STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> nevemind
Post Info TOPIC: nevemind
doodles


BCBG

Status: Offline
Posts: 103
Date:
nevemind
Permalink Closed



-- Edited by doodles at 19:24, 2006-05-25

__________________
do you love it?
killa


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 988
Date:
RE: boy trouble
Permalink Closed

Augh. I hate double standards!


I would call him out on it, but at the same time, you are playing into his unhealthy demands. If he really insists that you don't talk to your exes and you don't mind those rules, then it is only fair that he cuts off communication with his exes.



__________________
Mandy


Kate Spade

Status: Offline
Posts: 1134
Date:
Permalink Closed

doodles wrote:

 my live in boyfriend has made it very clear to me that he doesn't want me talking to any ex's or guy friends, this is understandable to me.

this concerns me.  i know, for me, this would not work.  i have too many guy friends and im not willing to give them up.  if you have cheated on him or something and he has a reason to not trust you, thats one thing.  but if he says this for no reason,  i take issue with that. 


with that said, every relationship is different.  if you are ok with this, thats all that matters.


as far as him talking to an ex, i would not tolerate a double standard like that.  confronting him depends how you found out.  if its by normal means, i could ask him about it outright and voice your concern.  if you checked his email or his phone or something like that (unless he knows you do this), i might not show my cards on that.  i wouldn't be so concerned that he talks to the ex  but that he kept it from you and prohibited you from doing the same thing. 



__________________
www.mandyandbryan.com
D


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 8209
Date:
Permalink Closed

those who cannot trust others, often cannot be trusted themselves.


in other words, he is projecting upon you what he is capable of. JMO


 



__________________
"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
doodles


BCBG

Status: Offline
Posts: 103
Date:
Permalink Closed



-- Edited by doodles at 19:24, 2006-05-25

__________________
do you love it?
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

detroit wrote:

those who cannot trust others, often cannot be trusted themselves. in other words, he is projecting upon you what he is capable of. JMO  
I could not agree more.

__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
doodles


BCBG

Status: Offline
Posts: 103
Date:
Permalink Closed

thanks guys, i think i know what i have to do.

__________________
do you love it?
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
Permalink Closed

I agree with Detroit - this sounds very shady. Why does he get to pick who you talk to? Does he decide other things for you, or is this something really specific that has to do with a past experience or something like that? Because that's the only justification I can think of for it, and even then, it seems like he would be able to keep the rule for himself. Something just doesnt' feel right. But I'm not there so I could be wrong. What do you think, what does your gut say?

__________________
doodles


BCBG

Status: Offline
Posts: 103
Date:
nm
Permalink Closed



-- Edited by doodles at 19:38, 2006-05-25

__________________
do you love it?
D


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 8209
Date:
RE: boy trouble
Permalink Closed

doodles wrote:

he doesn't try to controll other things though, just the boys in my life. and he goes to great extremes with that.

I still stand by "those who cannot trust, cannot be trusted"


either that or he is just very insecure and needy.



__________________
"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
Permalink Closed

I don't know. He only tries to control the boys in your life? That's half the population. And I guess I would worry that once someone starts feeling entitled to control you, they will gradually extend it. Especially if their justification is something about you that they have decided you need to make up for. So you've made mistakes, who hasn't? You don't have to pay for them forever. You just have to be a trustworthy person today.

The way he has it set up, you have to do something to "make up" for your past mistakes, but he apparently doesn't? Maybe he didnt' think it through, but he seems really insecure. And insecure people can be really hurtful. (I know because date them over and over and over, for some reason I feel like I have to take care fo them....) Is it possible this is something that you're doing, trying to be really nice to him, when he doesn't feel like he has to be as nice to you? Because allowing him to be in charge of all your encounters with men is giving up a huge amount of control. And the thing is, what if a guy decides he has a crush on you even if you havent' encouraged it. Would this guy get mad at you? Or what if you do develop a friendship with a guy, do you really want to give up that possibility because you made a bad judgment call but didn't cheat?

It's up to you, but I think it would be really understandable if you decided this guy is asking too much of you and renegotiated the deal or even, if you want, rethought the relationship. Could you ask him what he thinks about allowing you to pick your own friends? Could he handle it?

-- Edited by Dizzy at 19:10, 2006-05-25

__________________
scarlett


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2117
Date:
RE: nevemind
Permalink Closed

I see the original post has been taken down, but I just wanted to respond with something out of my own experience in hopes that it could save you from some pain.

It sounds as though this is a controlling boyfriend who wants to dictate who you can and can't be friends with. I had a boyfriend like this in college -- he didn't understand why I needed to be friends with any guys, and mistrusted all who I spent any time with. He'd think I was dating someone else, or he'd get angry if his room mate complimented me on a sweater or something innocuous like that. He even made pronouncements about girls I was friends with too. As time passed, he got more and more controlling, and it happened so gradually that I didn't notice it until over a year of this behavior had passed. When we finally broke up, he stalked me until I got the campus police involved.

When a guy tries to isolate you from people, that is classic abusive behavior. A guy doing that is trying to get you under his control without the support of friends. Please be very wary of this behavior!

__________________
http://fugitiveduck.blogspot.com/
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> nevemind
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard