STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ILoveChoo · Hermes

how the heck do I deal with this?

Drew · Gucci

Just do it. Consider it a test in character strengthening. You have to talk to people about something you don't want to and that will require courage and confidence; who could'nt use polishing in those areas?

See, there's always a bright side.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

with people who work here though?! I could understand doing it with people who work someplace else, but I'm supposed to call up people that I already know and am friendly with to schedule an interview with them? Way to advertise to the whole world that I'm unhappy with my job...

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I don't know the history of your situation at work, but it sounds like you're unhappy there and your boss knows it? It sounds as if she really doesn't want to lose you, and that's why she's doing this. She probably hopes you'll learn something that will make you want to stick around. So while it's annoying, that's also a compliment to you. I'd just go ahead and do it, esp. since you plan on moving in six months anyway. It will show that you've tried and you're into personal development, or whatever buzz term your HR department has for that kind of thing (at my old job they loved that sort of thing). Also, it will work in your favor if you ever have to ask this boss for a recommendation.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i'm confused.

is she asking you to do this because she knows you're unhappy with your job, and she wants to show you what options are out there within your company? is she doing this to keep you in the company?

curiouscookie · BCBG

I agree just do it and think of it as practice for building confidence for any future jobs you might apply for or just approaching people in an ackward situation and coming out of it looking and sounding super in control! If you feel strange approaching people you know and work with, maybe you can preface it as an exercise by "the boss" for career development...This will make it seems like she needs this done.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

shopgirl82 wrote:

i'm confused. is she asking you to do this because she knows you're unhappy with your job, and she wants to show you what options are out there within your company? is she doing this to keep you in the company?

no. not at all. I work for a very small office (3 people) in a very large university. If I took a job outside of this office, it would make no difference to her than if I took a job somewhere else.

To try to explain the situation more- I work in fundraising. In a very small, specialized office of fundraisers in the fundraising department. She wants me to go talk to research people and others that don't have anything to do with this office or what we do.

also, it doesn't seem weird? I guess I've just never heard antyhing like this before so I was just kind of like "why on earth would I talk to people at work about things like this?". If its actually common, whatever I'll do it to shut her up and make her happy.

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 13:14, 2006-04-11

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 13:16, 2006-04-11

NCshopper · Hermes

I think she just wants to take someone under her wing to feel better about herself. She wants to have "mentored" someone and to have them grow up and be nice and successful and say "I owe it all to Ms. Blankety-Blank." I think it's annoying and condescending, actually.

If you want to continue working there until you guys move, then you're probably going to have to do the interviews. In that case, just suck it up and do it. You don't have to tell her how eye-opening the experience was or anything like that, but just do it. Or you could say something along the lines of "That's fine, I'll do the interviews, but it means I won't be able to complete Project XYZ by this time." Or "If I do the interviews, do you mind handling XYZ responsibilities for me while I'm out of the office?" If you make it a pain in the ass for her, then maybe she'll reconsider.

If you don't care if you work there for the next six months, then you can refuse to do it. Tell her you have enough stuff on your plate, and you're pressed just to take care of your responsibilities and that you have a clear idea of what you want to do and would find this interviewing process unneccessary. She probably won't fire you, but who knows.

I dunno. I have a big problem with people who force a mentor-like relationship on me. The people that I see as my mentors are people who didn't try to be and I find that when it's forced on you like that, it's a BIG sign of their own insecurity. Blech.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 13:21, 2006-04-11

blubirde · Chanel

I think it's super weird. I wouldn't know what to say or do if one of my bosses suggested such things. That said, I think the other girls are right in that I don't see a way out of it. I wouldn't want to do it either but it can't hurt, right? It sounds like it won't help anything (except making your boss happy) but it also sounds like it can't hurt anything, other than your patience. Take a xanax and make those appointments, girl!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Am I remembering this correctly? You don't like it there, right? And you're not a good fit with the office? If it's fundraising, my guess is that it's an environment full of a lot of things that, from your posts, you probably consider bullshit. Is this right? Because I have a different take on her, but I dont' want to say it if I have the situation misread...

Also, why does this bother you this much? Because it will require you to spend time on something that seems pointless, since you're going to move? If it helps, odds are at least one of the people you interview will know someone in your new town. And that someone probably won't be very useful, but could know someone... you get the picture. So it might actually be helpful.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 15:36, 2006-04-12

ILoveChoo · Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

Am I remembering this correctly? You don't like it there, right? And you're not a good fit with the office? If it's fundraising, my guess is that it's an environment full of a lot of things that, from your posts, you probably consider bullshit. Is this right? Because I have a different take on her, but I dont' want to say it if I have the situation misread... Also, why does this bother you this much? Because it will require you to spend time on something that seems pointless, since you're going to move? If it helps, odds are at least one of the people you interview will know someone in your new town. And that someone probably won't be very useful, but could know someone... you get the picture. So it might actually be helpful. -- Edited by Dizzy at 15:36, 2006-04-12

The situation is weird. I don't not like it here, I just don't like her.9no one else does to and I could go into it n detail in pm but don't want to post that stuff here) I love fundraising and will probably stay in the field but move over into doing something in the arts (for a theater or museum) when I move.

I know that it's not completely pointless and that I could probably get something out of doing it. What bothers me is that she took it upon herself to decide that I needed to. She didn't ask if this was a field that I enjoyed or would I like to be able to take some time out of my already too busy day to talk to people. She decided that it was something I need to do- I had no say in it. And she outright TOLD me that it was becasue she "wants to be like my Mom and help me explore my options". I already have a mom. One is enough. And I know what I want to do. I'm going to do this to make her happy and yeah, I'll probably get some good info out of it. It just pisses me off that I'm being forced to. Plus, I have never heard of doing info. interviews with co-workers so I thought that was weird, but apparently it's not...

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 16:06, 2006-04-12