STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

an odd etiquette question - begging at my car

Maddie · Coach

Just say no. There's really nothing you can say or do.

Sibeski · Dooney & Bourke

ACK! I have an inside tug-of-war at those times. Sometimes I give a couple of dollars, sometimes I don't. When I'm point-blank asked and don't feel comfortable giving I respond with, "I'm so sorry, but I don't have any money right now."

I usually carry a couple bottles of water or juice with me so I offer that at times. Sometimes it accepted, sometimes not. I haven't ever had anyone knock on my window, I think I'd freak out.

I did have someone approach me the other day when I had my boy in his stroller. I don't know where the fit came from, but I had one! With a raised voice I told him to back away. Back away now! I have my baby, you are making me uncomfortable! Back away! He walked away, but shook his head like I was crazy

PrincessPink · BCBG

Here's my trick and it works like a charm. Carry a pack of crackers or some little pkg food in your car. When they ask - and won't let you ignore them, offer them the crackers claiming you have no cash on you. Since they are supposed to be "homeless" and "hungry", they will either take the crackers b/c they are legit and thank you or they will walk away in disgust b/c there is nothing they can do/say in that situation! The thanks you get from someone who is truly hungry is an amazing feeling and the pleasure you get from duping a fake homeless person is priceless!!

Sibeski · Dooney & Bourke

Maddie - your avatar is hilarious! I still laugh everytime I see it.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

oh this gets on my last nerve and I live in a nicer area of town. What gets me is you can tell these people aren't really homeless! Nice jerseys and shoes one woman even looked like she had just finished jogging in the park with her little jogging outfit on! I refuse to give to people on the street corner for this reason. They are all fakes and the news does stories on this all the time. I ignore them if they come up to my car which they do in another area I tell them I don't have a dime so they won't bug me.

Collette · Chanel

I live in the city so every day I get asked for money. Unless they are selling Streetwise( a paper put together pretty much to give homeless people a job) then I do not give them anything. I've been yelled at, spit on, cussed out all by homeless people after offering to buy them a meal or jsut giving them food. 9 times out of 10 they want money to buy alcohol or drugs and I just refuse to support that. I know that sounds harsh but I'm sorry that's how I feel.

Mandy · Kate Spade

This is going to make me sound horrible and conservative and mean and stingy, but I have learned the best way to deal with these situations is to be forceful almost to the point of mean. I work in downtown Atlanta and get asked for money all the time. Its the same people everyday. I used to feel bad for them, but one day I gave someone the leftovers from my lunch because he said he wanted money for food. After I walked off I saw him put them down and walk off. Unfortunately, a lot of beggars want drugs or don't *need* it like aurora said. Now, I ignore them if I'm walking or say no and turn my nose up. I drive a convertible and sometimes they will try to come to my car and I will say no, if they try to give me a sob story I get mean and say no, you need to get away from me. I have even told a few to get a job.

**I realize this makes me sound horrible, I promise I am actually a big soft liberal. I'm just tired of being harassed by bums and if I gave everyone who asked me for money a dollar I would have no money myself.

Drew · Gucci

I have no sympathy for beggers. There are so many other, better ways to help yourself besides being completely unproductive on the streets begging (singing/playing for money obviously doesn't count)...

I would put on my sunglasses while driving in these areas, keep my windows up (safety! what if you get some nutso?), and even turn my music up and pretend like I'm really into the music. I would act like I didn't notice they are there, that I didn't even notice them. I would ignore any knocking on my window and just stare straight ahead. Whatever you do don't give them money. Also, is there another route you can take to avoid the beggers? I would go out of my way so I didn't have to deal with them.

Kelly · Hermes

Drew wrote:

Also, is there another route you can take to avoid the beggers? I would go out of my way so I didn't have to deal with them.

Unfortunately no...it's most common right near the expressways, which I always have to take. The sunglasses & music is a good idea, though, at the very least I wouldn't have to make eye contact with my sunglasses on!

Drew wrote:

here are so many other, better ways to help yourself besides being completely unproductive on the streets begging

I feel that way, too, but sometimes I feel mean for thinking it (like a lot of you guys said, I just already had Drew's quote up). Last night was a particularly pushy woman (which prompted this post) and she came up my car, which had me and four friends in it. I think we were all kind of embarassed to look/feel mean, so we started talking about it. Three of us are in school, so we have to work really crappy jobs part-time, because we don't have the time or degree to get something better right now. But we're still able to support ourselves. The guy who isn't in school (doesn't have a degree, either, he's going back to school in the fall after saving up some money) works a really crappy job full time, and he supports himself, so I feel bad but I sometimes I don't understand how we can survive and people who could spend their days working somewhere full time, or a few places part-time, just...don't. And expect us to hand over our hard-earned money.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 17:06, 2006-05-11

flknight24 · Dooney & Bourke

My BF is a project manager for a construction company and he really can give just about anyone a job so I always say that I don't have any $ but I can put them in touch with someone who can give them a job. You should see the reactions that usually evokes...most people act like I've offered to send them to the moon and THEN say they're not interested.

Kelly · Hermes

flknight24 wrote:

My BF is a project manager for a construction company and he really can give just about anyone a job so I always say that I don't have any $ but I can put them in touch with someone who can give them a job. You should see the reactions that usually evokes...most people act like I've offered to send them to the moon and THEN say they're not interested.

hahaha that's a good idea, though!

Metric · Gucci

flknight24 wrote:

My BF is a project manager for a construction company and he really can give just about anyone a job so I always say that I don't have any $ but I can put them in touch with someone who can give them a job. You should see the reactions that usually evokes...most people act like I've offered to send them to the moon and THEN say they're not interested.

My ex-boss got spit on once when he offered a homeless guy a meal in exchange for doing some chores outside the restaurant. He asked Mike for money and Mike told him that if he helped him wipe down the patio furniture he'd feed him whatever he wanted. The guy got totally offended and spit right in his face. It was so nasty. Therefore I will never give to panhandlers.

I think that if you want really want to help them, a donation to the United Way or a local charity is much better.

jen · Kate Spade

Lets keep in mind most homelss people have mental handicaps or other issues that prevent them from living the lives we do. I'm not saying give them money, but not everyone has the resources to excel in life.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

There is this one corner in town where "homeless" people always stand. They come prepared with their cardboard signs. It's on the street light corner of a busy road to get to the highway, so that's where they go. I go through there all the time and I absolutely hate it when I'm stuck at the light and there they are next to my car. They never go up to cars, so I'm glad I have tinted windows (I will make sure my doors are locked, windows up, even the sun roof), sunglasses on, and look straight ahead.

Anyways, most of these people wouldn't even accept a job if they were lucky enough to be handed one. They want something for nothing, and that is not how the world works.

Maddie · Coach

Not trying to start anything, but I really just want to echo want Jen said. I think it's pretty presumptious to say that someone is begging just because they're lazy and want handouts.

Kelly · Hermes

Maddie wrote:

Not trying to start anything, but I really just want to echo want Jen said. I think it's pretty presumptious to say that someone is begging just because they're lazy and want handouts.

I know, I understand what you mean and I know that some people just can't get off their feet not matter how much they try. I will give money to someone I think really needs it, like I said. But when people walk right up to my car, in the middle of the road, and get angry if I don't have the money, I hate how rude they're being to me and I have no idea how to react. I feel like someone came into my house and asked for my stuff or something.

laken1 · Hermes

While I don't disagree with what Maddie & Jen are saying, that doesn't mean that I feel comfortable rolling down my window for a complete stranger no matter what the circumstance. And it's really not my responsibility to give them handouts. I agree to give to a charity that helps them if that makes you comfortable.

I have gotten to a point in my life where I support the charities that I believe in & that I know help people / animals / etc in the areas that I believe in & want to further their cause. Anyone else that asks for money I tell them no with no guilt because I know I have done my part financially to an extent that I feel comfortable. That's all I'm doing & this includes beggers on the street. I feel for the most part it's rude & inconsiderate for them to stand on the street corner making you feel bad. No matter what anyone wants to believe, the fact is that there generally are resources for them if they seek them out but lots are drug or alcohol abusers & know they can't get that "help" at a shelter or charity.

PrincessPink · BCBG

Just a reminder - "Emmanuel" (the guy who stole Elizabeth Smart) was "homeless" and the Smarts hired him to do odd jobs around the house... Just a thought....

And, just to take a left turn in the conversation -
Once - and I have only done this once - but I did get great pleasure out of it... I saw a beggar outside of a liquor store. I was parking my car in the lot betwen the bar and teh liquor store, so I whipped out a $10 and gave it to the guy. I told him that he could have it to go buy liquor b/c I knew that was what he was going to do in exchange for 2 things - one - he had to watch my new car and not let anyone near it and he had to buy the best damn bottle of alcohol that he could afford with that $10. He willingly agreed with the biggest grin I'd ever seen (he was not mentally disturbed, btw, or I would not have done it). Anyway, I went about my business, went to the bar and a variety of others and cabbed home that night. When I went back to get my car the next day, he was there, gaurding my car and gripping an empty bottle of Jack Daniels! I guess he'd been there all night! While, certainly not the right thing for me to do it was nice to make someone's day and I was pleasantly surprised that he held up his end of the bargain.

jen · Kate Spade

Ted Kaczynski has a PhD....does that mean we shouldn't trust those with PhD's as well? I mean, if we don't trust homeless people because of Emmanuel...