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lynnie


Chanel

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when you're really sad..
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hmm, might remove this later due to sensitive subject material.

Not this past friday, but the one before, my mom called me to tell me that my sister's ex bf, her first true love, the family favorite.. had hung himself.  She was sobbing on the phone.  I went home for 5 days to attend the funeral last week, and had been crying non-stop basically all of last week.  He was always a Holden Caulfield type- but he was SO cute and everyone fell in love with him after one conversation.  So talented, beautiful, smart, artistic, charming, funny..
So now, i'm back in ny and back at work. I know that a traumatic event like this doesn't just stop effecting you once you're not sobbing 6 times a day.  I just feel numb.  I find myself constantly looking at anything sad and beautiful and wishing he was here to smile at it.  I can feel myself pulling away from the boy i'm seeing (we're long distance, but even in conversation i know he's reaching out and i dont feel like reciprocating.  I just don't feel like it, no offense to him though i'm thankful he cares.)  I read some of my sister's old notes from him- so beautiful and sad- and i feel like i've never truly been loved.  It was young love, and I know better now, but now I feel that sense of loss too.  I feel terrible for my sister and his family.  I feel confused about life and the meaning of it.   I'm not blaming myself or feeling guilty, but i do wish i'd kept in better touch and was more of a big sister to him.  I am just so sad, I wish he hadn't done this.  Does anyone have any inspiration to send my way? 

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HeatherLynn


Gucci

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I wish I had some sort of amazing thing to say. I lost my best guy friend three years ago. I was the last person who talked to him. I was the one who knew where he was and had to share some terrible information regarding his death to loved ones. Three years later, I still find myself missing him and looking at beautiful, as you put it, and wishing he was here. I no longer cry all day long, but I did got through a VERY deep and dark period. I think the thing that helped me the most was the journey that I went through because of his death. Hopefully, that will be a huge growth for you too. I learned more about myself as a person and I also learned to cherish my friends more. I understand the pushing away thing. I pushed away from my boyfriend at the time and we ended up splitting up (not saying that will happen to you- for me it was the best bc I bet a fabulous guy).

My dad told me this and it helped me some- more now than then. You never forget and will always remember, but the pain does eventually lessen. At the time I thought it was cruel to think that I would one day not hurt for him as much as I did in the beginning. That day did come and I'm thankful. I appreciate life more now because of him. PM if you want to talk or I can send you my email. Its a very tough situation when anyone young dies. It is unfortunate and very hard on loved ones. I'm thinking of you and your/his family during this time.

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Kitty


Hermes

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I wish I had something great to say, but I am at a loss.. I just wanted to offer my condolences. It is hard to try to go back to regular life after something like this. I know that when I've lost people close to me, it's just made me numb for months...where I can't laugh at the normal things I laugh at, and everyhing in life just seems unbearable and meaningless.

You definitely need this grieving time..but just know it will get easier.



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Sandy


Kate Spade

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Lynnie, I'm so sorry for you, your family, and your friend's family. I really, really wish that I had some inspiring words for you, but I don't. I'm not sure that anything anyone can say will make you feel better. When I lost someone close to me last year, it was hard... it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I was numb to everything. I fell really behind in school and pulled away from my friends and my boyfriend. I'm better now, but I still miss my friend as much as I did the day I found out she was gone. You will always be sad about the loss of your beautiful friend, but you will learn to deal.

Please don't feel like you've never been loved. I'll bet any money that you have the same effect on people that your friend did: after one conversation, people fall in love with you. You just seem to have that "thing." He was blessed to have known you. Also, it's ok that you're momentarily pulling away from your boyfriend. I'm sure that if he knows what's going on, he understands.

Take this time for yourself and grieve for as long as you need to. Things will get easier eventually, and he will always live in your heart.

(If you want me to edit this later for details, just let me know.)

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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Death can be so unnatural , and hard to deal with. Especially when someone takes there own life.

It can affect us all very differntly, and if you need to be very sad and emotional in dealing with this, than that just happens to be how you cope. Thats ok. You shouldnt have to "snap out of it" or "get over it" you should just allow yourself to be sad until you start to feel better.



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Teresa


Kate Spade

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lynnie,
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing and truly wish there was something I could do. This necklace helped me immencely when a close friend of mine took her life. The teardrop symbolizes the sadness and the rose symbolizes that love never dies. I think it is beautiful and perfectly stated.

http://memorialtear.com/


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small fry


Chanel

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Iam so sorry, (((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))) Iam not sure what to say but I know time will heal your heart.We are here for you.



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blubirde


Chanel

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I also don't have anything profound or utterly significant to say. Loss is always hard. Loss at one's own hands is even more difficult. Obviously you are a sensitive and caring person. Something like this has to affect you greatly. I don't think there's any easy way to feel better. I think the hell of losing someone is that you have to keep going afterwards, knowing they're not there and that you are.

As for your boyfriend, I think you should tell him what you told us (edited, of course). Tell him that you appreciate that he cares and are grateful for him, but that you hope he understands if you need some time to adjust to this huge thing that just happened to you. I'm sure he'll understand and give you all the space/no space you need. It sounds like he cares a lot for you and wants to help make the grieving process a little easier on you.

Feel free to unload here. I think a lot of people are able to identify with what you're going through.

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twinkle


Coach

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i'm so sorry lynnie. i've been through something similar too and everything you are feeling is completely normal... and it will get better, i promise. pm me if you want to talk more. xo

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Oh, boy, I'm so sorry. What a loss. All I can say is try not to be hard on yourself about what you "should" or "shouldn't" be feeling or going through right now, or judge yourself for how you're grieving/processing this loss. Whatever feels right to you is right.

What HeatherLynn said is similar to what a psychotherapist pal told me once - it never hurts any less: it just hurts less frequently over time. I definitely found that to be true...and I still allow myself have a really good cry whenever I need to sometimes!



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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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lynnie, what a terrible and tragic thing to happen. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Lynnie, I am so extremely sorry for your loss. Please know that the way you're feeling is completely normal. Someday you will be able to absorb the pain from this and continue with your life. You may be a different person inside because of it, but you will be able to go on and remember him.

My uncle killed himself about 20 years ago, and while I was very young I still remember vividly how it felt and how it affected my parents (he was my mom's brother). I am just so sorry for your family and this boy's family.

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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I'm so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.
Your reaction is normal, dont worry about how you are dealing with it right now and allow yourself all the time you need to heal.


-- Edited by cat at 20:03, 2007-05-13

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