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Post Info TOPIC: Regrets...Hindsight is always 20/20
gingembre1


Kate Spade

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Regrets...Hindsight is always 20/20
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This is just kind of a musing post, but it's stuff that I could never tell anyone in my life/would admit to anyone, but find myself thinking about a lot lately...


Growing up, I've never been a baby person, often thought I'd never have kids (although I've been sort of on the fence about it), liked to say I'd never get married...  But in the last few months, I've found myself thinking that I'd actually really like having a kid or two of my own, and having my own little family.  I don't look at little kids everywhere and think they're all cute, but I am starting to feel a little envious of friends who are married, are getting married, or have children.  But the worst is that I've realized that I missed out on a truly wonderful man that I dated in high school, who is now married and has two children.  I keep thinking that could have been me, and although I would have missed out on a lot of great things, I think I'm finally starting to realize that children and a family of my own are something I want very dearly.  I'm the one that broke it off with A, but I was too young and stupid to realize what I had - I thought I needed someone more ambitious, who would make more money, etc.  I've dated a lot since A, but no one else has ever measured up in the ways that count.  I guess I'm just feeling wistful, regretful, and a little lonely.


This is all very rambling, but basically I've just been thinking over what I want in life, and regretting some decisions and my own stupidity when I was younger.  And I've been feeling a distinct lack of hope that I'll ever meet someone I want to be in a relationship with, let alone marry and have kids.  Sigh...pity party for one.



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Don't be too hard on yourself -- part of growing up is being stupid and making mistakes. :) If you broke up with A, then it must have been the right decision for you at the time; I wouldn't call that a mistake. So he turned out to be a great guy and is married and has kids. Do you think it's his life that you want, not necessarily him? There are other great guys out there. I firmly believe that it is never too late. If what you want is to have your own family, then you will have that someday. :)

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gingembre1


Kate Spade

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Thanks Scarlett...It's not necessarily A that I regret so much, but like you said, his life.  And you're right, at the time it was the right decision.  I was way too young to think about marriage, kids, etc.  I guess I'm just at that point in life where everyone around me is starting to get married, and it's affecting me (even though I never thought I'd be that person who was envious of her married friends).  Thanks for the boost of optimism.

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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I agree with Scarlet. I'm pretty sure the regret meter doesn't start until you're 20 or so. Everything before that is "Doing the best you can while a fricking TEENAGER." Actually, everything after that can still be "Doing your best with what you knew about yoursel at the time..." And it sounds like you've changed since high school, so a decision that didn't make sense for you then makes sense now. That's nothing to beat yourself up over.

As for the kids/house/man thing. I know how this feels. But it's easy to forget that having those things requires a LOT of work. Like a puppy. Who spends your money without asking on a new corvette and shoplifts at the store by shoving things in his stroller and also requires constant maintenance to prevent the neighbors from complaining that you're letting the yard go. Other people/things in your life need constant tending and limitless patience. Personally, I don't have room for either right now.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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You're welcome, Gingrembre. I definitely empathise with your feelings. I've had them myself -- watching friends making those choices and being happy for them, but also wondering "when will this happen for me?" It sounds like this is a pretty recent development for you, so I would guess that means you came to these feelings in the best way: through your own experiences.

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