was a typo. Or they are sleeping with someone and they text eachother but have never even talked on the phone. Or he's "not a phone guy". I think texting lets people get away with putting in less and less effort and getting the same result but maybe I'm old fashioned.

I prefer to use texting for "Im going to be late" or "can you pick up soda?" things like that

kmd · Kate Spade

XtinaStyles wrote:

I prefer to use texting for "Im going to be late" or "can you pick up soda?" things like that

Yeah, exactly! I have friends that text all day long... I just don't get it!

blubirde · Chanel

Imo, text = hooking up/fun stuff and calling = interested. It's easier to text but you're pretty much dooming yourself to a casual attraction at best. That's not always the case, of course, but it's my rule of thumb for communication with all kinds of people.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

I used to be an adamant adviser against texting, because I feel like you're setting a precedent for even more removed form of communication. To me the hierarchy for communication is as follows:

1. In person. You can gauge eye contact, body language, voice inflection, all that stuff.

2. Phone call. At least you've still got the voice inflection.

3. Email. At least you've got room to write and it's less demanding/inconvenient than the two above.

4. Text. More abbreviated than email yet comes with its own set of etiquette/demands that not everyone knows about. Some people expect a text reply right away, others don't think it's a big deal to wait a while, etc., etc.

Having said all that, I say I "used to" advise against texting because I am currently crushing on a boy who just loves texting, and I totally always text him back. And of course I'm afraid that I'm dooming myself to exactly what blubirde mentioned. But I love hearing from him any way I can...so yeah, I'm in some pretty dangerous territory. Dizzy knows the entire saga (not that it's that interesting of a saga really) and at some point I'll post it all here to get y'all's advice.

Anyway, good luck lynnie, and I hope your situation progresses faster/better than mine!

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Well, I don't know...

I am an avid texter. In fact, all my friends tease me about it. There is a running joke "if you want to get J to talk to you on the phone, don't answer her text messages or text her to call you".

So, my boyfriend is a caller and I am a texter. I am very into him, but just don't like the phone. I mention this because I don't think text is always meant to be impersonal. Also, I work in technology, so the phone and all the gadgets are natural to me.

That being said, in this situation, go with a phone call. Later, I think it is perfectly appropriate to text!! biggrin