STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

this has never happened to me before... sorry, kind of long.

blubirde · Chanel

I don't know how to make you feel better, but I do know that it happens to everyone. Everyone has their ups and downs, no matter how "normal" they usually are.

And besides, maybe you're right. Maybe your classes are boring and annoying (but maybe next semester will be better?), maybe your job won't pay very much after graduation (do they ever?), and maybe your boyfriend isn't the guy for you (or maybe he is). My point is that it hardly matters if all your worries are on point or not - it's the act of worrying that's hard. (Worrying about all of these things would drive me into a funk as well.)

Maybe you should pick and choose what to be concerned about. For instance, your classes. You can't help those, at least not for the rest of the semester, so perhaps think of them as tedious things to do and put them behind you - as far as something to think about. Your job. If you're definitely going to work there after graduation, there's really nothing to think/worry about until you actually start working there. If there are other options out there for you, take advantage of career services and hit the ground running. Maybe seeing other options will perk you up.

As for the boyfriend, only the two of you know what's best to do there. You could always take a "break" to see what you really want, if you think it would help.

Good luck and I hope you feel better. We've all been there.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Well sephorablue, your not alone. Everyone goes through these moments in our life. Its totally normal.

I would suggest maybe a change a pace, to get your life back on track. Maybe take up a new hobby or meet some new people. Join a dance class, or meet new poeple at the gym. Maybe go on a trip with some girlfriends to refresh yourself. Try to break out of your normal mode.

As for the BF and school, dont make any rash decisions when you are feeling in a slump. Try to jumpstart your life by branching out with new people or hobbies, then when you feel like yourself again make an informed decision on what to do about the other stuff.

Sometimes when I get to feeling this way I want to make some kind of HUGE change, because I think that will pop me out of what I am feeling. The truth is , it usually is such a emotional change that it isnt always the best choice in the long term. Thats why I suggest introducing little changes that can help you to get back to feeling like yourself.

Hope you feel better soon!!

subwolley · Kate Spade

I hear what you are saying, because I’ve been in and out of the exact same slump the last few weeks…heck, on and off for a year even! However, I am more on the optimistic side, because I know change will come soon. You have to look at the big picture. Don’t focus so much on how “right now” sucks. Think of the point you want to get to, how you want to be, and focus on that.

School is temporary. I hate my classes as well. I think they all suck, I think the people and the teachers are totally stupid. I don’t care about them, and because I love points of my life when I’m not in class, I focus on that to get through class. Even though it’s hard, I realize that school is temporary, will be over soon (in May I graduate), and realize how happy I will be when it’s behind me. And trust me; I know how hard it is to drag yourself to class, especially now when the weather is turning so nice.

As for work, I’m also in the same situation. I just ask myself, “What do I see myself doing? What are my career goals?” I realize that the only thing I can focus on now is taking the steps I need to at my current job before I can think about leaving. Maybe talk with your boss, explain your situation and goals and see if your job will be able to accompany them.

As for your relationship, again I’m totally there with you. I have a similar situation. If you are REALLY unhappy in your relationship, which I don’t get the impression that you are, you would know. I feel that you are just in a slump and it’s affecting your mood on everything in life. The same thing happens to me. I might start blaming my bf for our problems. But really I should look at myself here and appreciate what I got. This could work for you as well. If it doesn’t, communication with the bf is the only solution to the problem.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Don’t worry too much. Unfortantley we all want instant gratification, but alas life doesn't work that way. As the saying goes, this too shall pass. Look at the big picture, focus on the good in your life, do something new to break the rut, and you should hopefully start feeling better soon.

-- Edited by subwolley at 18:52, 2007-03-12

-- Edited by subwolley at 18:55, 2007-03-12

lynnie · Chanel

oh gosh, i'm in this slump a lot. Do you think your boyfriend feels similarly? Could he be the right guy but you've just lost the spark? What about taking a break? I am the type that prefers to be alone than with the wrong guy, so take that for what its worth.
Classes- i've never been into my classes. It's not how i learn- i have no idea how i even got through 16 years of that. and i'm not sure i'll ever be 100% invested in my job til i'm working for myself. I know thats not really inspirational for most people, but it keeps me hopeful.
What are you passionate about? What kind of goals would you set for yourself if you could do anything? What do you want to contribute to the world? I love nature and traveling. i went to montauk yesterday with a few friends and i'm still on a high from it- and i've been in a funk for a while. We went early on Sunday and went seal watching and then hiked down this bluff and didn't see a single other person on the beach. it was fabulous- we played with rocks and driftwood, cleaned any trash we saw, and all laid out for a while. maybe you should spend more time leaving the city? i go crazy in nyc sometimes- it starts to feel like a giant race where no one ever wins. I need to get away to put things in perspective. Spring will be here soon!

jacks435 · Kenneth Cole

Everyone's advice is great. I've been in a similar situation -- feeling listless, like I'm just going through the motions, wondering what's the point of all this, and the only way I get through it is by thinking, "It's not always going to feel this way." Because no matter what, things shift and change, and most likely, they'll improve and you'll feel better. You won't feel like this forever.

Until then, just focus on one thing that you know will make you happy and feel worthwhile. Sometimes stepping outside of the routine, whether it's taking a class, volunteering somewhere new, going away for the weekend, journaling more often, or just spending an entire day by yourself, can give you a new sense of perspective and help you realize that there are great things in your future -- things worth looking forward to.

Re: your comment about wondering how people ever get married/make relationships work -- I've voiced the exact same opinion to some of my friends. It feels depressing sometimes when you think about all the things that have to be right. You could meet someone and have the most awesome chemistry, but he might not want kids and you do. Or you could connect intellectually, but maybe he wants to get married and you're not sure you do... etc. Sometimes I wish I were fifteen again, before we had to worry about all this adult stuff! Anyway, I have no advice about that, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone in those thoughts. I hope you feel better soon.

NCshopper · Hermes

I've definitely gone through those periods, usually around winter time. I don't know that I have any great advice to give other than you should know that it will get better. Varying your routine or taking up something you've always been interested but haven't ever gotten around to doing would probably help. Getting out of the apartment for a bit or taking a long weekend could work wonders too. I would warn against making any big relationship decisions right now unless you think that's the root of the problem. My hunch is that there's a root problem there somewhere, as that's been my experience (a real craptastic job in my case), and that's influencing the way you feel about everything else at the moment.

Hang in there though. We all go through it and it kinda sucks, but if you do some soul-searching and figure out what's bugging you or how you can proactively change what's making you unhappy, you'll feel much better.

cc · Marc Jacobs

I go through phases like this too. It sucks. Usually I just come out of them naturally or one nice thing will happen and I'll suddenly have a positive perspective again.

I hope the nice weather is cheering you up a bit!
Maybe we need to have another NYC get-together soon!

kittenheels · Coach

It happens to me periodically. It just seems like the color drains out of the world - or like champagne without bubbles. With me, it tends to be a sign that some part of my life is out of balance. It can be that I'm working too much, that I'm not seeing my friends enough, or that DH and I need to stop watching so much TV.

I find that letting myself think about what's going on - and just contemplating it for a few days/a week tends to get me to a place when I'm able to make the adjustment to get back to myself.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress coming at you from all different angles. I agree with the previous posts to give yourself time to focus on what's really wrong. It might be that some of the other stressors are just reflecting negative energy from the root problem? In the meantime, treat yourself a little - like making your favorite meal or taking a bubble bath.

Or, you should take a little trip to LA to visit! You have spring break, yes? Feel better soon!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I've felt like this before too. And with all those things on your plate, it's completely understandable that you'd be feeling this way. That's a lot of big stuff to be thinking about all at once. I've found it helps to try to deal with one thing at a time, and not all at once -- easier said than done sometimes, I know, but it helps if you can do it. You don't have to decide about your relationship right now, for example, and when you already feel stressed out by these other things your viewpoint might be more negative than it normally is. Is this something you've felt about him for a long time, or is it a recent thing?

And I could be totally wrong here so please take this for what it's worth or totally disregard it, but do you think you might be a little depressed? My boyfriend has been going through some depression lately so I'm probably overly-attuned to symptoms, but if you've been feeling like this for weeks and not getting any better, maybe it would help to go talk to someone. Have you talked to your boyfriend about these feelings in general? Not necessarily about the relationship, but your feeling about life being flat right now.

I like CC's idea about another NYC get-together. Maybe you need a fun night out, and the weather is definitely nicer now...

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.