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jacks435


Kenneth Cole

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torn... need advice (long)
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Ever since I graduated college, I've talked on and off about moving to NYC.  But it was never the right time -- when I graduated, I was totally broke, so I lived with my parents for a year to save money.  Then I got a great job in my city (where I live now), got an apartment, started making friends, and developed a life here.  I love it here, but sometimes I think, "Is this it?  Will I be here forever?"  I've always had dreams of living in all kinds of different places, but without the push of going away to school or a forced job transfer, I keep just... staying here.  I started to wonder if maybe I don't want to move after all, since I have everything here -- wonderful friends, good job, family nearby, fun city, etc.

But then I noticed that a great job within my company has opened up in NYC.  I'm completely qualified, and I think I'd have a good shot of getting it.  And now I'm too anxious and worried about the outcome to even apply!  Just the thought of applying makes me shiver.  I can't tell if it's because the opportunity is finally here and it's exciting, or maybe I don't want this anymore and I just feel like I have to take a risk because I don't take enough risks.  My family is all right around here, and no one in my family has ever left the area, so there is some pressure to stick around because it's just the way things have always been. Sometimes I think if I don't do this now, I might never do it, and would I always wonder "what if?"  But at the same time, why do I feel this weird calling to shake up a perfectly good life for whole lot of uncertainty and stress?  

Plus, sometimes I think I look at living in NYC as this cure for other problems in my life, like I have this (false) vision of life there being perfect, as if as soon as I'd go there, everything would fall into place.  I know this is bad, so that's another reason I'm hesitant to make such a big change. 

I should add that I also have three great friends from high school/college in NYC, so if I were to move there, I wouldn't be starting my social life from scratch.  And I know the city pretty well, because I visit them often.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?  Any advice/suggestions?



-- Edited by jacks435 at 21:23, 2007-03-12

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lynnie


Chanel

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how far away do you currently live from nyc? 

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jacks435


Kenneth Cole

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I live in Chicago now.

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lynnie


Chanel

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Are you happy where you are, or does everything just sound good on paper?  I am all for change while you are young- but only if you are starting to become bored and want to experience new things.  It's not a bad thing to stay somewhere where you are truly happy. 
However, does this new job offer you a raise/promotion?

I live in NYC, and while it was a great move for me, it def. didn't solve life's problems. 

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boobaby


Kate Spade

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Yes. I went to college an hour from my hometown. I saw many people just stagnant and talking about moving to (insert big city here) without ever doing it. I have to add that many people seemed to get stuck in a rut - never maturing past the college mentality - service industry jobs, drinking, drugs, lame love triangles and pointless drama. (I'm not saying this is your situation. I lived in a very boring, dead end kind of small town that was in no way fun or interesting).

I knew if I stayed, I could become that type of person. *shudders*

So I just moved without thinking too much about it. It was the wrong move, though. I tried to make it work for a couple of years but one day my dad told me that life passes by so quickly so why be miserable?. It struck a nerve and two weeks later I was here without a job and not really any friends. That was seven years ago and I've never regretted any of it! So my whole point is just try. Life is short. Take a risk. You can always go back to your hometown. You always have friends and family to fall back on.

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jacks435


Kenneth Cole

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Lynnie, I think that's what makes it so hard -- I AM happy here.  i absolutely love it. Sometimes I feel a little bored because the city isn't as new and exciting as it once was, but I know I would miss it if I left.  In the back of my mind, I always wonder if I'm missing out on other experiences because I'm not forcing myself to live in other places.  I don't know why I feel like this.  It'd almost be easier if I were miserable, because then I'd have nowhere to go but up!  The NYC job would be a substantial promotion/raise, but there's also the chance that a similar job would open up here in town with the same company.

Boobaby, thanks for your insight.  You're right -- I can always come back if things don't work out. 

Do you guys think 26 is too old to totally pick up and move to a new place?  Obviously, people do it all the time, but it seems like it's more common when everyone's right out of college.  I wonder if it would be hard to make friends, since people tend to have their own routines the older they get...

Sorry, I'm just thinking "out loud" here!

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boobaby


Kate Spade

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jacks435 wrote:


Do you guys think 26 is too old to totally pick up and move to a new place?

No. You are still young. I don't think any age is too old to move or make a change.  Making friends is def. not as easy as it was in college, but seeing that you know people there, you will meet people from them, at work, walking the dog (sorry, I have a dog), etc.



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blink


Coach

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Try it!  You may not have the same freedom to make such a choice until menopause, that's a dramatic joke, but I am married with two children so I have a different perspective from which to give advice.  You just never know what life is going to bring you, so right now is the optimal time to break the mold.  If it doesn't work out for you, you always have a great home to go back to, which is so fortunate!  Good luck!



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luckylily


Gucci

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Wow! I think it sounds like a great opportunity. You are never too old to make a move like that, especially not at just 26. You can always come back to Chicago in a few years if NYC isn't everything it's cracked up to be for you.

Either way, you should apply for the position. That doesn't really require you to make a final commitment to move.

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kittenheels


Coach

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That sounds like a wonderful opportunity!  It sounds like you already have a good support network of friends in NYC and the potential for a good job.  I'd be inclined to go for the adventure.  Let us know what you decide!

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jacks435


Kenneth Cole

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Thanks to everyone for offering advice!  I'm going to apply and worry about next steps one at a time (I tend to start worrying about everything prematurely).  I'll keep you posted on what happens.

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