STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

confront or let it go?

Maddie · Coach

I think you're reading too much into it. It sounds more to me like he's just flakey. And no matter what, I wouldn't confront him. You have nothing to gain. Just don't contact him again unless he contacts you.

nicoley · Coach

Here is my first impression, upon reading what you wrote...

It seems to me like he still likes you, and was trying to make in effort in calling you, but when you didnt answer or call him right away, I think he felt like you didnt want to talk to him, and so now he is trying to blow you off to make it look like he doesnt care. But it definitely sounds like he does want to talk to you, just doesnt want to make it seem like he cares, when he obviously does. If that makes sense? Basically its the whole guys and egos thing.

And in answer to your question, i would not confront him at all... I guarentee he comes around on his own.

-- Edited by nicoley013 at 19:46, 2006-04-22

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

It sounds like he may have thought you were blowing him off. I would make one more attempt and call it quits if you don't get him. If he called you all those times he will eventually call back as long as he knows you really weren't blowing him off.

blink · Coach

let it go. immediately stop all effortful contact. if he calls you and you prefer to politely give him a return call, do so, but just once like it's no big deal. if he doesn't respond, forget it....and yeah, don't be a sucker, it just sets you up for being madder.

Hermes

guys have this need to not be hated after they break up with someone. that's all that it is. he doesn't really want to be friends in the true sense, he just wants you to not hate him. in his mind he accomplished this by having you agree to friendship, which would require not hating him.

the whole friendship thing after a break-up is a farce - it's just their way of walking away with a clear conscience.

poptart · Coach

nicoley013 wrote:

Here is my first impression, upon reading what you wrote...
It seems to me like he still likes you, and was trying to make in effort in calling you, but when you didnt answer or call him right away, I think he felt like you didnt want to talk to him, and so now he is trying to blow you off to make it look like he doesnt care. But it definitely sounds like he does want to talk to you, just doesnt want to make it seem like he cares, when he obviously does. If that makes sense? Basically its the whole guys and egos thing.
And in answer to your question, i would not confront him at all... I guarentee he comes around on his own.-- Edited by nicoley013 at 19:46, 2006-04-22

I totally agree. Sounds like he freaked out that you weren't immediately available.

Whatever on him. My opinion is that his behavior will continue because, as Detroit said, he doesn't really want to be friends. If he did, he wouldn't let this ego stuff intrude.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

detroit wrote:

the whole friendship thing after a break-up is a farce - it's just their way of walking away with a clear conscience.

Yeah, I think I suspected something like that, and that's why I'm so ticked off. It's funny, this was supposed to be the NICE guy - my friends were worried about me beign nice enough to HIM!

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I wouldn't confront him. What do you have to gain by doing so? If he calls you again, I'd chat.. But I would stop making any effort if I were you. Don't stress yourself out of this type of thing! :)

blubirde · Chanel

JoceyBaby23 wrote:

I wouldn't confront him. What do you have to gain by doing so? If he calls you again, I'd chat.. But I would stop making any effort if I were you. Don't stress yourself out of this type of thing! :)

Agreed. Don't worry with it. You did your part, let him do his if he wants. Otherwise, let it be.

Oh and dizzy, the first and last time I let my friends talk me into a "nice guy" situation, I ended up going to see a god-comedian, paying for half of not-my-idea-expensive dinner, and having to fight off an unwanted tongue stuck down my throat. Ugh. I'm shuddering just remembering it. Whatever you do, don't let your friends' judgment overcome your own. They're always wrong. You're always right.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

blubirde wrote:

Whatever you do, don't let your friends' judgment overcome your own. They're always wrong. You're always right.

Haha - I remember that story! Oh god... I think friends use "nice" to mean "uglier than you" which they assume means he will treat a pretty girl better. But it doesn't work that way because GUYS NEVER THINK THEY ARE UGLY. No matter how white, flabby, ungelled, and poorly dressed they are, their mothers told them they are the shit and they will believe it forever! In fact, I think guys sort of use some formula that says 'this girl is a fox, she is willing to spend an hour with me, therefore I am a fox," and then they ACT ON IT and think they can treat the girl they're with like crap AND get any other girl at that level even though they clearly lucked out in the first place. Jackasses.

blubirde · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

blubirde wrote: Whatever you do, don't let your friends' judgment overcome your own. They're always wrong. You're always right. Haha - I remember that story! Oh god... I think friends use "nice" to mean "uglier than you" which they assume means he will treat a pretty girl better. But it doesn't work that way because GUYS NEVER THINK THEY ARE UGLY. No matter how white, flabby, ungelled, and poorly dressed they are, their mothers told them they are the shit and they will believe it forever! In fact, I think guys sort of use some formula that says 'this girl is a fox, she is willing to spend an hour with me, therefore I am a fox," and then they ACT ON IT and think they can treat the girl they're with like crap AND get any other girl at that level even though they clearly lucked out in the first place. Jackasses.

Hee! And how.