STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Myspace boy update.....

Kelly · Hermes

I think you do have a right to be mad, although even when I'm mad at guys in the very very beginning, I keep my trap shut and just hope it doesn't happen again.

But you made plans, and he didn't follow through! It'd be like planning a first date and then him not showing up. I'm not trying to say he's an awful person or anything, because I get that these things happen. But I just wanted to say that I don't think you needed to apologize for anything. I would feel like I was the bigger person just by not becoming visibly angry.

But I am sorry you didn't get to see him. How far away does he live? Hopefully you'll be able to meet up soon!

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Yeah, I need to keep my mouth shut right now. I must appear unaffected and chill. I didn't mention being disappointed again today when I texted him; I just acted normal.
When he called me, he was saying something about his friend who was interested in a girl, or something. Something about being there for his friend maybe....who knows.
He lives 40-ish miles away, so not too far. But it still costs me gas money to get there, meaning I'm not down there that much. I told him that last night too (damn drunk venting!).

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Ok, I could be wrong, but every instinct in my body is going, "No. No. No. No. No.... do NOT give this guy a chance." I think the thing that did it for me was that you felt you had to apologize for being "weird" in expecting him to do what he said he would do. (Like Ttara said). And he couldn't leave because his friend was interested in a girl? That says player. As does his making un-firm plans, which is kind of the hallmark of a guy who likes to have a lot of options for a night out.
And he said he was "disappointed too?" That HE couldn't do what HE said? I know guys try to keep things really casual at the start and girls are conditioned to think that asking for anything is just TOO much. But the friends I have who wound up in serious relationships, did not get there by putting up with a bunch of crap until the guy accidentally ended up in a decent relationship. That's how you start the on-again-off-again things that I specialize in. Honestly, the best relationship I know of right now, the guy did something SLIGHTLY inconsiderate at the start, and she called him on it RIGHT THERE. In public. And walked out. If that's too "high maintenance" for a guy, he was never going to have much to offer anyway.
So I say, stop taking his calls. Stop answering his texts. Not to play a game and pretend you're "chill." But to treat him the same way you would treat someone who you thought was goign to be a friend, but who blew you off. I had a girl who kept scheduling coffee with me, and not showing up. I liked her a lot. We had a lot to talk about when we saw eachother. But when she asked again, I said, "You keep scheduling and not showing up. You seem too busy. That's ok." And we stayed on good terms, but I never pretended we were goign anywhere more than that. I had another friend who sort of blew me off. I did about the same thing. And she worked her way back in and now we're great friends. I think guys are more like friends than we think. And a new friend who did what he did wouldn't be someone you'd be making time for right now, right?

-- Edited by Dizzy at 15:22, 2007-01-28

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

I know, part of me is going "So you claim you really want to see me, and on the rare occasion that I'm actually in your city, your plans change from hanging out with me to you can't leave your friend???". I'm not 100% surewhat exactly the reason was that he gave me for not being able to leave, but that's because I was drunk too.
The only thing I'm thinking right now is that he's only known me for like, a week and a half, and he's known his friends obviously longer than that. I have a tendency to get mentally involved very fast and I need to be a little more relaxed with things.
I sort of, somewhat called him on it; I did tell him that he'd known for several days that I was going to be in the city and that's why i wasn't happy. I also mentioned that I'm not in the city that much because it costs me money to drive there and that I had been really looking forward to seeing him. And that I was now disappointed it didn't happen.
I hate hate hate that I'm so focused on him too, because I have monster trust issues with people, especially guys. I'm usually fairly good at distancing myself, but I'm slipping on this one.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I have to say that I agree with Dizzy.

It also kind of worries me that he wanted you to go away from your friends to meet him someplace else. Could be for purely innocent reasons, but do you really know? I would definately want a friend to be around when I met him....

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

ILoveChoo wrote:
I have to say that I agree with Dizzy.

It also kind of worries me that he wanted you to go away from your friends to meet him someplace else. Could be for purely innocent reasons, but do you really know? I would definately want a friend to be around when I met him....

Oh definitely. I want our first IRL meeting to be in public, while I'm already out with friends. I need to resist the urge to text him. Let him make the next move, not me........I do need to relax though. I've only talked to him online and on the phone, and have never met him IRL. No need for me to be a paranoid freak. I need to go on with my life as it was before I met him and not obsess. If he texts/calls, I'm totally cool with it obviously, but I don't want to invest a bunch of mental energy into this or I'll go insane.

Thank you ladies!

NCshopper · Hermes

This guy has "sketchball" written all over him. Sorry for being blunt, but he does. I agree with what Dizzy said, but I also have a few other thoughts that send up red flags.

First of all, he finds you on myspace. So basically he was looking for a cute girl who lives near him to hook up with. Do you have any mutual friends? How do you know this guy is who he says he is and isn't some total weirdo?

My second problem is that when you said you were leaving, his response was "No, don't leave." WTF? Did he really expect you to not go home with your friends? That just seems like a really odd response from someone that you've never met.

The other thing is that you say you feel like you have an oddly strong connection with him. That's easy for a guy to fake, especially on myspace where he can read your bulletins, figure out what you're into and then play off of that. I'm just concerned that he's luring you into a false sense of security.

Please be careful with this guy. I think he's bad news.

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

No worries on being careful; I plan on it. I want this to be fun, but safe at the same time. That's why whenever I meet him, I want it to be while I'm out with friends.
I actually don't get sketchball vibes from him; I know that's hard to determine based on never having met him, but I get plenty of Myspace messages from guys that DO give that vibe off, so I don't respond. As far as him finding me on Myspace, I'm sure he thought I was hot or whatever and that was his initial reason to contact me, but seeing as how I only work, lounge at home, and go out only one night a week, Myspace is sort of internet dating to me. Otherwise, I'm not going to meet anyone

No mutual friends or anything, but so far what he's told me is true (I've done some Googling). He's also done random things like texting me just to tell me good morning and asking how my day is going, which I find nice. The connection thing is just that from talking, I feel like I've known him for awhile. Can't explain it, but during any of our conversations, he seems genuinely interested in what I'm saying.
The "No, don't leave" thing is probably because he does want to see me and didn't want me to leave until he could see me. Hopefully realized he blew his chance that night by not showing up at the bar I was at, like he originally said!
I promise to be careful....I'm pretty closed off and cautious about everyone though, so it's not a problem doing it.
Thanks again for the concern and thoughts!

blubirde · Chanel

I agree with Dizzy, to a degree. My bf and I met online and the first time we tried to meet up together (in a similar situation), we ended up not meeting and chilling for a bit. It was a similar situation to yours in that we were at different bars and he wasn't willing/couldn't come to me and vice versa. So we didn't meet. We didn't talk again after that (or more appropriate, I didn't talk to him) for a couple of months. We ended up meeting out randomly one night - not planned - and a year and a half later, we're still dating.

My bf ticked me off that first night when we were supposed to meet so I stopped communicating with him, mainly because I don't appreciate waiting for someone to show up. I don't know if he knew he screwed up or not, but if we hadn't randomly met elsewhere, we never would have met, because, to me, not showing up is uncool. But we did, etc., etc., etc.

So be wary of him but maybe if he's willing to come to you next time, it might be worth your while to give him a chance.

Oh and the boy and I lived in the same city, so it wasn't quite as big a let down to miss meeting each other as I'd imagine it would be in your situation.

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Bluebirde: That's kind of funny you and your current BF started out the same way that my situation went down on Saturday! It was a let down for me.....I mean, 45 miles isn't *that* far, but it's far enough.

I'll just be cautious and let him make the next move, if that's what he's wanting to do. If not, guess he's not the guy for me!