STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

emery · BCBG

Moving in- too soon?

Kelly · Hermes

It sounds too early to me, especially considering that you just got out of a long relationship when you met him. With seperate bedrooms, though, you may have the space you need (although the thing I'm looking forward to when moving in with someone is snuggling in the same bed every night!)

cahabo · Kate Spade

Does seem rather early, but if you do decide to move in together, definitely have a separate bedroom and don't sign a lengthy lease (just in case...).

dangergirl · Kate Spade

it sounds a bit early to me. even if you had separate bedrooms, it would probably be really awkward if you split up

Mandy · Kate Spade

It seems like you are moving in with him because its convenient and not because you really want to and are ready to live with him. I would only move in together if you are ready to take that step together, not because its easier. If you do it out of convenience, and things don't work out, you may feel trapped in an uncomfortable living arrangement.

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I agree with Mandy. It doesn't sound like you are moving in together for the right reasons. It is more a matter of convenience than I really want to live with him. Especially, if you are already thinking about what if we break up. At most you guys have been together a little over 2mths. In my opinion, so take that for what it is worth, it isn't enough time to really know someone. I wouldn't want to move in with someone while we were still in the 'honeymoon' phase. Everything is perfect then. It takes awhile for true colors to come out.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

member · Hermes

Definitely sounds too early to me. You've only known this guy a couple of months, which means you don't really know him at all. Moving in together is a big committment and if you guys didn't work out, it could be incredibly uncomfortable and then you'd be locked into a lease. I personally wouldn't do it.

Kitty · Hermes

What worries me more isn't the timing, but the fact that it seems like you're moving in for reasons of convenience. I think you should wait a bit and at least think on it some.

blubirde · Chanel

Kitty wrote:

What worries me more isn't the timing, but the fact that it seems like you're moving in for reasons of convenience. I think you should wait a bit and at least think on it some.

Agreed. I used to have a really great book rec on this subject but I let a friend borrow it and I haven't seen it since. (I can't remember the name either.) But the book's main point was to look at your motivations. If the reason you keep saying is "saves money," etc., don't do it. It's the wrong reason to move in with someone.

My bf and I talked about this after we'd been dating for about 6 months. We decided that if it was meant to be, we'd have the rest of our lives to live together. As it was, we were both satisfied living alone. And money isn't a reason to move in with someone (at least not someone other than a roommate).

Yeah, it's exciting and all that stuff, but it will be exciting a year from now as well. And at least then you'll know for sure. Best wait to be sure.

NCshopper · Hermes

Mandy wrote:

It seems like you are moving in with him because its convenient and not because you really want to and are ready to live with him. I would only move in together if you are ready to take that step together, not because its easier. If you do it out of convenience, and things don't work out, you may feel trapped in an uncomfortable living arrangement.

I totally agree. Living with someone you're romantically involved with is a LOT different than having a roommate. Because that's both your home, you don't have any option other than to deal together with problems that come your way and because of that your relationship should be really strong before you take that step. It's more than a matter of convenience--you should move in together only if a) you both want to, and b) you're both serious about this relationship and c) you think there's a very good chance that you guys have a strong future together. Anything less and it'll be a tough ride.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I agree, it sounds as if this is too early and you're doing it for reasons of convenience. That is not the way to go into sharing your home with your boyfriend. My fiance and I moved in together in December, and even though we spend almost every night together before then anyway, it is still more serious when you officially live together. When you get on each other's nerves, and you will -- I don't care how good a relationship is, you will get on each others nerves at some point -- you will be stuck sharing the apartment with this person.

If you are meant to be then you have all the time in the world to live together. And believe me, you should enjoy this honeymoon phase -- living together is great, but you don't need to rush into sharing a bathroom, seeing his dirty boxers on the floor, and arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes yet!

kittenheels · Coach

I think if you both would be ok just being roommates if things don't work out - then it is fine. If it would be too difficult, you might be better off living apart for a little bit more time.

I have friends who moved in pretty early on in their relationship who are now married - so I think it definitely can be the right move, but it could be difficult if you can't afford to move out if you want to.

Good luck!

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Since you have only been out of your last 3 year relationship for 2 months, IMO it is way to fast for you to be moving into another relationship that would result in living with your new boyfriend.

Dont take this the wrong way - but the honest question to ask yourself would be "Are you replacing your last relationship with this brand new one because you are afraid of being alone ?"

Drew · Gucci

I agree 100% with kittenheels.

I was in this situation as a young woman and moved in with my BF for convenience. I broke up with him less than three months after moving into our place with a one year lease. We ended up getting back together because even that became more convenient than trying to figure out how to get out of the lease. But, I couldn't stand him and broke up with him again after a few more months and had to endure him "trying to win me back" (in his own words) for the rest of the lease, while we lived as roomates. Because of the situation I couldn't date anyone else until our lease was over and we finally moved out. Moving out was one of the happiest days of my life as I felt so free after feeling trapped for most of that year.

I guess it's no worse than a really bad roomate situation, but I would not have done it again.