STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

how to deal w/ being hit on

Hermes

how to deal with it, is to just not make it into a huge deal and keep your cool. be professional and don't acknowledge the flirtation. the comment about liking it when you bend over was over the line though - I would have said, "pardon me?" and if he repeated himself, you could just tell him "I don't find that appropriate in a professional environment" and if he gets all beligerant saying things to try to bring you down a notch, just don't react and remain professional. don't stoop to his level.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

If you have to see him again, and you are equal or lesser in power, pat him on the head and roll your eyes. It will make him feel like he's getting away with something, wihtout feelign like he can get away with something, if you know what I mean....

If you have more power, it's harder, because it's their way of evening things out (I have a VERY assertive friend who spent last summer in hell because of her law firm's doorman). So if you pull rank on them, it will make it worse. And if you condescend, it will make it worse. I like to give them a cold, long look and say, "You let someone talk to your sister that way?" If they say "yeah baby," say, "Ok," and walk off calmly. Just keep repeating until they know you're not goign to lose your cool, and you dont' think you're better than they are.

Good luck, this one is so uncomfortable... I generally avoid mentioning that I could file a complaint, or that it'snot professional, because the people who do this purposely are the ones you ahve to worry about, and they play by playground rules and won't necessarily care. In fact, it can make it a lot worse if they think you're fighting with them. But I don't generally operate with threats because I don't like things escalating, and it's too much hassle, so it' really a matter of personal style.

kenzie · Chanel

I get hit on at work every. single. day. And not just by co-workers, by clients as well. The industry I work in is absolutely male dominated and the field part of it is blue collar. Even though I'm in an office with a white collar job (and white collar co-workers), many of the guys I work with used to work in blue collar and that just carries over.

At our recent events, there was a total of about 150 people there; Three of them were women (including myself). I definitely got asked out on a date by a few clients, was told how beautiful/hot/gorgeous/etc I am, overheard them discussing me among themselves (even a few co-workers got in on this one), got a few emails asking me out the next day, etc.

I've learned to just deal with it, mostly by ignoring it and remaining professional. If I were to react and get angry, in the end, it would really only hurt me. Most of them really aren't too terribly obnoxious about it. If anyone ever is, I let them know it. I just take the whole thing in stride and let it roll off. If I were to cry sexual harrassment about it, I would be in my boss's office everyday filing complaints and then how would I get work done? As long as I don't feel uncomfortable, I won't say anything about it b/c most of the time, it really doesn't bother me.

Hermes

NylaBelle wrote:

I get hit on at work every. single. day. And not just by co-workers, by clients as well. The industry I work in is absolutely male dominated and the field part of it is blue collar. Even though I'm in an office with a white collar job (and white collar co-workers), many of the guys I work with used to work in blue collar and that just carries over. At our recent events, there was a total of about 150 people there; Three of them were women (including myself). I definitely got asked out on a date by a few clients, was told how beautiful/hot/gorgeous/etc I am, overheard them discussing me among themselves (even a few co-workers got in on this one), got a few emails asking me out the next day, etc. I've learned to just deal with it, mostly by ignoring it and remaining professional. If I were to react and get angry, in the end, it would really only hurt me. Most of them really aren't too terribly obnoxious about it. If anyone ever is, I let them know it. I just take the whole thing in stride and let it roll off. If I were to cry sexual harrassment about it, I would be in my boss's office everyday filing complaints and then how would I get work done? As long as I don't feel uncomfortable, I won't say anything about it b/c most of the time, it really doesn't bother me.

wow - that much attention is the workplace is highly unusual... you don't think the co-worker you've been messing around with told people you were an easy lay behind your back or anything, do you? not to be harsh, but stuff like this happens and that's an unbelievably huge amount of attention - especially considering it's taboo to act like that in today's work culture... just a thought...

Hermione · Kate Spade

NylaBelle wrote:

I get hit on at work every. single. day. And not just by co-workers, by clients as well. I definitely got asked out on a date by a few clients, was told how beautiful/hot/gorgeous/etc I am, overheard them discussing me among themselves (even a few co-workers got in on this one), got a few emails asking me out the next day, etc. I've learned to just deal with it, mostly by ignoring it and remaining professional.

wow, that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable? if i were you i'd definitely say something - maybe not every single incident, but go to your boss and be like "hey, i don't know where everyone who works here and all our clients are getting the impression that this is ok, but it's not. i'm a professional and i'm here to work, not get hit on every two minutes."

kenzie · Chanel

detroit wrote:

wow - that much attention is the workplace is highly unusual... you don't think the co-worker you've been messing around with told people you were an easy lay behind your back or anything, do you? not to be harsh, but stuff like this happens and that's an unbelievably huge amount of attention - especially considering it's taboo to act like that in today's work culture... just a thought...

There is no way that he said anything. This all started, literally, from the day I walked into the office and it hasn't gotten any worse or any better since I dated him. Actually, our HR coordinator/Office Manager warned me about the way it is there in my first meeting with her in the first hour that I was working. Not that she was condoning it. She was just stating it to make me aware of it and that if there is ever any issue to let her know.

I'm the youngest girl by 15 years there and like I said, it's extremely blue collar. Ironically, the co-worker that I dated/have been hanging out with doesn't say anything the least bit inappropriate. Never has, never will. This stuff comes mostly from the older men (40ish and up) and from clients. Actually, none of the guys who are my age ever act inappropriate.

Yeah, it's a ridiculous amount of attention, but I'm used to it now since it's been going on since day one. And like I said, it's kind of the nature of the industry (think construction workers).

ETA: Hermoine, my boss knows. But I'm not going to waste my days complaining about getting hit on. I ignore it, they move on, I get my job done. It's hard to really explain the situation without being able to witness it firsthand. Anything extremely inappropriate has been reported.

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 20:29, 2006-04-17

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 20:30, 2006-04-17

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Yeah, Nylabelle's experience is unfortunately pretty typical for places I've worked too - it has nothing to do with the person, it's the industry and the culture - once you get outside of the largest cities, some pretty outrageous behavior is still pretty acceptable.

kenzie · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

Yeah, Nylabelle's experience is unfortunately pretty typical for places I've worked too - it has nothing to do with the person, it's the industry and the culture - once you get outside of the largest cities, some pretty outrageous behavior is still pretty acceptable.

I agree. My company (and I'm not saying that everyone that works there is like this) definitely lacks a 'city-vibe.' I work in a small town in a suburban/rural area in Central PA. Not exactly a thriving metropolis. There's definitely a lack of culture and what's okay here definitely wouldn't fly in a big city.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Nylabelle, I'm from Central PA originally (York, to be specific), and I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel bad for you that this happens at work so constantly, but it sounds as though you have handled it the best way you can, and that the higher ups are aware of it.

My first job ever was a summer internship at a company in my hometown where half the floor was the office, and the other half was their factory. Every time I had to use the bathroom I had to walk through the factory floor, and all kinds of stuff would get yelled at me by the men who worked there. Lucky for me, the noise of the machines covered up most of what they said, although once I distinctly heard "girl is in the house." As far as harassment goes, that's very mild!

Metric, that comment about you bending over is so foul. What a skeeve to say that to you. I like the suggestions of staying cool and responding with "I don't find that appropriate" or "Excuse me?", something along those lines. If it keeps up, though, if it were me I'd eventually call the company to complain.