STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

How to gracefully decline a wedding invite

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I don't think that you need to give her an excuse, but if she asks say that you forgot that you had made previous plans (come up with something) on that date, but you appreciated the invite.

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with HeatherLynn. I'd just say that you forgot you have other plans (think of something really good, like your grandmother's 80th birthday that you just have to be there for) and that you appreciate the invitation. If you aren't that close and the reception is an expensive one, I'm sure she won't be too bummed about it or ask too many questions. (It's possible that she invited you in large part because you know about the wedding and she wanted to be polite.) It's very considerate of you to give her a small gift, by the way.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Don't explain. Whatever excuse you come up with, the underlying message is, 'Something else is more important to me." Just say you wish you could attend. You know it will be gorgeous. And your gift is in the mail. (It's tacky to bring gifts TO a wedding anyway). Oh, and vague reference to previous plans is perfect, because then it's clear that you didn't choose another event over hers. Either way, I think she won't really mind that you can't come.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 16:23, 2007-03-27

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

was there a formal invitation with a RSVP option? I would expect that someone having such an expensive wedding receptionwould want a headcount...

dangergirl · Kate Spade

i agree with what everyone else has said about previous plans etc :)

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

I agree, decline and tell her you had previous plans. I invited my co-workers to my wedding out of courtesy but none of them went because 1) I had only been working there a few months and 2) Like you said, we weren't close outside of work. They all said they had "other plans" and I wasnt offended at all, I was actually surprised they all brought me gifts the week of....so sweet.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I've never heard of a guest paying money to attend a wedding reception! If you can't afford to feed all your guests, perhaps you should have a less glamourous wedding. You wouldn't want friends or family to not attend your special day because they couldn't afford you!

Well anyways your not friends so it seems she only wants something from you, so I'd say thanks but no thanks, congrats. No gift!

littlebean · Kate Spade

I would decline politely with "other plans" as the girls have mentioned. I definitely think you're right to get a small gift, since according to our dear Emily Post, "If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not."

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Its kind of weird - I'm not sure if its a Long Island thing or what but it seems like all the weddings I hear about, its all about price and how much the plate costs and how much profit people are making on top of the cost of the wedding. You don't always know what the plate is costing, but I would say its standard etiquette to give no less than $100 a person if attending a wedding.

Personally, I don't agree with it, but whatever. We are friends, but not that close. I do feel awkward declining, but I'll just come up with something good. Thanks for the help..

Cortney1982 · Chanel

littlebean wrote:
I definitely think you're right to get a small gift, since according to our dear Emily Post, "If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not."

Even to people who are just out for gifts? Am I the only one who's never heard of paying to go to a wedding? That's just weird to me.

Kelly · Hermes

Cortney1982 wrote:

littlebean wrote: I definitely think you're right to get a small gift, since according to our dear Emily Post, "If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not."Even to people who are just out for gifts? Am I the only one who's never heard of paying to go to a wedding? That's just weird to me.

If I invited parents and they wanted to bring a bunch of their kids, I'd be mad too, though. $140 is a lot to spend on a kid who would probably be just as happy with cheerios - and that's why a lot of people only invite adults. It's expensive to have that many more people! I'm sure she said that out of exasperation - if I only invited a couple to a wedding and then they insist that I spend hundreds of dollars feeding their children, I'd be mad too. I'm not rich and when I get married my guests will probably be lucky if I can round up spaghetti to feed them all. Then again, if you have a $140 plate cost, you're probably not dirt poor. Still, I understand where she's coming from and sounds like she just needed to vent.