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Post Info TOPIC: Hoping for Advice- Thanks!
FeelingSad


Nine West

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Hoping for Advice- Thanks!
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****Yet another miracle worked by the amazing Stylethreaders***********
           

                  See below for thank you note!


-- Edited by FeelingSad at 18:48, 2007-03-07

-- Edited by FeelingSad at 18:50, 2007-03-07

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
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RE: Hoping for Advice
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I think there's something wrong. I think, based on my own experience when I have done things that just didn't really make sense and could be considered "risky" that you want something you're not getting. And instead of getting it, you're acting out. Probably whatever you really want seems impossible. And probably the way you've chosen to act out pays back either the people you think are holding you back, or someone who reminds you of the people you think held you back (ie - getting back at the boyfriend for either his behavior toward you, or the way he reminds you of a parent or other who hurt you a while ago, or the wife in the situation is just like your sister who was always soooo perfect).

Everyone messes up. Everyone decides, "This would be a bad idea for someone else, but my situation is DIFFERENT." Everyone hurts loved ones or tries to pay back enemies or just tries to do something that will distract from things that hurt too much to think about. It happens. But when it happens, it's time to think about why. And it's time to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. Getting drunk and making out with someone you shouldn't isn't great, but it happens. Choosing to exchange emails after the fact is something else again. Rationalizing it all with, "I'm quite sure I've had a crush on him..." doesn't change anything. Stop it. Now.

PS - a good place to start with all this might be to think about why you titled your post "sad..." but the post only mentions being excited. Just be honest with yourself. Because that discrepancy is the key to what hurt you and what you get out of acting out...

-- Edited by Dizzy at 12:09, 2007-03-07

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FeelingSad


Nine West

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Posts: 3
Date:
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Thanks Dizzy. I think you saved me. I sent you a PM.

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
Date:
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Nah, you saved you by pausing long enough to think about it. Got your pm and good luck with everything hon!

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2030
Date:
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Well that sounds like a tough situation.

You cant erase what happened , but you can control how you react to what happened and how to move forward from it.

I would first of all be honest. It might be really hard, but it will be worse if you keep this secret from your BF, and then he finds out. Tell him you made a poor decision, and you regret hurting him.

As for the married man ... Ok , so you are ovibously in "lust" with this guy. That being said, he is married, and I would stop any communication with him to prevent this kind of slip up again. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. If you were married and your DH did this with another women, it would be awful. Dont let that continued lust , control you or let you continue to hurt other people.

As Dizzy said, it sounds like part of this may be a result of you feeling like your are lacking somehting in your current relationship. So maybe really dwell on that for a bit, then talk to your BF so that you are both on the same page. Maybe you are ready to move on from your BF and this was just a way of you giving yourself an out.

No one is perfect, and everyone messes up in life. However you can control how to fix this and move forward. Just because you made a mistake does not mean your life no needs to be controlled by that mistake.

let us know what happens...

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xoxo gossip girl!
blubirde


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
Date:
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I'm not sure I would tell... is there any chance your bf would find out? If not, I'd keep it to yourself and let that be that.

Bottom line: the guy is married and you are not that girl. You are not the girl who has affairs with married men. With that option gone, do you still want to be with your bf? If so, try as hard as you can to put it past you. Try to avoid contact with the married guy as much as possible. Spend some time with your bf, trying to reconnect and try to make him the object of your affection. If you don't want to be with your bf, and this is just your way of showing yourself that, you have to be honest with him and yourself.

It sucks that this happened and it certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Just try and put it past you and move on, as best as you can.



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FeelingSad


Nine West

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Posts: 3
Date:
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Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you. Understandably there is nobody in my real life I can talk to, and you have helped me when I thought I may lose my mind.  I don't "know" any of you but I will never forget how you offered your honest advice and made all the difference for me. I am taking your advice and I am going to wait and hope everything comes out right.

bluebirde, you are so right. I am not that girl. Having you say that shocked me into reality.

AlliGurl, I do think of his wife whom I have always liked very much. I feel kind of sad really that I probably won't get to see much of her anymore. Strange isn't it?

Dizzy, yep, I did for once fleeting moment think, this situation is not like other situations. It is different.  I can't  believe I let myself fall for that! It is in fact the same as every other situation of this nature. It can go from bad to worse or I can make it better starting now.

Thanks again. You really have no idea what you have done for me.

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