STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

SIL's baby shower...

jah · Dooney & Bourke

I like the idea of flowers for the shower (with a nice card) and taking the present to the hospital. You shouldn't feel obligated to go... especially on one week notice. As long as you do something to let your SIL know you care, I think that is fine... plus, visiting her in the hospital when the baby is born is so much more personal than attending a mass party anyway.

On another note, I thought people only had baby showers for the 1st child? Am I dreaming that?

Metric · Gucci

jah wrote:

On another note, I thought people only had baby showers for the 1st child? Am I dreaming that?

I've always heard that as well. But I think its becoming more common (although no less tacky) to have a shower for each baby. I'm not a fan, it seems like a cash-grab to me. I won't go to 2nd or 3rd baby showers.

blubirde · Chanel

The shower for a 3rd kid is a whooole other issue. I'm guessing some people just don't know it's perceived as tacky. My mom is the one who told me about the 1 shower only rule and now she's giving me sh*t about going to this one. It's completely weird.

Suasoria · Chanel

I would send a gift with a note saying sorry you can't be there. Better to have the gift noted at the shower than forgotten in the hustle of the hospital.

If it's been a loooong time since the last kid, or if the new baby is a different gender, or if the shower is for something other than monetary gifts (like everyone bring a dish the new parents can freeze and eat when the baby comes), then I'm OK with a second or third shower.

The week's notice thing is tacky. I would flake just based on that. Think you were on the B list?

blink · Coach

If I didn't have other plans, I would go. I totally love baby showers and shopping for gifts for babies, but that's just me.

And definitely, if it were my SIL, whether it's a week notice for a baby shower for her 10th kid, a bday party for her pet rabbit, pampered chef party, jewelry party...I would be expected to go and I know it would hurt her feelings if I didn't, so I would not flake.

And for the rest of you who think baby showers for second children and on is tacky, in my experience, most of these are much smaller than for the first child, like closest friends and family only, which would explain why the SIL has invited Blubirde. Some of my friends gave me a lunch baby shower for my second child, I didn't ask for it so it wasn't a cash grab, but it was greatly appreciated!

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

A weeks notice is too short of a notice, if you cant go, send a gift and a note. I think she'll understand.

On a related note...I didn't know showers were only for the 1st child? Shouldn't the 2nd, 3rd, etc. be given a welcome party as well? Especially if the kids are far apart in age, I doubt the mom has kept all her old baby gear.

blubirde · Chanel

BargainQueen wrote:

On a related note...I didn't know showers were only for the 1st child? Shouldn't the 2nd, 3rd, etc. be given a welcome party as well? Especially if the kids are far apart in age, I doubt the mom has kept all her old baby gear.

There are exceptions to every rule (i.e. the babies are far apart, food showers, diaper showers, etc.) but generally speaking you're only supposed to have showers for the first kid.

My SIL's kids are all pretty close in age (oldest is 7, youngest is 3), and she says she still has everything yet she registered at Target for all this huge baby stuff (mattresses, strollers, etc.) and practically nothing disposable (diapers, etc., which I would totally get seeing as how you need those things regardless of which baby it is). I don't get it. It seems in bad taste to me but whatever.

I'm not going. She lives too far away for such short notice. Oh well. I'll send flowers and/or a gift and let that be that.

sfclinevandy · Coach

Honestly... you're nice to even send a gift. My etiquette books say that when RSVPing no, no gift is necessary. Because I'm mean, since it's not her first baby I wouldn't send anything but I probably would if it was her first.

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

blubirde wrote:
There are exceptions to every rule (i.e. the babies are far apart, food showers, diaper showers, etc.) but generally speaking you're only supposed to have showers for the first kid.

Oh ok. I was kind of asking for me, he he. wink

DH and I are talking about a possible #2 in the next 2 years and by then DD will be 6 years old or so. Plus, I donated/sold all my baby stuff and what I did keep is girly stuff...what if it's a boy? It's silly to be thinking all that stuff, but it made me kind of sad that my new baby wouldn't get a party. I would love to have a co-ed BBQ thing the next time around though.

blubirde · Chanel

BargainQueen wrote:

blubirde wrote:
There are exceptions to every rule (i.e. the babies are far apart, food showers, diaper showers, etc.) but generally speaking you're only supposed to have showers for the first kid.

Oh ok. I was kind of asking for me, he he. DH and I are talking about a possible #2 in the next 2 years and by then DD will be 6 years old or so. Plus, I donated/sold all my baby stuff and what I did keep is girly stuff...what if it's a boy? It's silly to be thinking all that stuff, but it made me kind of sad that my new baby wouldn't get a party. I would love to have a co-ed BBQ thing the next time around though.

First I think you should do what you want to do. Second, you could always have a party for the baby and say no gifts or something. FWIW, I always give gifts for babies but for any other than the first, I give them when I first visit the baby. I'd never show up to see a new baby empty-handed and I'm sure most people feel the same way, regardless of 1st, 2nd, etc.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

Only a week's notice, two hours away. Heck no! If you are still needing people to buy you stuff by your third baby, maybe you should have saved things in storage or saved money.

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

The lack of notice and the distance are the biggest kickers. I would decline because of that and say that you will definitely be there when baby arrives.

littlebean · Kate Spade

With such short notice, two hours away and the third child, I think that your decision to stay home but to send some flowers or a gift along to the event is 100% appropriate (and gracious).

-- Edited by littlebean at 16:51, 2008-04-08