STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

n/m

travelgirl · Kate Spade

RE: What About Kenzie?

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Yep. I feel you. I know this doesn't help right now, but I think you feel extra alone because you're still grieving the loss of the life you thought you were going to have. It's really hard.

I don't know if this helps, but you totaly turned your life around really quickly. It's been amazing to watch sweetie -you're doing so well! And you've been through a lot in the last year. Maybe now that things have settled down some, you have time to feel everything and process it all?

kenzie · Chanel

.

-- Edited by kenzie at 23:54, 2006-07-06

kahluamilk · Dooney & Bourke

nothing wrong with you!! kenzie i'm 29 (a lil older than you.. so a lil bit wiser ) and i have no desire to get married just quite yet either.

think abt this... once you get married.. u have a LIFETIME to be together... alot of couples don't seem to make it and divorces are so common now so why rush?! there's PLENTY of time.

laken1 · Hermes

I really hate to say this but maybe you need a new set of friends. That doesn't mean that you need to 100% give up your "coupled" friends but they are always going to make you feel like you should be a part of a couple too if you hang out with them. Maybe find some other girls in your same situation to go out with / hang with some of the time? I know that isn't as easy as it is to say, but that's what I had to do when I got single again, otherwise I wouldn't have had nearly enough "out" with the girls time since the married ones had a other obligations & I couldn't always count on them for a night out.

Also, if it makes you feel any better (which I'm sure it won't) this won't ever go away. Now that I'm married, when we hang out with married friends with kids they make us feel like we should have kids....the ones with 2 kids ask those with one kid when they are having another one, etc etc.

Hang in there - it will get better

kenzie · Chanel

.

-- Edited by kenzie at 23:52, 2006-07-06

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

laken1 wrote:

I really hate to say this but maybe you need a new set of friends. That doesn't mean that you need to 100% give up your "coupled" friends but they are always going to make you feel like you should be a part of a couple too if you hang out with them. Maybe find some other girls in your same situation to go out with / hang with some of the time? I know that isn't as easy as it is to say, but that's what I had to do when I got single again, otherwise I wouldn't have had nearly enough "out" with the girls time since the married ones had a other obligations & I couldn't always count on them for a night out. Also, if it makes you feel any better (which I'm sure it won't) this won't ever go away. Now that I'm married, when we hang out with married friends with kids they make us feel like we should have kids....the ones with 2 kids ask those with one kid when they are having another one, etc etc. Hang in there - it will get better

That's what I was thinking. Join some local charities or groups....volunteer at a hospital or soemthing for awhile until you meet some new people.

DH and I lived together for a looong time before we actually got married. We already felt like we were married so it wasn't a big deal to us. When my younger brother got married, all I heard the whole day were comments like "don't you know you were supposed to get married first" and "how come you're not married yet". Very annoying- I was just trying to enjoy my brother's wedding. I really wonder sometimes if people honestly don't realize how rude they are? They think just because they have an idea about how "things are supposed to be" that it's how it is.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying your independence and being single and they shouldn't make you feel like there is. I think next time one of them tries to set you up- you should just tell them "no thanks- I'm really enjoying being single right now". Good luck

laken1 · Hermes

I know just what you mean & I realize the search for new girl friends to hang with is a harder situation than finding guys to date! For me I had a bunch of guy friends in town so I hung with them all of the time. I knew they would always be out & that if I just wanted to go I could & they would be there (do I even need to say that I didn't date any of these barflys?). Anyway, through them I met 2 girls both of whom were kind of in the same situation & didn't want to always be around guys so we made a weekly go out night together. I will say though, these girls aren't my "friends" now - they were fun & I liked them but as soon as my situation changed we lost touch quickly. My point being, I surely didn't dump my real married / coupled friends at all - I just added these to my life....if that makes sense.

I guess the difference for me was that I wasn't in a new town - I can understand how that would be much more challenging. Is there anyone at work that goes places? Even a group of younger people? Sometimes it just takes going somewhere new to find someone new & interesting....

Again, I know easy for me to say as I sit here in my pjs on 4th of July alone!

manhattanmonkey · Kenneth Cole

I am in a similar but different situation.

I will be 20 in less than a month. I have never, ever had a boyfriend and have only come remotely close to it once. Most of my friends are in a serious relationship.

I have a good group of friends, but they are all busy with work or family obligations. In the evenings I come home and read, have dinner with my family and rent movies and eat ice cream.

I am a junior in college, have a good job and enjoy life but I don't have the friends that do stuff together or the connections to meet new people. And I feel kind of helpless.

Oftentimes, I feel alone and as much as I love my family, I often get bored with their conversations and wish I could find someone my own age to connect with.

No, you are not alone!

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Well, I was in a bit of a similar situation (my friends are still single, but they live in KC and I now live in San Diego). When I lived in ATL for a year I met mainly guys and spent my time hanging out with them. When I moved to San Diego in October, I made a conscious effort to go to everything I was invited to even when I didn't feel like it. Through this, I met people that invited me to other things and eventually found a good group of girls that have become friends.

I also joined a couple of volunteer organizations and made an effort to organize happy hours or go to all organized happy hours. One of those groups is the Junior League. Do you have a local chapter? I know it has a reputation for being stuffy, but I have met some wonderful people in my chapter. I also volunteer for the Red Cross and have met a few people through that... Finally, I am taking a graduate course, a belly dancing course and a silversmithing course and they have all been good places for meeting people (any hobby or adult educations courses you want to take?). I found that when I asked people in these classes to go to lunch or happy hour, 9 times out of 10 they said yes because they were all looking for new friends too!!

Good Luck!

Kelly · Hermes

manhattanmonkey wrote:

Oftentimes, I feel alone and as much as I love my family, I often get bored with their conversations and wish I could find someone my own age to connect with.

No, you are not alone!

Kenzie, I hope you don't think I'm jacking your post by responding to manhattanmonkey...but I couldn't help but respond to her. I'm more at her stage of life than yours, and as much as I wish I had encouraging things to say to you, only a few of my friends are married thus far and I don't really know how to deal with that yet.

Manhattanmonkey, if I were you I would really try to live on campus, or at least near campus. Or get a job on campus! I know that's so corny, but I wouldn't have met any of my friends that I have now, if I had never lived on campus. I think when you're a commuter, it's so easy to get in the groove of going to classes, going to work, going home. But living in the dorms was the best thing I did for my college life. I made so many friends that way. My sophomore year, I moved in with a girl that I lived down the hall from in the dorms, and was great friends with. One day, she brought me to a party where I met a girl who eventually invited me on Spring break. Now, I don't ever see the girl I lived with sophomore year, but I'm inseperable with everyone I went on spring break with that year, and everyone I've met through them. You just get to meet so many different people if you live in the dorms, because everyone there is in the exact same boat as you are.

blubirde · Chanel

***WARNING: Potential offensive rant to those who are married and with kids. Don't read if there is potential to get offended.***

The world wants you to be married with 2.3 kids. Think about it. We're surrounded by SUVs, "family" ratings on tv, father's day, mother's day, houses that can only be afforded with joint incomes, valentine's day, etc.

So what do we do? Us non-married, non-parenting folks? First we have to get over it. We have to accept that sometimes the world is geared towards people that aren't us. Second, we have to not let it bother us. How to do that? Love our independent status. We can go where we want, buy whatever we want, and be whomever we want. We don't have to be someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's joint filer on IRS forms. When I go to the grocery store, I love just being able to carry around a basket instead of a cart. I buy wine everytime I go. I don't buy crap to shove in kids' mouths, boy food, or bon-bons to eat while I'm enjoying my five minute alone time in my too-big house with too many people in it.

I like knowing that I'm the biggest demographic for advertisers and retailers (at least for places I'm interested in). I like knowing I can buy a two-seater car. I like using extra income on pretty dresses and things for my house. I like having extra time to devote to hobbies and learning new things. (Okay, I should do that but sometimes I don't. And that's okay, too, because it's totally my choice.) I like hating weddings and feeling a sense of relief when I get to leave one. I like being a Ms. I like, quite frankly, bucking society and not feeling like I have to do what everyone else does.

We are quite a group, the unmarried-and-no-kids-group. We have unlimited earning potential, purchasing power, and political power (when we use it). Everyone else wants us to feel like we have to be just like them. But we don't. We can make whatever choice we feel like and give a big, fat finger to everyone else.

So don't feel bad for what you don't have, because that could go on forever. Be happy for what you do have. Be happy for who you are and what you can accomplish on your own. Besides, there's a whole lifetime to get married, divorced, watch kids grow up, etc. Now is your time. Enjoy it while you still have it.

Metric · Gucci

blubirde wrote:

***WARNING: Potential offensive rant to those who are married and with kids. Don't read if there is potential to get offended.*** The world wants you to be married with 2.3 kids. Think about it. We're surrounded by SUVs, "family" ratings on tv, father's day, mother's day, houses that can only be afforded with joint incomes, valentine's day, etc. So what do we do? Us non-married, non-parenting folks? First we have to get over it. We have to accept that sometimes the world is geared towards people that aren't us. Second, we have to not let it bother us. How to do that? Love our independent status. We can go where we want, buy whatever we want, and be whomever we want. We don't have to be someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's joint filer on IRS forms. When I go to the grocery store, I love just being able to carry around a basket instead of a cart. I buy wine everytime I go. I don't buy crap to shove in kids' mouths, boy food, or bon-bons to eat while I'm enjoying my five minute alone time in my too-big house with too many people in it. I like knowing that I'm the biggest demographic for advertisers and retailers (at least for places I'm interested in). I like knowing I can buy a two-seater car. I like using extra income on pretty dresses and things for my house. I like having extra time to devote to hobbies and learning new things. (Okay, I should do that but sometimes I don't. And that's okay, too, because it's totally my choice.) I like hating weddings and feeling a sense of relief when I get to leave one. I like being a Ms. I like, quite frankly, bucking society and not feeling like I have to do what everyone else does. We are quite a group, the unmarried-and-no-kids-group. We have unlimited earning potential, purchasing power, and political power (when we use it). Everyone else wants us to feel like we have to be just like them. But we don't. We can make whatever choice we feel like and give a big, fat finger to everyone else. So don't feel bad for what you don't have, because that could go on forever. Be happy for what you do have. Be happy for who you are and what you can accomplish on your own. Besides, there's a whole lifetime to get married, divorced, watch kids grow up, etc. Now is your time. Enjoy it while you still have it.

Amen, sister!!!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Where do you find these people? Wherever - I met one of my best friends here in starbucks, she introduced me to her group of friends, now I throw parties for law school people and the group of friends she introduced me to, and they're starting to hang out on their own a little (it was weird at first, no one outside school liked the law school people because they were kind of mean!)

You have to be the one to throw the party! People will always come, and it's fun. Plus, even if they don't, they have to invite you to theirs, so it's a great way to meet more people. Oh, and if you have a small apartment or something, just throw a party at a bar. Technically it's sort of not so much a party, but people do it in law school all the time.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 13:40, 2006-07-07

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

blubirde wrote:

***WARNING: Potential offensive rant to those who are married and with kids. Don't read if there is potential to get offended.***
The world wants you to be married with 2.3 kids. Think about it. We're surrounded by SUVs, "family" ratings on tv, father's day, mother's day, houses that can only be afforded with joint incomes, valentine's day, etc.
So what do we do? Us non-married, non-parenting folks? First we have to get over it. We have to accept that sometimes the world is geared towards people that aren't us. Second, we have to not let it bother us. How to do that? Love our independent status. We can go where we want, buy whatever we want, and be whomever we want. We don't have to be someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's joint filer on IRS forms. When I go to the grocery store, I love just being able to carry around a basket instead of a cart. I buy wine everytime I go. I don't buy crap to shove in kids' mouths, boy food, or bon-bons to eat while I'm enjoying my five minute alone time in my too-big house with too many people in it.
I like knowing that I'm the biggest demographic for advertisers and retailers (at least for places I'm interested in). I like knowing I can buy a two-seater car. I like using extra income on pretty dresses and things for my house. I like having extra time to devote to hobbies and learning new things. (Okay, I should do that but sometimes I don't. And that's okay, too, because it's totally my choice.) I like hating weddings and feeling a sense of relief when I get to leave one. I like being a Ms. I like, quite frankly, bucking society and not feeling like I have to do what everyone else does.
We are quite a group, the unmarried-and-no-kids-group. We have unlimited earning potential, purchasing power, and political power (when we use it). Everyone else wants us to feel like we have to be just like them. But we don't. We can make whatever choice we feel like and give a big, fat finger to everyone else.
So don't feel bad for what you don't have, because that could go on forever. Be happy for what you do have. Be happy for who you are and what you can accomplish on your own. Besides, there's a whole lifetime to get married, divorced, watch kids grow up, etc. Now is your time. Enjoy it while you still have it.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! Well said Babe!

kenzie · Chanel

RE: n/m

manhattanmonkey · Kenneth Cole

ttara123 wrote:

manhattanmonkey wrote:
Oftentimes, I feel alone and as much as I love my family, I often get bored with their conversations and wish I could find someone my own age to connect with.

No, you are not alone!

Kenzie, I hope you don't think I'm jacking your post by responding to manhattanmonkey...but I couldn't help but respond to her. I'm more at her stage of life than yours, and as much as I wish I had encouraging things to say to you, only a few of my friends are married thus far and I don't really know how to deal with that yet.

Manhattanmonkey, if I were you I would really try to live on campus, or at least near campus. Or get a job on campus! I know that's so corny, but I wouldn't have met any of my friends that I have now, if I had never lived on campus. I think when you're a commuter, it's so easy to get in the groove of going to classes, going to work, going home. But living in the dorms was the best thing I did for my college life. I made so many friends that way. My sophomore year, I moved in with a girl that I lived down the hall from in the dorms, and was great friends with. One day, she brought me to a party where I met a girl who eventually invited me on Spring break. Now, I don't ever see the girl I lived with sophomore year, but I'm inseperable with everyone I went on spring break with that year, and everyone I've met through them. You just get to meet so many different people if you live in the dorms, because everyone there is in the exact same boat as you are.

I just saw this....sorry for not responding sooner.

I do live on campus and last year I did work on campus and it helped so much! I was much more outgoing last year and it helped, but now I'm home working for the summer and most of my friends are spread out.

I'm glad there are other people out there to relate to various situations.

Thanks!

ris · Nine West

ok, i'm not even sure what the original post on this subject was, but i can definately relate to it all. i am from a small town where all of my 20-something friends are married and i was engaged to be married, but then, my fiance and i broke up and i just couldn't deal with the small-town mentality of "you should be married by 25" so i packed my stuff and moved to los angeles. i got a job and an apartment and found a church and then i started going to every single thing anyone invited me to and now i have more friends than i have ever had before and they are mostly all single and around my age. even though i still want a boyfriend sometimes and want to get married one day, it feels good to just have fun being single for now. if it's possible for you to do something crazy like move to a new city, i would definately suggest it! i think everyone should try it once and sometimes being fed up with a situation is just the motivation you need to do it!

when it comes to making friends with girls, i have to say you have to put forth extra effort. i think most single girls don't seek out friendships with other single girls because we're too focused on finding boyfriends and being friends with guys is so much easier in the beginning than being friends with girls. girl friendships build slowly and take time. my advice in making more girlfriends is to be persistent and dont' hesitate to be the one to ask someone to hang out and keep asking. the more and more you hang out, the better and better friends you will become.

don't know if any of this helps, but hope so.

kenzie · Chanel

ris wrote:

ok, i'm not even sure what the original post on this subject was, but i can definately relate to it all. i am from a small town where all of my 20-something friends are married and i was engaged to be married, but then, my fiance and i broke up and i just couldn't deal with the small-town mentality of "you should be married by 25" so i packed my stuff and moved to los angeles. i got a job and an apartment and found a church and then i started going to every single thing anyone invited me to and now i have more friends than i have ever had before and they are mostly all single and around my age. even though i still want a boyfriend sometimes and want to get married one day, it feels good to just have fun being single for now. if it's possible for you to do something crazy like move to a new city, i would definately suggest it! i think everyone should try it once and sometimes being fed up with a situation is just the motivation you need to do it! when it comes to making friends with girls, i have to say you have to put forth extra effort. i think most single girls don't seek out friendships with other single girls because we're too focused on finding boyfriends and being friends with guys is so much easier in the beginning than being friends with girls. girl friendships build slowly and take time. my advice in making more girlfriends is to be persistent and dont' hesitate to be the one to ask someone to hang out and keep asking. the more and more you hang out, the better and better friends you will become. don't know if any of this helps, but hope so.

Hey, ris. I am planning on picking up and moving to a new city within the next two years. However, I was living in a big city (Philly) and was abruptly uprooted (I don't know if you've been posting here long enough to remember what happened to me). I am definitely not a small-town person. I'm a fish out of water here, but this is where I found a job after years of searching, so I'm kind of stuck here for a little bit, at least. Moving at this exact moment is not an option. Although, I know alot of my problem is the smalltown mindset where I currently live. I just have to suck it up for another year or so.