STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hermes

what is up with this?

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

I think it's very rude. It takes time to review registries and select a gift and if someone registers for something I assume it's becaue they want/need it. It's also an inconsiderate thing to do to store employees - processing 15 returns is a huge PITA. People put time and effort into gift selections so if they'd rather just have the money, they should be upfront about it.

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I don't have a problem with it. I would rather them getting something that they will actually use than a blender that will sit in the back of the cabinet. I am not a huge fan of giving money though- even though I don't care what they do once I give the gift. IMO, you should give a gift to the person with the thought that once it is theirs it is no longer yours and therefore, they can do what they want with it.

I do know that you can register at Best Buy for your wedding though. Even if you don't tell anyone you registered there you can go buy whatever was on your registery for (i think) 10% off if no one gets it for you.

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

HeatherLynn wrote:

I don't have a problem with it. I would rather them getting something that they will actually use than a blender that will sit in the back of the cabinet. I am not a huge fan of giving money though- even though I don't care what they do once I give the gift. IMO, you should give a gift to the person with the thought that once it is theirs it is no longer yours and therefore, they can do what they want with it.

I do know that you can register at Best Buy for your wedding though. Even if you don't tell anyone you registered there you can go buy whatever was on your registery for (i think) 10% off if no one gets it for you.

I agree that I'd rather buy them something that they'd use, and if I bought a couple something random, without looking at a registry, I really wouldn't care if they returned it. But if I bought something after consulting a registry, and took the time to find out what they wanted (or, in this case, what they pretended to want), I'd be put off by the return. I feel that if you don't want it, you shouldn't ask for it.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I think its very tacky and money-grubbing. People are buying you a blender thinking it will help you build your new home. I don't think they'd buy a TV with those intentions.

My brother told me he returned alot of items on his baby registry for other items that they needed more immediately. I think this is totally ok, but returning for cash would be like a slap in the face in my opinion.

Who is this guest??? I'm guessing they're famous, they can't afford to buy a TV on their own?

Kelly · Hermes

Very tacky. I understand that with a lot of people getting married later now, and especially now that most people have their own homes before they merge together, that there are a lot of things newlyweds don't need anymore - like, they probably already have two blenders and toasters. But that's no excuse to be so tacky and rude. I got through a lot of effort to track down the things that my friends have on their registries so I know I'm giving them a gift that they'll enjoy. I would be very pissed off if I realized they only registered to get money out of me in the first place, especially for something like a TV!

HeatherLynn · Gucci

ttara123 you bring up a good point about merging two households. If they already have everything they need should they just not register at all? I have often wondered this because when I get married it will be merging two households. I, however, will want new stuff and will register for that. If a person doesn't want/need new stuff that doesn't mean they don't deserve wedding gifts (IMO), but I'm not sure what they should register for. I have seen the honeymoon funds- which I love- but some people think thats tacky as well. Thoughts?

lynnie · Chanel

well, while i think its tacky to admit to it, i can understand the dilemna. People want to buy you plates and blenders, you would rather have money or a honeymoon or a tv. I'm all for less crap you don't need and not having your space or other people's $$$ wasted on things you don't need.
I wish honeymoon funds, etc. weren't considered tacky. I'm all for getting people what they want in the first place.

Kelly · Hermes

HeatherLynn wrote:
If a person doesn't want/need new stuff that doesn't mean they don't deserve wedding gifts (IMO), but I'm not sure what they should register for. I have seen the honeymoon funds- which I love- but some people think thats tacky as well. Thoughts?

Honestly, I don't know what they should register for. Maybe make a registry at Best Buy so people at least know they want that - then people can decide whether to give money for that purpose to get a group of people to buy the TV together. I still don't know what I think about the honeymoon funds - I mean, I'm just about to graduate college and with all of my friends/relatives getting married, I will not be able to afford the most expensive thing on the registry. At least then I have a gift, though - if I just hand over money or donate to a honeymoon fund, I'd feel like a cheap bastard if some people donated hundreds and I kicked in $35. Even though presents can obviously be of wildly varying values, I guess I figure that giving something I can actually put in a box hopefully adds some personal value, as in "I couldn't spend a lot but I still went through the effort to give you this because I care"

I don't know...this is so tricky. But decieving people into giving you money instead of being upfront about what you want is rude, IMO

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

Honestly, I wouldn't really care what the couple did with the gift I gave them. Like someone said upthread, once I give the gift, its theirs. They can use it every day, store it in the basement, give it to goodwill or return it. That's none of my business. If I really wanted to give the B&G something special it would likely be hand-made and really unique (as opposed to bought from a store). The tacky part, in my opinion, is the bride (?) being so indiscrete about what they did with the presents. I don't think guests should know if you return a gift, if it can be helped.

littlebean · Kate Spade

HeatherLynn wrote:

I don't have a problem with it. I would rather them getting something that they will actually use than a blender that will sit in the back of the cabinet. I am not a huge fan of giving money though- even though I don't care what they do once I give the gift. IMO, you should give a gift to the person with the thought that once it is theirs it is no longer yours and therefore, they can do what they want with it.

I agree with this. It's probably poor taste to do that, but it doesn't really matter to me.

Some couples that I know that already have virtually everything they need/want register for a small number of "traditional gifts" (e.g. place settings or nice sheets) but then do a "charity registry" with an organization like Heifer International (where you can give a cow or chickens, etc., to farmers in developing countries in honor of the couple - it's online like a registry, too). There are numerous charities that do that now. I'd much rather donate to a worthy cause than buy baking materials that will never be used! Honeymoon registries are also really cool! They are not tacky at all in my opinion!

kealoha · Kate Spade

i saw this http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20070618/lf_ucda/greedycouplecashesinaftertheirweddingshower and was completely shocked.

like Starstuff, once i give a gift, i don't care what they do w/it. i just don't like that these brides were so open about returning the gifts for cash/credit.

subwolley · Kate Spade

Why would you even go to the trouble to put a registry together, knowing full well that you are going to return the gifts for cash? It's all about how you ask. If you want cash toward something as a gift, then maybe make a happy little flyer or put something on the invetation that says, "Help us get our dream wedding gift. Donations appreciated." I would have no problem giving cash as a gift. Actually I would prefer it because I hate the pressure of finding the "perfect gift" for someone. They can pick out there own gift.

halleybird · Hermes

When I was engaged, I remember looking in on the forums on The Knot, and ALL the girls were registering at Bed Bath and Beyond since you can return for cash.

We had a small registry (we didn't need much) and we mostly got money, which was fine. There were some, um, creative gifts, too (like the toaster oven that was very likely someone ELSE'S wedding gift once). But I would feel bad returning gifts.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

D, I might be the ST'er whose post you were referring to...I recently got a refund on my credit card after a friend returned the gift I got her from her registry. I was puzzled at first, but then just ordered her something else from the registry. Since I received a refund she didn't get any cash, so I don't think that's what she was aiming for.

I agree with Starstuff and HeatherLynn that once I give someone a wedding gift, they can do whatever they want with it. But being vocal about just returning everything on purpose for cash is very tacky, IMO.

This has been on my mind a lot lately because I recently got engaged and my FH and I have had a few discussions on what to do when we register. I'm 30 and he's 32, so we've both acquired cooking stuff, plates, glasses, towels, sheets, etc. But some of what I got was purchased right after college and was really inexpensive/not so nice, so it will be fun to have some better quality plates (for example, mine are pretty beat up) and also for us to pick out those things together. And I also like the idea of registering with a charity if you don't want anything for yourself. We think we'll make a donation to a charity instead of handing out favors at the reception.

The most important thing to me is that the people we love will be at our wedding -- I won't be mad or offended at all if someone got me a gift that was $35, like ttara mentioned. :) But I guess there are some bridezillas out there who would be...

-- Edited by scarlett at 20:53, 2007-06-21

erin · Chanel

i almost always give cash because i assume that's what the couple wants anyhow.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

I too have come to give cash as a wedding present. I do give a gift at the showers though. The cash thing began because by the timeI shop for their wedding, the stuff left on the registry is usually out of my price range, so I give a check.

I guess if they wanted cash for a TV, then either register for a TV or only register for a few tings you need, leaving the only option as cash or a random gift.

I just don't like the idea of registering with the intent of returning. And, it's not fair to the stores, either.

-gd

Hermes

the guest host was Sherri Shepherd - guess she's on some sitcom.

i don't think it's horribly tacky to return a gift, but to ask for gifts with only the intention to return them for cash is tacky IMO.

I don't see why people don't just have contribution registries - who are they trying to kid. I tend to give cash also. I never buy from a registry either. If they don't like my heart-felt gift to commemorate the celebration of their marriage, then that's their problem. a wedding is not supposed to be about money (maybe that's part of the reason why so many fail) JMO

blubirde · Chanel

I don't know. I can see the problem. My extended family, for instance, would seriously frown upon a registry at Best Buy or a honeymoon fund or even cash. They're an older generation, so maybe that's the thing, I don't know. So I could either register at a place they'd deem "proper" and take stuff back afterwards or I could risk them talking bad and thinking I'm tacky for requesting cash or something different. If I ever get married, I don't forsee this being a problem, personally, because all of my stuff is crap. I could use new stuff! But I can see the dilemma.

I agree with Starstuff who said the tacky thing is the bride announcing she did that, not necessarily doing it.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I think tis tacky. If your going to bother rgistering, register for stuff you want. Why ask for something just to return it? People that buy off the registery do it because they know that you'll like the gift....so registering to return is pointless. JMO.