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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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awkward situation with mother-in-law
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This has to do with a pet so I'm not sure if I should post it there instead, but:

We're getting a puppy on Saturday, a female yellow labrador retriever. We already named her Stella. We are so excited and have been reading all these puppy books, puppy proofing the apartment, and have totally rearranged our furniture to make room for her crate and have play space, etc. We've also set up a dog walker to take Stella out in the early evening, as I work from 1 - 9 and FH's work hours vary (usually 3 - 11 or so). He may switch to a 9 to 5 schedule as someone in his office just quit and there's an opening.

At any rate, his mom loves labs -- they had one when he was a kid and she is basically convinced they are the only dog worth having. She's very excited about us getting the puppy, which is nice and I understand why, but she said something yesterday to FH that she knew she'd want to come over a lot to see Stella. FH told me he thought this was great because she could help with the dog walking.

The idea of her having a key and coming over any time she wants, and I have no idea how often that would even be, bugs me. She can be very judgmental and demanding, and FH complains about this all the time. It is sad to see how upset this makes him and I know he wants very badly to have a better relationship with her, and probably hopes this is a way to that. But I don't think it's a good idea to entwine her in our lives like this because if it goes badly, and it usually does whenever he accepts help from her, we have a dog involved now.

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brazilian


Dooney & Bourke

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Hmm. Can you maybe say that while you appreciate the offer, you'd rather not, at least for now? Heres what I think, purely for the dogs sake. When my BF and I got our puppy, we were trying to keep her in a crate at the apartment while we were gone. Well, when BF's roommates were home they loved to play with her. It's nice for the puppy when someone is there, but then as soon as you have to put them back, they dont want to. I think it's confusing to the puppy. Also it will be even more confusing to the puppy because she will have 2 different sets of people training her. I know your MIL only wants to play with her, but she will need to tell the puppy not to do things, etc. Everyone has different ways of training their dogs, and it wont work properly if theres two different versions the puppy is getting.

What if you offer for her to come over on days you and FH will be there and you can all play with the puppy, or go for walks, to the park, etc. Another thing you could do is have her puppysit while you and FH go out on a date. Then she wont need to have a key.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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I don't blame you. I wouldn't want that either. I shudder to think.

In MIL's defense, she probably meant that she can't wait to come and play with the puppy on a Saturday afternoon, not get herself roped into walking it five days a week. Perhaps FH should not take advantage of her comments by suggesting she have real responsibility.

I might mention to FH that the two of you have made this commitment to having a dog - not the two of you and Mommy. If the two of you can't manage to take care of one dog's basic needs and bodily functions, then what does it say?

Fingers crossed FH gets the better work hours and the question becomes academic.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks for the input, ladies! We decided to just wait and see what happens. FH's position is that it can't hurt to have her as back-up if our regular dog walker falls through from time to time, and that she would be given strict guidelines for how often and when the visits can happen. I am going to lay off on the "no way" comments for now and see if it really does develop into something I'm okay with. If not, I'll address it with him.

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