STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

RE: so I'm a dating failure

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I agree with the ladies above, this is definately in your benefit to find out what kind of man he is now, bc it seems like sooner or later this would have come out.

Maybe he is really sensitive, and so afraid to be hurt, or maybe he really fell for you.. You went out with your girlfriend and he stayed up to talk to you... thats a lot of effort considering you haven't even met. I think he was making more of a deal out of it than he should have.. on top of that, he seems jealous, insecure and waaaay too sensitive. A normal guy would be proud to have a girl that gets hit on, of course they don't like it but its an ego boost when you have something that everyone wants!

I think your bff might have a point though that you MIGHT want to alter yourself a little, if there are personality traits that might rub the wrong way but I wouldn't go changing, or censoring yourself bc its only going to lead to a ticking time bomb, it will blow up eventually.

minkiki · BCBG

My apologies Metric, I so rarely look at anything but the fashion and shopping threads I hope I'm not butting in. IMO, you did nothing wrong...you were just having a conversation right? No biggee! It'd be really strange if you weren't hit on I would think!

What I was wondering is if the shoe had been on the other foot here, I mean if any of us had asked a guy the same question just to feel him out and he had given your reply, what would we have thought of him? Would we have nixed the date or is it ok/different when a guy admits that women always hit on him at XYZ bar? Would we be considered jealous types if we canceled him or just being smart? Maybe I'm wondering if it's different for a guy....I'm going to ask my H (the former Olympic dater) what he thinks b/c when he gets back but I'm curious what you guys think.

Kelly · Hermes

I think you already know this - there is no reason to morph your personality! Obviously, when we all first meet someone we are on our best behavior. I try not to let new people get to know my bad personal habits, just like I dress up for a date instead of walking around with hairy legs and greasy hair. Sure, I can look like that sometimes - but no one sees that except my good friends and BF anyway. A first date never does.

But censoring yourself and changing your personality are two different things. My main goal in life is NOT to date assholes or men with attachment issues. If it were, maybe I'd play along and be whatever they wanted to be. But since my main goal is to find someone who I like, and who will like me, and who is nice and mature and adult...I see no need to pretend to be someone I'm not. I don't think you were wrong to answer his question the way you did, and you were obviously wrong for each other. Instead of being out with Mr. So-so this weekend, you can go out and spend the night meeting Mr. Fantastic instead. How is that bad?

minkiki wrote:

What I was wondering is if the shoe had been on the other foot here, I mean if any of us had asked a guy the same question just to feel him out and he had given your reply, what would we have thought of him? Would we have nixed the date or is it ok/different when a guy admits that women always hit on him at XYZ bar? Would we be considered jealous types if we canceled him or just being smart? Maybe I'm wondering if it's different for a guy....I'm going to ask my H (the former Olympic dater) what he thinks b/c when he gets back but I'm curious what you guys think.

If I asked a guy whether or not he got hit on, and he answered the way Metric did, I wouldn't break it off with him. I wouldn't like it if he went on and on about how all these beautiful women were all over him, but if he just answered my question succinctly and moved on, it wouldn't be a big deal at all. Of course, I'd never ask him that - I can assume that my BF gets hit on when he goes out, but I don't know that I've ever asked him that. It's because I don't like to think about girls hitting on him. It doesn't throw me for a loop, though, because it happens and it's life!