STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Teresa · Kate Spade

commenting on weight loss

Kitty · Hermes

I always tell people when I think they've lost weight, because I'd want the same in return.

I HAVE had people say "not that you needed to or anything, but have you lost weight?" So, I guess you could take that approach?

Kelly · Hermes

I find it awkward to comment on weight directly, too. So I usually say, "I don't know what it is about you, but you really look great lately." Then if they want to bring up the weight loss, they can. Otherwise, they just say "thanks" but still know they look great anyway.

atlgirl · Gucci

I guess it depends, for me. If it was a significant amount of loss - like going from very overweight to a much more more healthy weight / more fit, I'd definitely comment / compliment. But I don't know that I'd comment on a few pounds (like 10)...I might think to myself, "Has so-and-so lost some weight?" but if I wasn't sure, I might not say anything at all.

I think it's odd that your friend would be upset that you didn't notice / comment unless the amount lost was significant. I've never had any of my friends chide me for not paying that much attention to them...

Elle · Hermes

I think a simple "Wow, you look great!" is always appropriate. No risk of embarassment on either of your parts, and who doesn't like to hear that they look great? Doesn't matter if it's due to weight loss or not, it's still a fun thing to hear!

erin · Chanel

i HATE "you look great/did you lose weight!?" and think it's really inappropriate as an adult to comment on someone's weight even in a good way.

lynnie · Chanel

For a few pounds (like atlgirl said) , no way! That's just vanity weight! Why should it be assumed that everyone looks better after they've lost 5-10 lbs?
If something must be said, a simple "you look great!" should suffice. But even then, the person might think it's simply because they've lost weight.
I personally hate when people think I've lost weight. If someone said something like, "Oh your arms look toned" I guess I'd see that as more of a compliment.

luckylily · Gucci

I personally like to stick w/ something more general like..."Wow, you look really amazing!"

The only time I comment on weight is if someone has shared with me the fact that they are trying to lose. If they are comfortable enough w/ me that they've talked about their weight struggle, then I feel OK giving them that more specific encouragement.

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

I took a Nutrition for Health class last semester and it was discouraged to say, "wow you look great, did u lose weight" comments because if that person gains the weight back in their mind they think they look horrible just because they're a bit heavier. We shouldnt associate "looking good" with being thin, a person can "look good" at any size. We were told that rephrasing the comments to "there's something different about you, did you change something" or something like that to get the conversation going while acknowledging you've noticed a change is encouraged.

Elle · Hermes

See, I don't mind being told that I look great, period. It's when there are qualifiers or questions attatched that it bothers me, because unless it's a close friend it seems nosy. Saying that someone looks great is just a compliment (IMO of course) and makes no mention of what in particular makes you appear better. I don't like "You look great! Have you lost weight?" because it's nosy and makes it sound like you look great now only because you've lost weight.

Asking if someone has lost weight is kind of inline with asking someone how much money they make or how much they paid for something. In a few cases it would be appropriate depending on how close you are, in other cases it would just be rude.

blubirde · Chanel

erin wrote:

i HATE "you look great/did you lose weight!?" and think it's really inappropriate as an adult to comment on someone's weight even in a good way.

Agreed. As someone who is constantly losing/gaining weight (my lot in life I suppose), I hate it when people comment on stuff like that. I don't mind so much if it's a close friend, because obviously we talk about diets, working out, etc., but if it's an acquaintence or coworker or something like that, it seriously bugs. Maybe it's an insecurity thing or whatever but I don't think of myself as "fat" or "overweight" even though I may be, so when someone starts mentioning losing weight, it strikes me that people might think of me as "fat" or "overweight" and that's never a comforting thought.

Don't get me wrong, I like compliments, but there are ways to tell people they look good other than mentioning their weight.

So no, collegegirl, I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you were polite and your friend is weird to think you should comment.

halleybird · Hermes

I just saw one of my friends after awhile, and she'd lost a lot of weight -- maybe 40-50 lbs. I just said "Wow, you look really great!" and she responded by saying she's been going to the gym every day.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I'd only comment if I knew they'd been trying to...

I also loathe the "you look great? did you lose weight?" Did I not look great before? gee, thanks...

Kitty · Hermes

Wow, this is really suprising to me. Hope I haven't been offending people all these years..

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

"wow you look amazing" - I would stick with that.

NCshopper · Hermes

Kitty wrote:
Wow, this is really suprising to me. Hope I haven't been offending people all these years..

See, I think your comment ("Not that you needed to, but did you lose weight?") is fine. I think most people would be flattered by that.

I'm with the others in that a "You look great; did you lose weight?" comment does imply that you didn't look great before. A simple "You look great!" or "Did you lose weight?" would be fine, if the person is at a healthy weight now and genuinely looks good.

The only time that I really would avoid commenting on weight is if for any reason you thought the person didn't intend to lose weight. Disease, divorce, stress, and that kind of unpleasantness can bring on weight loss and in cases like that I really wouldn't bring it up. Which makes me think now, that commenting on weight loss in general might not actually be a good idea, since you never really know what's going on in a person's personal life.

Jamsicle · BCBG

I also wouldn't mention weight specifically, and although it generally looks good when people do, I know of a few cases where the person lost weight and started to look really haggard and terrible. And in some of those cases the people actually thought they looked good, but had managed to act on a really screwed up body image. Different people wear different levels of weight well, too. If I think it agrees with the person, I say they look great. In the few cases where it did not, I kept my mouth shut or simply asked the person how they had been doing, if life had been busy, etc.

I'm really not sure why your friend is upset, collegegirl, but I wouldn't change your behaviour because I think you'd probably offend more people if you did the opposite!

littlebean · Kate Spade

Elle wrote:

I think a simple "Wow, you look great!" is always appropriate. No risk of embarassment on either of your parts, and who doesn't like to hear that they look great? Doesn't matter if it's due to weight loss or not, it's still a fun thing to hear!

I agree. No need to mention weight, but complements are great.

Suasoria · Chanel

I am so guilty of "you look great, did you lose weight?" I blurted it out twice to a friend in the course of a month. It makes total sense to me why that's inappropriate. She needed to lose some but both times she said she didn't.

My husband and I have both lost 20+ pounds over the last few months and many people have made a comment to HIM but not me. I confess this did hurt my feelings.

As NCshopper mentions, I am a bit wary about mentioning it because you never know if someone is losing weight because they're ill or stressed out.