STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

how to express sympathies for pseudo-boyfriend

Maat · Kenneth Cole

It may be easier to ask after he passes away. Once you hear the news, you can let him know you have something you would like to send to him and his family, can you have his address? I don't think it would be weird or inappropriate to send flowers and a card. You would if it was a new girl friend, right? I know it is hard to gauge how much you can show feelings in a new relationship, but definitely, in this case, you should do something for him.

Things not to do? I probably wouldn't go to the funeral or wake unless he invited me. I also probably wouldn't spend a ton of money on the flowers.

laken1 · Hermes

ITA with Maat. I wouldn't go to the funeral or even send something to the funeral home because that would cause questions he might not feel answering (you know, from Aunt Bea or whoever!). I know when my grandfather died one of my friends sent flowers to my house & it felt more personal for me & I really appreciated it.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I would also wait until grandpa passes to do anything.

And I think flowers and card sent to his home would be a very nice idea. You at least know his last name and his city right? I bet you can find his address on the internet pretty painlessly.

needsfashionadvice · Kate Spade

If you have his home phone number (it doesn't work with cell phone) you can google his number and it might bring up his address. Just google "555-555-5555" and see if it comes up. If he hasn't had the number long it might bring up the previous person though.

NCshopper · Hermes

If I were in that situation, I'd say something along the lines of "This must be a really tough time for you. Is there anything I can do to help?" If he says no, I wouldn't take that as a bad sign or anything, but just let him know that you're there for him. I don't know how a guy would feel about getting flowers, but baking some brownies or cookies or something like that would probably be appreciated. I think you want to let him know you're there for him if he needs you, without stepping on his toes and being the ever-present, in-your-face girlfriend type.

Kelly · Hermes

You guys have good ideas... I can't look up his house through his phone number because he only has a cell phone, but I might be able to find it in the phone book. I'll be home visiting my family again for almost a week starting this afternoon, so I told him to call me if he ever needed to talk or get away or something.... it's so hard! If I was a girlfriend, I would know what to do because I'd actually have a place in his life. As it is, I want to show him that I do care and will be for him at such a hard time, without forcing myself upon him if all he really wants is space and time.