STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

squishy · Coach

does anyone else feel like this?

NCshopper · Hermes

*raises hand* I do! I feel the exact same way.

It's been over 3 years since I graduated college (gulp!) and I have still yet to make friends really. I like to blame a variety of factors: the city I live in, the place of work, etc; but the real problem has been my complete laziness. I haven't kept up with my college friends as much as I would have liked and now I find that I feel really awkward calling them up when I haven't talked to them in so long.

At least for me, my job situation the past year or so has been nothing short of a nightmare which has led to what I think is situation depression. So, that certainly doesn't help things either.

I'll also blame it partially on the time of year. When it's warm out, I find that I'm much more willing to be outside and go out and explore. Now I just want to curl up in my sweats and not leave the house.

I'm making an effort to get out once a week during the week and go out at night at least once on the weekends. That's helping.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 15:07, 2006-10-25

Kitty · Hermes

Sort of. I have almost no desire to go out during the work week. I'm tired. I just want to come home, get in PJs, eat dinner, and relax.

On the weekends I do like to go out and do stuff, though. I don't really have friends - but the BF and I usually go out both Sat. and Sun. night.

One thing I have found, is that i have like no desire to go to bars/clubs anymore.

Elle · Hermes

I've always been a 'few close friends' person as opposed to a 'lots of casual friends' one which right there limits the people I have available to go out with! But usually I'm perfectly content to come home and have a quiet evening in, especially on weeknights.

I at least try to make a point of accepting opportunities to go out if they present themselves, since I'm not likely to create my own. Sometimes we'll initiate home-centric activities like having a couple people over for football or a casual dinner/barbeque.

I always feel more like staying closer to home when the weather starts to cool, too. I'd say give yourself a break from feeling obligated for awhile! Keeping in touch is a two way street, anyway.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

These are all signs of depression, which I myself have been through, and still struggle with from time to time. I would suggest going to a therapist, but avoid medication at all costs. Depression runs in my family, and I've seen several friends go through it was well, and in every case medication did nothing to solve the problem except turn them into zombies. Contrary to somewhat popular belief, anti-depressants do not, and are not intended, to make you happy. Instead they eliminate the dips in your emotional state, but also eliminate highs, so you're in a very monotonous emotional state.

I realize that you didn't mention feeling sad, but that's not neccessarily a marker of depression. Lethargy, not wanting to interact with people, preferring to stay in, etc...these are all signs of depression. Talking with a therapist really helped me get over a bad hump, and helped me to better understand WHY I felt that way sometimes.

twinkle · Coach

totally! i have 2 really close girlfriends and my BF in the city i live in- and i don't feel like i have the time or desire to meet or hang out w/anyone else. nothing is better to me than a night in, cooking, reading, watching a movie, etc. either by myself or with any of the 3 of them.

i also work insanely long hours so i know this contributes to it- but i am such a homebody. i do feel like i should be out socializing more but i just don't care enough to do it.

Elle · Hermes

Squishy - does your job involve working with people alot? When I was working as a receptionist/CS person (and when I was a teacher) and therefore constantly talking and interacting with people all. freaking. day. I wanted to socialize for fun alot less. Having to stay 'engaged' with a few specific people or many different people does a number on my brain.

Another angle to consider, at least .

squishy · Coach

yay! i'm not alone! not that our collective hermitude is necessarily a good thing, but you know what i mean :)

gingembre, i didn't think of depression, actually. i checked some of the symptoms (flagging personal hygiene, sad/suicidal thoughts, change in weight/appetite, no motivation etc), and most don't apply to me, but it's a good thing to keep in mind. and my job isn't people/CS intensive (i work in a research lab), elle. i think it might stem from exhaustion. my job takes up quite some time, and until very very recently, most of my free time was consumed by grad school applications. so it was like having one very full time job, and another stressful part-time gig.

how sad is it that i can't wait until 6:30pm so i can happy-mope at home?

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

I am a pretty outgoing person, but I seldom talk to people, let alone go out with them. I was always a few good friends type of gal, but since HS and college, these once close friends have drifted and changed and so I don't really have any friends at all. I have moved a number of times and so only one of these formerly good friends lives in the same city. My bf lives across the country and so I don't get to hang out with him either.

I haven't had any real circle of friends for years and so I am pretty used to entertaining myself (movies, knitting, surfing the web), but I do feel like I should WANT to hang out with people. I do have this desire fleetingly, but the bottom line is that I don't go out much or talk to people much.

This was just a really round about way of saying that you aren't alone, especially in a new/different city.

kittenheels · Coach

I totally know what you mean. Since I left grad school, when I'm done with work on a weeknight, I just want to have a glass of wine and zone out. Friday nights too - especially after a long week. I'm just so tired. Fortunately DH likes wine and the couch as well

I think it's totally normal. Our world is so hectic that I think people need more alone/reflection time than we did before.

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

Me too, Me too. I have zero desire to go out, even on weekends or initiate new friendships.

I have always been a few close friends kind of girl. The problem is one of those friends lives 6 hrs away and the other is an hour away with a husband and brand new baby, needless to say she is busy.

I work with people all day long and totally look forward to my quiet time alone. The only time I really wish I was more social is when I want to go do something couple-esque. I have always hated seeing movies and eating at restraunts by myself, especially on friday and saturday nights. Other than that, I really like my alone time and will probably not be changing any time soon.

My mother is convinced I am depressed, but I am trying to convince her I am just mean and lazy!!