STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

Sloppy parents=sick baby

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

Wow, is there anyone else who can help her out around the house? Since her DH is not much help when it comes to cleaning, maybe she is overwhelmed with the house work and the baby. I know it took me a while to get adjusted to my new life as a mom when I had my DD, especially when I went back to work FT and had class after work. My mom offered to come by once a week and clean up for us, because our house started looking like your friends' place. My DD is almost 3 now, and its still very hard to keep up some days. I doubt she deliberately sets that kind of environment out for her DD, but it seems to me like she needs some help with the house work. Maybe before the baby comes home, you could help her organize her house to make her feel better?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

oh wow.

I wonder if there's a tactful way to suggest that she get some help? I'm sure it can't be too expensive to get someoen to come in for an hour every other day or something and take care of some light cleaning.... I know that'll be a definate possibily for me when I have kids if I feel overwhelmed with getting other things done.

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 13:23, 2007-05-15

FashionPrincess · Hermes

That makes me sad, poor baby!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

The hard part is, she works from home AND she has the baby all day!! I don't know how she gets anything done. Then her husband comes home and doesn't help with the baby at all!!

The maid thing is a good idea. She doesn't have her mom around to help out, they live far away. I might try suggesting to her DH that he get her a "maid for the day" as a gift or something to take some of the slack off, or just give it as a gift myself. They both always complain about how much they each hate cleaning, but come on, at least make your home a sanitary environment for a child!

Suasoria · Chanel

Prices for having someone come in every other week can be very reasonable depending on the size of your house. The more often you have someone come over, the better price they give you. In So Cal you can get someone for even $40 or so per visit.

Sure, having someone once every two weeks doesn't help with the obvious stuff, but at least things like mopping, vaccumming, dusting and bathrooms and other important things would be done. Then maybe she'd have more time for the "everyday" stuff like dishes and laundry.

You get salmonella from infected chicken, right? Then it spreads if the chicken touches something it shouldn't?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

Suasoria wrote:

You get salmonella from infected chicken, right? Then it spreads if the chicken touches something it shouldn't?

chicken is the most common, but you can also get it from some fish and from live birds and turtles. Its areally strange bacteria.

erin · Chanel

hmm. maybe you shouldn't be so hard on your friend. it's gotta be tough doing all the housework/babywork and doing a day job too. plus, wasn't it salmonella in the peanut butter jars that were recalled? the food industry is so gross i'm sure there are more cases that we just don't hear about...

personally, if i were the friend, i would be really offended if someone suggested i get a maid. maybe if you instead offer to watch the baby so she can catch up around the house?

squishy · Coach

Luv2Shop wrote:
her husband NEVER helps her with anything, but that's a different story

i think it's the same story. i'd forgo the maid, and buy your friend a cattleprod for the husband. it's ridiculous that your friend is responsible for the baby and housework while maintaining a full-time job.

pinky · BCBG

erin wrote:

hmm. maybe you shouldn't be so hard on your friend. it's gotta be tough doing all the housework/babywork and doing a day job too. plus, wasn't it salmonella in the peanut butter jars that were recalled? the food industry is so gross i'm sure there are more cases that we just don't hear about...

personally, if i were the friend, i would be really offended if someone suggested i get a maid. maybe if you instead offer to watch the baby so she can catch up around the house?

ITA. Salmonella infection can occur from more than just touching a dirty counter. I can't tell you how many times I've been cooking meats and my children try to grab the bowl from me(they're very young). And as neat as I was pre-kids, these days I'm happy to have dinner on the table every night. If I have to choose bet. cleaning and family time, family time always wins. Hope this doesn't make me a slob or an unfit parent.

BellinaJessica · Kenneth Cole

Not to be rude but maybe you should try walking in her shoes before you judge so harshly. I am a neat freak, everything is spotless and in its place.... at least that was before I had children. Now my house is a disaster most of the time and I spend every evening and most of the weekend cleaning. My soon to be xDH sounds like hers and I'll tell you, trying to keep up with that is impossible. No matter how much I clean my kitchen floor, there is always food on it. No matter how much I vacuum my carpets my 15 month old is always finding some random particle from the floor to eat. No matter how dilligently I close the bathroom door and keep the bathroom clean once a week I find my 15 month old with her hand in the toilet.

Granted, I'm a single mom with a 2 1/2 year old and a 15 month old but the single mom part makes it easier. Now that my husband is no longer living with us I have less laundry and less mess and less of a pain in the ass to deal with.

Maybe see what you can do to help as a friend. Most moms are struggling and won't say anything because they feel like a bad mom for not being able to handle it all. It's quite possibly true that some of the only time she has to clean is when you are over helping with her daughter.

Don't even get me started on how little time she probably has for herself... Mom's really need more support in this world! It's the hardest job you'll ever do.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

I am not trying to be mean or say that she doesn't have it rough being a full time mom/working woman, she works very hard and does a great job taking care of that little girl. I was just saying that when you have kids you should watch out for stuff like that to protect your children. I am there, watching her baby for her already, so she can do housework, I don't mind at all, but I was just saying I wish she would wipe the old food and dishwater off the counter when she's done. One more step, and it could have kept this from happening. I just feel like it's not my place to say, "Hey, why don't you just wipe the counter down", that's all. I wasn't trying to degrade moms who don't have time to clean. I get that. I have a husband and a puppy and have a hard time finding time to clean just from that, I can't even imagine when a baby comes in to the mix. Sorry if I stepped on anyones toes.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

from the sound of the first post, it also sounds like the friend KNOWS that she's overburdened (which she obviously is is she had that much going on with no help!). I wouldn't suggest help if she saw nothinhg wrogn with the situation...

Elle · Hermes

Luv2Shop wrote:

One more step, and it could have kept this from happening.

Hmmm, did she tell you she thought it had come from that? Not that I'm against doing all the risk-prevention you can by trying to keep things clean.... it could be as simple as a slightly undercooked egg, or a morsel of stolen raw cookie dough, or mom grabbing her hand to keep her from touching a knife when she had chicken on her hands, or using a washed-but-contaminated cutting board ......

I'm with you that it's so sad to see a baby sick like that though, and know the cringy feelings that come from worrying that someone else is being careless. Maybe when you and your husband go over for dinner next time, you could pull the 'Please, sit! I'll clean up - you're so nice to have us over, just go relax for a bit!' schtick, and/or ask if she's heard about those kitchen wipes that are just so convenient and you don't know how you'd live without them now .....

Kelly · Hermes

I agree that it could even happen in the cleanest of households, and she sure sounds overburdened with everything. But my cousin's house is so disgusting, it makes me cringe. I spent two days watching her kids and basically cleaned every chance I got while they were watching TV or something, because I just wanted to feel better about being in the house and having the kids in there...even though I know it's hard for her with three kids (two of which were 2 year old twins at the time), being a single mom and working full time. And I'm a pretty messy person myself. But there were chicken bones on the bathroom floor and diapers I think were more than a few days old.

No child should have to live in filth. Hopefully your friend will get help from her husband soon! Even hiring a neighborhood teenager to watch them for a few hours so she can get some time alone and/or clean. Maybe you could say something as simple as, "wow, I can't imagine how hard it is to keep a house clean with these kids running around all day. I wouldn't be able to do it - I'd hire a babysitter/maid/light a fire under hubby's ass!"...that will get her thinking, at the very least.

cahabo · Kate Spade

I can totally understand having a messy house as mine is sometimes, but I absolutely make sure my home is sanitary and safe for my girls. I'd love it if someone offered to watch my girls so I could clean house! Not like you're obligated though.
On a side note, if you think it is truly unsafe then I would contact CPS.

theotherjess · Chanel

pinky wrote:

erin wrote:

hmm. maybe you shouldn't be so hard on your friend. it's gotta be tough doing all the housework/babywork and doing a day job too. plus, wasn't it salmonella in the peanut butter jars that were recalled? the food industry is so gross i'm sure there are more cases that we just don't hear about...

personally, if i were the friend, i would be really offended if someone suggested i get a maid. maybe if you instead offer to watch the baby so she can catch up around the house?

ITA. Salmonella infection can occur from more than just touching a dirty counter. I can't tell you how many times I've been cooking meats and my children try to grab the bowl from me(they're very young). And as neat as I was pre-kids, these days I'm happy to have dinner on the table every night. If I have to choose bet. cleaning and family time, family time always wins. Hope this doesn't make me a slob or an unfit parent.

Yeah, while I agree that she should definitely keep her house a bit cleaner, the salmonella didn't necessarily come from her sloppiness (although it could have). I had salmonella when I was a baby because of some bad baby food, not because of a dirty house.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I wouldn't say anything. I'm sure they got the 411 on Salmonella by hospital staff. If having a very sick baby doesn't change your habits, nothing will!

But come on, cleaning the kitchen doesn't take much time especially if you have a dishwasher. Instead of setting it on the counter, put it in the dishwasher. Lysol spray to wipe down counters is super quick and kills bacteria.