STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

wicked · Coach

DUH!

boobaby · Kate Spade

I'm so sorry, wicked. Be happy that the truth is out and you didn't spend more time trying to work through something that you cannot fix or change.

When I was young, my mom had a friend whose husband was clearly gay. They were a different generation and Catholic, and my mother's friend would not leave him or get a divorce. I always felt sorry for both of them and their children. It's just a bad situation all around. They were unhappily married for 30+ years.

joy0302 · Kate Spade

I am sorry wicked. Like boobaby said though since the truth came out now you can begin to deal with it move past it. Hopefully that will answer some questions as to why he behaved the way he did and let you know that you could not possibly have changed him. Take care of yourself, I am sure that is a mind blowing thing to hear.

Kelly · Hermes

I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say but ****HUGS****

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

WOW.

NCshopper · Hermes

AllieGurl wrote:

WOW.

Ditto.

And like boobaby said, good thing you left instead of trying to change something that couldn't be changed.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm glad you're away from him. Being close to someone who is lying all the time is completely disorienting and crazy-making. Please be good to yourself. And I'm sorry the relationship is over. That's always sad. Now is your chance to make the life you want, though. So I'm for you for that, too.

blubirde · Chanel

Omg - I've so been there. Only my ex and I weren't married, just in a 5-year relationship. Last I heard he'd gotten a boob job and was stripping at a cross-gendered club in San Fran. I love that city but I think it's hilarious there are places like that.

I can't say I had no clue about what was going on with him, because in retrospect there were tons of things I should have seen, you know? But at the time I was really shocked. To be honest though, it was so much easier to be done with him once he told me about that stuff than it would have otherwise been. It had nothing to do with me, I could never be with him again, and all the issues (okay not all but it's my story so they can be all) were his issues, not mine. It's a lot easier to get over the psychological trauma of a long term relationship ending when you realize your part in the bad stuff was pretty nominal, in the grand scheme of things.

Suasoria · Chanel

Congratulations on getting out of this relationship. You deserve to be with someone who wants you wholly and completely. Lack of intimacy, no matter what the reason, is definitely a big issue. (Anyone else watching 'Tell me you love me' on HBO?)

For what it's worth, I can't imagine the hell he's gone through keeping this secret from you and who knows who else. I have to give him an 'atta boy' for coming out, because in the long run it will be less painful for both of you now that he's being truthful.

On the more practical side, it's important for you to know whether or not he was unfaithful to you, and get tested for STDs if you haven't already.

atlgirl · Gucci

I'm sorry you had to go through this with him. A friend of mine had almost the exact same situation. They were married for 11 years and they got divorced about three years ago. He was hiding his homosexuality and major alcoholism from her.

She has three kids (two with him) and it wasn't easy, but she is doing really well - also just last month got married to a wonderful guy who adores her. They'd been dating about a year, I think.

It's great that you had the strength and took the initiative to get out. That's the hardest part - now everything you do is just moving you on to a being in a better place. *hugs*

wicked · Coach

Blubirde- I saw tons of things too, but I guess I was in denial.
Atlgirl- My ex was/is an alcoholic too.

Thanks everyone for the supportive words. Also, I met a guy a few months ago who is really wonderful. smile

Drew · Gucci

wicked wrote:
Also, I met a guy a few months ago who is really wonderful.

Yippeee!!! Moving on, good for you!

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Wicked, what a terrible, frustrating experience that must have been--I'm so glad you're free from it now, and that you've met somebody great! Also I'm glad for your ex's sake, too, that at least he seems to be on the path toward being true to who he really is.