STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Collette · Chanel

Things I've learned in my (insert #) years

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

Here's a poem my best friend showed me when we were about to graduate high school:

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul ...
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises...

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes open, with the grace of a man or woman...
not the grief of a child, and learn to build all your roads on to-day because
tomorrow's ground in too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much,
you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong and you really do have worth..
And you learn... and you learn...
With every goodbye...You learn

-- Edited by esquiress at 16:11, 2008-03-29

lynnie · Chanel

Mine are less poetic...

*At my college graduation, our speaker told us "When you are young, you will have no security, but every opportunity. When you are older, you will have security but less opportunity. Try to appreciate both." I keep reminding myself that the fun part of life is the surprises. I don't need to have it all figured out, and never will.

*Work with people you like.

*Stop creating never ending to-do lists. My kitchen drawer may never be perfectly organized and once it is, something else will be in disarray. Let it go.

*Spend weekends exploring, either by yourself, with good friends, or with people that you want to learn more about. Live somewhere you love.

*Enjoy every meal. Don't eat bland food unless you are deathly ill and nothing else will stay down.

*Buy less, and only things you truly need or can get excited about.

*Try not to be intimidated by situations or people. And even if you are, don't let it stop you from participating or talking to someone. It is a good kind of scared.

*Gilmore girls is an amazing show.

*I will only really fall for a person that challenges and inspires me. These people are rare.

relrel · Marc Jacobs

It's not going to kill you.

This is really the only thing I've ever learned but it's served me quite well. No matter what the situation, this motto works. Public speaking, painful high heels, a bitchy co-worker. Whatever.

Oh, and I do have one more:

If they're your friends, they won't care. If they're not your friends, it doesn't matter.

Applies to the same type of situations as the first one does. I'm a loud-mouth, opinionated, sometimes bitch who says really stupid stuff because I think I'm funny. My friends love me for that and I couldn't care less if everybody else hates me for it.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

mmm all good words of wisdom.

Here are mine that I have learned:

1.) Dogs can help cure a very bad day. They are always happy to see you, cant give you advice (good or bad) and make the best cuddle buddies.

2.) It is just stuff. having less of it, more of it whatever is still at the end of the day stuff.

3.) You can not change other people. You can change how you react to them, but you cant change them.

4.) We make our own choices in life and we must be responsible for them. Circumstances can cause our choices, but we still make the choice.

5.) Everyone is a hypocrite in some way.

6.) be thankful for all the blessings in your life, big or small.

joy0302 · Kate Spade

When making resolutions for the new year only come up with ones that are fun things you want to accomplish. (This I learned the hard way after sticking to one where I ate salad every single day for a year).

When getting married do your best to find an orphan for a mate! Inlaws, unless you are the lucky minority, are not enjoyable to be around!

Surround yourself with wonderful people you truly care about. With friendships the saying quality over quanity really is true. It is better to have a few friends who will always be there for you than 50 who are only around for the good times.

Appreciate everything you have! No matter what are problems are there are so many people who have bigger ones.

AllieGurl I totally second the dog one! I always feel better after seeing my pup!

Ooh and I always try to remember this quote I read:
Good manners will often take people where neither money nor education will take them.

Kelly · Hermes

-Love cannot cure, change, or overcome all things. And I'm no less of a romantic for having learned that.

-Fresh air can cure heartbreak, a stinky dog, and a stuffy house.

-It may not be fair, and it may not be right, but people do notice when you are dressed well. You don't need a lot of money to do this. You need only to respect yourself and it will come naturally.

-Plants are a wonderful investment.

-Paint your toenails even in the winter. They are a bright spot while getting dressed and undressed.

-Nothing feels quite as good as a freshly made bed, even if you just mess it up after you get in anyway

-Cheerios can be had for every meal.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 01:22, 2008-03-28

Suasoria · Chanel

Collette wrote:
The people you can judge to be the cruelest can actually turn out to be some of the kindest, and, alas, the opposite case can also definitely apply at times. It's amazing how rife with unexpected disappointments and surprises humanity can be at times.

Collette, get out of my head! Just in the last few weeks DH and I have been talking a lot about how off first impressions of people can be. I have so many examples of being surprised by people in this way. People I thought were cool and fabulous turn out to be awful. People I'm unimpressed with at first turn out to be great friends. Sometimes it takes months for me to get this right.

Here are some things I think I've learned. (I think!)

- Excercise is overrated.

- Money doesn't buy happiness, but it makes misery much more comfortable. Struggling financially is not romantic or avant-garde. It just sucks.

- Things that happened in the past are just the past. They don't have to be habits or cycles.

- Don't answer the phone unless you really want to talk to that person in that moment.

- No one has more power over you than you do. At this point in my life, it's amazing to realize that nothing my parents ever did has anything to do with who I am unless I let it.

- Wine is like art. If you like it, it's good. If you don't like it, it's not.

- Men and women can be lifelong platonic friends. Thank goodness.

- The opposite of peace isn't war, it's suffering.

- Intention is really important. You have to live your life intentionally and consciously. Don't do things in life that cause harm in the world and then pretend you're okay with it or make intellectual or emotional excuses for it. You are linked to the rest of the world. When you realize this sense of connection to people, animals, the planet, and the collective soul, the more authentic and happy you can be.

- That said, your kids probably still annoy me, no matter how cute and bright they are.

Teresa · Kate Spade

These arent mine. (im not very creative!)

-If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
-The greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.
-Instead of worrying about what others think you should think about others
-Love heals your heart

blubirde · Chanel

lynnie wrote:

*Gilmore girls is an amazing show.

Yes, yes, yes! I appreciate it more now that it's gone.

Mine sounds cynical but it's really not: Stop being shocked by other people's bad behavior. It hinders your ability to respond.

I find this to be true more and more. It keeps me from getting railroaded, keeps me on my feet, and makes me more accepting of myself, as odd as that sounds.

atlgirl · Gucci

Awesome thread!! Here are mine (well, some mine, some culled from elsewhere. But all I try (try!) to live by):

- Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.

- Hear both sides when judging.

- Keep your promises.

- Don't cut what can be untied.

- Never, ever compromise your integrity.

- Learn to recognize the inconsequential. Then ignore it.

- Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

- Don't underestimate the power of forgiveness.

- Never deprive someone of hope. It might be all they have.

- Be kinder than necessary.

- It is a mistake to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do whatever you can.

- Every day we are given stones. But what do we build? Is it a bridge, or is it a wall?

That last is my favorite. I came across it many years ago, and it really makes me think about my interactions with everyone.

I am definitely going to add some of the thoughts posted here to my list. Thanks, ladies!

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

I love these .. I am printing them up!

atlgirl wrote:

- Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.

- Don't cut what can be untied.

- Learn to recognize the inconsequential. Then ignore it.

- Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

- It is a mistake to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do whatever you can.

- Every day we are given stones. But what do we build? Is it a bridge, or is it a wall?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

-Its never as bad as you think it will be

-Its better to have wonderful things in moderation than to have a lot of something that is only mediocre (applies to clothes, food, wine, furniture, friends...)

- Take every opportunity you get to travel, and enjoy it to its fullest. also, don't be afraid to travel alone.

-fresh flowers can transform a house

-find a way to do something that you love for a living. You spend too much time at work to be miserable there.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

There are a million ways to be happy. Don't limit yourself to just one way to get there.

Happiness is a choice, not a consequence.

Always find the kind way to say something, you'll be heard more that way.

Nobody owes you anything, so don't act like they do.

Fight like a warrior, but lose like a lady.

If something embarrassing happens, just act like it doesn't bother you. Invariably, it's more in your head than anywhere else.

Be honest, especially to yourself. If you lie too much, you'll stop recognizing the truth.

Sit up straight.

Forgive and forget. You're only punishing yourself if you don't.

Realize that your reality is not everyone else's. Don't assume anything about someone else's life.

Keep track of your weight, losing five pounds is way easier than losing twenty.

If you ever find yourself panicking, do NOT make any big decisions in the frame of mind. You don't want to be stuck with the consequences when the panic passes (and it will, it always does).

A smile is the quickest, cheapest way to better your appearance.

Surround yourself with people who want only the best for you.

-- Edited by esquiress at 23:21, 2008-03-28

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Being ambitious and vocal does not make me a bitch, it makes me driven and anyone that doesn't like that can breathe my dust!

You can't make your whole life about work, but it is okay to make it a really important part as long as it is enjoyable.

You can't make someone love you that doesn't want to and shouldn't waste one second trying.

Years will be spent building trust, seconds spent destroying it.

Smile and charm will get you by for a short time, but to get by in the long term, you gotta know something (or someone).

Education is a beautiful thing that everyone deserves.

People and places are not the same and travel is an excellent way to learn that.

A diploma does not make someone intelligent.

It's okay to get angry, it is not okay to stay angry.

Learning to forgive yourself is as important as learning to forgive others.

Curly haired boys are dangerous (and adorable).

I have the power to change a bad day to a good one.

The designer of airport restroom stalls with doors that swing out is a genious!

Pack light for long trips.

A broken heart will heal, it really will.

Trust, but verify.

People change and that is a good thing.

Embrace change or be left behind.

People don't always say what they are thinking or think what they are saying.

Its okay to not be sweet, it is not okay to not be kind.

There will never be enough time, so you must take advantage of the time that you have.

Wine and a phone at 3 am do not mix.

jah · Dooney & Bourke

I loved reading these lists, so I did a search online and found this one that takes a look at what people from age 6 to 92 said... thought it was very interesting (and found some good ones).

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". Age 6

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9

I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. Age 13

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26

I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29

I've learned...that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 39

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 41

I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply send them a little card. Age 44

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 46

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 52

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. Age 61

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65

I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66

I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72

I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several. Age 73

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
Age 85

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92

All of this also reminds me of my favorite speech, which I have framed on my office wall.

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation the Macintosh a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Kelly · Hermes

jah wrote:

Curly haired boys are dangerous (and adorable).

ha! This one cracked me up because I have learned that I am extremely dangerous to curly boys! All of the hearts that I've really, seriously, broken were of men with curly hair. Weird! I never thought about that before!