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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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weird wedding situation with friend
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Last weekend I attended an out of town wedding for a good friend from college, "K." The night I arrived, there was a get together at a bar for everyone. While I was there, another girl from our group of friends mentioned there had been a "bridal luncheon" for K at her parent's house earlier that day. I wasn't invited to this, and the other two girls I was talking to had been there. One of them told me it had been a small gathering, but I had the impression that I was the only girl from the college group to not be invited. Maybe I am wrong and I wasn't the only one, but I just don't know.

I thought we were all good friends, and at one point when K and I had both been living in NYC for three years she told me I was her best friend there. She came on a family vacation with me to the Carribbean once, she's been to my parent's home a few times, and we used to hang out all the time. When she moved away we did drift apart a little, but I thought it was just due to distance and busy schedules.

When I heard there had been this lunch and that I hadn't been invited to it, I felt really sad. I wonder if I've done something to hurt her feelings but I don't know what it would have been. My boyfriend thinks I should just ask K why I wasn't invited but that seems too aggressive and rude, basically.

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Elle


Hermes

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Was everyone else coming in from out of town, too?  If so than it could have been that she didn't know that you would be in town in time, or didn't want to burden you with trying to get to town in time.


Do you guys still keep in touch on a regular basis?  I know I didn't invite an old 'friend' to our wedding because she and I hadn't spoken in nearly 3 years and weren't that close when we did anyway.  I heard through the grapevine that she was clearly still expecting an invitation and trying to loose a few pounds and find a new dress for the wedding.


Or are the other college friends bridesmaids?  I was under the impression that a 'bridal luncheon' would have included the wedding party/family only?


Other than that I'm not sure what to tell you!  Weddings do have a tendency to create lots of sticky situations, though.



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I think you are so right about weddings creating sticky situations. Funnily enough, I feel a lot better now after writing out the whole thing!

To answer your questions, the other two girls who were there at the luncheon were not bridesmaids, and one of them came from the same city as me. I do still keep in touch with the bride, but it's true we don't communicate as much as we used to. Although that would be hard to keep up as we used to talk basically every day. I don't know...I think I will just make a bigger effort to be in touch now, because if anything this reminded me that I miss her and want to keep the friendship alive.

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laken1


Hermes

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Sounds like you have worked it out & I don't mean to be a s**t stirrer - but are the other 2 girls very catty or something? I just think it sounds kind of mean for them to say they are invited & you aren't - unless they just assumed you were as well. Or they could have invited themselves? Maybe the bride mentioned it & they said "oh we want to come" & she didn't know how to get out of the situation...I thought the bridal luncheon was the bridal party only as well.

Just a thought. I wouldn't be really worried though. I went through this too with a friend from HS - weddings are just so hard for the bride & I wouldn't hold any oversight against her for sure -- I'm sure she's doing the best she can with her resources & trying to think of everything. Sometimes you just can't!


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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Don't worry, you're not a s**tstirrer -- I wondered the same thing and so did my BF. They mentioned it in passing, like "oh, what kind of icing was on that cake at the luncheon?" and something else about how nice a time it had been. Then I asked, "was there a luncheon at K's parents' house today?" and one said "yes, but it was really small." I didn't say anything after that. I did think it was kind of thoughtless to talk about it in front of me, but oh well.

Maybe you're right about them inviting themselves -- I saw an invitation for the luncheon when I was at the house myself the day after the wedding (we all went there to hang out before leaving town) so I know it wasn't some kind of casual last minute thing. But you're right, it's not worth holding it against the bride, and planning a wedding can be stressful enough already!

Thanks for the advice, ladies.

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