STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ladysi78250 · Dooney & Bourke

Valentine's Gifts for loved one

Suasoria · Chanel

Hard to say. Is he into jewelry? Is he Jewish?

I wasn't aware that there was 'halfsies' jewelry out there for adults.

My husband and I are past the stage where we acknowledge VD. (Valentines Day, that is.)

Alegria · Kate Spade

Suasoria wrote:

My husband and I are past the stage where we acknowledge VD. (Valentines Day, that is.)

http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/lmao.gif
I needed that! hee, hee.

ladysi78250 · Dooney & Bourke

Any other ideas anybody? I looked at last years posts, but still can't think of anything.

Hermes

well, hmmm... my husband and I just go out to dinner for vday. how about going out to a nice dinner? if you want to do that, better make reservations now...

what are your boyfriend's interests? that may help spark some gift ideas for him... jewelry can be tricky - a lot of guys aren't into it - if he is, I think the necklace idea could be nice for you if you think both you and he will wear it.

Hermes

Suasoria wrote:

Hard to say. Is he into jewelry? Is he Jewish?

I wasn't aware that there was 'halfsies' jewelry out there for adults.

My husband and I are past the stage where we acknowledge VD. (Valentines Day, that is.)

I don't think the jewelry is necessarily jewish because of the yiddish word - isn't a god worshipped in most religions? I also find the "halfsies" jewelry for adults and "past the stage" comments kind of snarky... I'm assuming you wanted to make it clear that you look down on people for wanting to celebrate valentines day? I understand it's very commercial, but jeez -- it doesn't make me inferior to you...

Teresa · Kate Spade

i like it, i think it is very meaningful.

ladysi78250 · Dooney & Bourke

I liked the idea, because of the meaning. So whenever we are apart, we will still have a "piece" of one another.

Athough D, I like your idea, a fancy restaurant, and a trip to the movies will suffice.

jessjoy · Kenneth Cole

i think the necklace is a very sweet idea, every time he looked at it he would think of you, plus my DH has the alpha and omega ring from james avery and he wears it everyday. i think you're bf would really appreciate it:)

Suasoria · Chanel

D wrote:

I don't think the jewelry is necessarily jewish because of the yiddish word - isn't a god worshipped in most religions? I also find the "halfsies" jewelry for adults and "past the stage" comments kind of snarky... I'm assuming you wanted to make it clear that you look down on people for wanting to celebrate valentines day? I understand it's very commercial, but jeez -- it doesn't make me inferior to you...

Oh, D, you read way too much into my post, I fear.

DH and I have been together for 12 years so we really are past the point in our relationship where we give each other sweet gifts for birthdays and holidays. (We're old, and heavily mortgaged.) I guess that's bad...the romance is gone! I didn't even think about commercialism or whatever. But I mentioned it as a response to Ladysi's question about what we were getting our SOs. I certainly don't "look down on" people who do! Viva young love!

Yeah, I figured the use of the OT term Mizpah (connection when separated) was a Judaic reference and might have a lot of meaning to someone who is Jewish. It must be a more common term than I thought.

"Halfsies" just seemed like an understandable term. I was thinking of those "Best Friends" necklaces. Again, no snark intended. I do think the necklace is cool, I haven't seen any like it IRL.

Hope this smooths any ruffled feathers.

Hermes

Suasoria wrote:

D wrote:

I don't think the jewelry is necessarily jewish because of the yiddish word - isn't a god worshipped in most religions? I also find the "halfsies" jewelry for adults and "past the stage" comments kind of snarky... I'm assuming you wanted to make it clear that you look down on people for wanting to celebrate valentines day? I understand it's very commercial, but jeez -- it doesn't make me inferior to you...

Oh, D, you read way too much into my post, I fear.

DH and I have been together for 12 years so we really are past the point in our relationship where we give each other sweet gifts for birthdays and holidays. (We're old, and heavily mortgaged.) I guess that's bad...the romance is gone! I didn't even think about commercialism or whatever. But I mentioned it as a response to Ladysi's question about what we were getting our SOs. I certainly don't "look down on" people who do! Viva young love!

Yeah, I figured the use of the OT term Mizpah (connection when separated) was a Judaic reference and might have a lot of meaning to someone who is Jewish. It must be a more common term than I thought.

"Halfsies" just seemed like an understandable term. I was thinking of those "Best Friends" necklaces. Again, no snark intended. I do think the necklace is cool, I haven't seen any like it IRL.

Hope this smooths any ruffled feathers.

No, I don't think I read too much into your post.

"I wasn't aware that there was 'halfsies' jewelry out there for adults" comes across as condescending.

My husband and I are past the stage where we acknowledge VD. (Valentines Day, that is.) This comes across as elitist in that it implies those of us who celebrate Valentine's Day are at a lower stage of maturity than you are.

I have been married for 10 years and am older than you.

Maybe you're just not aware that you come across as condescending and elitist.

Kelly · Hermes

honestly, when I read Suasoria's post I didn't think she meant to be condescending. I just perceived her to be commenting that she doesn't give or get gifts with her SO, which was kind of relevant in the context (since we're talking about giving presents) and commenting on the actual piece at hand - I also wasn't aware that there were those half-pendants available for adults, but I say that in an "oh cool, I didn't know that" sort of a way and not any kind of condescending way. If anything, I thought she was mentioning the fact that they don't acknowledge VD in a wistful sort of way, because the day does apparently mean more to ladysi and her SO than to Suasoria and hers.
Now that it's been brought up I can see how it could be percieved as being mean, but that thought never even crossed my mind before the topic of Suasoria's tone was brought up.

Ladysi - FWIW I think it's a really cool idea. If he wears jewelry and is a sentimental type, I think he'd love it. Even if he doesn't wear jewelry, you could wear yours as a necklace and he could put his on a keychain (so he'd still have it with him everywhere he goes)

-- Edited by ttara123 at 16:37, 2008-01-31

Hermes

ttara123 wrote:

I also wasn't aware that there were those half-pendants available for adults, but I say that in an "oh cool, I didn't know that" sort of a way and not any kind of condescending way. If anything, I thought she was mentioning the fact that they don't acknowledge VD in a wistful sort of way, because the day does apparently mean more to ladysi and her SO than to Suasoria and hers.
Now that it's been brought up I can see how it could be percieved as being mean, but that thought never even crossed my mind before the topic of Suasoria's tone was brought up.

Ladysi - FWIW I think it's a really cool idea. If he wears jewelry and is a sentimental type, I think he'd love it. Even if he doesn't wear jewelry, you could wear yours as a necklace and he could put his on a keychain (so he'd still have it with him everywhere he goes)

-- Edited by ttara123 at 16:37, 2008-01-31

I'm sorry, ttara, I don't agree. "I wasn't aware that there was 'halfsies' jewelry out there for adults" is basically saying "you're an adult and the jewlery you're considering is for children" -- I don't think there's any disputing that. It came across as condescending if not insulting and rude. I don't understand why she responded at all if she has no interest in Valentine's Day or Valentine's gifts -- I felt the sole motivation for the response was to be condescending and elitist.

squishy · Coach

the halfsies comment itself could be genuine curiosity. but coupled with the other 2 statements, it comes off as condescending to me, too. i bit my tongue when i first read suasoria's comment.

aside from the reference to her relationship with her husband (which D already mentioned), i found the "is he jewish?" comment odd.

rosie_the_riveter · Gucci

Ladysi, I love those! I think he would like them as well.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

what about cufflinks or an engraved money clip?

or something less expensive but still cute, like super warm socks and hot chocolate or I

you IOU's (handmade vouchers that say "good for one backrub", stuff like that)

also about to wade into deep waters here: deep breath: here are my two cents with regard to the allegedly condescending nature of Suasoria's comment:

I didn't find it condescending. I thought the "is he jewish" comment was understandable in context. The saying is a Hebrew one, it could (and probably does) mean more to someone who is Jewish. Just like when I went to the Vatican, I bought rosaries for all my Catholic friends. I thought it would mean more to them than it did to my other friends (who are Christian but not Catholic).

And the "past that stage" comment I understood too. One of my very best guy friends has been happily married for 5 years now, when I asked him about Valentine's, he made a comment similar to Suasoria's. In fact, his comment could actually be seen as very condescending, he said, "Valentine's Day is for new relationships and bad relationships. New because the feelings are still insecure and need to be affirmed and bad because you need a holiday to hold it [meaning the relationship] together." I laughed and told him I'm sure there were plenty of good "old" relationships where people celebrated Valentine's, like D and her husband's relationship. But anyway, the "past that stage" way of thinking is pretty common and not necessarily condescending.

And to be honest, if anything, I found D's "I don't think there's any disputing that" comment conclusory and dismissive. Obviously there is "disputing" that. Ttara just disputed it. And now I am (for better for worse...)

Hermes

esquiress wrote:

And to be honest, if anything, I found D's "I don't think there's any disputing that" comment conclusory and dismissive.

the fact I wrote "I don't think" makes it non-conclusory. if you have a dispute to my interpretation of the statement I was referring to, let's hear it.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

Ok, the literal interpretatation of the comment "I wasn't aware" is not condescending, in my opinion. There's my dispute. Suasoria could just have genuinely, honestly, been unaware that such jewelry existed. Not passive-aggressively trying to poke at ladysi, just truly honestly ignorant about that type of jewelry for adults.

Here's an example:

I didn't used to be aware that people were allowed to smoke indoors. I've grown up in California and it's always been my understanding that people aren't allowed to smoke inside. I remember going into a bar in Vegas a long time ago

and being genuinely surprised that people were smoking inside. My comment "I didn't know people could smoke inside" was not intended to be condescending to smokers, and it wasn't interpreted that way by anyone (although in hindsight I could see how it could be), it was just a literal statement of my ignorance. That's it.

Hope that helps.

Hermes

esquiress wrote:

Ok, the literal interpretatation of the comment "I wasn't aware" is not condescending, in my opinion. There's my dispute. Suasoria could just have genuinely, honestly, been unaware that such jewelry existed. Not passive-aggressively trying to poke at ladysi, just truly honestly ignorant about that type of jewelry for adults.

Here's an example:

I didn't used to be aware that people were allowed to smoke indoors. I've grown up in California and it's always been my understanding that people aren't allowed to smoke inside. I remember going into a bar in Vegas a long time ago
and being genuinely surprised that people were smoking inside. My comment "I didn't know people could smoke inside" was not intended to be condescending to smokers, and it wasn't interpreted that way by anyone (although in hindsight I could see how it could be), it was just a literal statement of my ignorance. That's it.

Hope that helps.

I still don't buy it, but thanks for your efforts smile

Suasoria · Chanel

(Shrug)

All I can say is there was no intention of being condescending. I apologize to D and Ladysi if they were offended in any way. I do think it's a nice gift...