STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

RyanJ · Coach

Helping a friend lose weight

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

she is just like my ex. He always wanted to "lose weight and be healthy" but when it came down to actually doing something about it he would either A) take the easy way out and talk me out of eating a healthy meal/exercising that day or B) go on Atkins for a while and drop 10-20 pounds and then stop because he lost some weight (honestly he needed more than just dropping 10-20 pounds to be healthy).

What I learned is you can't make anyone exercise or diet if they don't want to. It sounds like your brother's gf talks the talk but won't walk the walk if you know what I mean. I would quit pushing her and just let her come to you from now on. Its not your responsibility to take care of her.

RyanJ · Coach

Aurora wrote:

I would quit pushing her and just let her come to you from now on. Its not your responsibility to take care of her.

That is how I feel most of the time, but because of her weight I am missing out on doing things w/ my brother. We have a lake house that my brother and I would go to every weekend in the summer and she use to go too. Now that she has gained the weight she doesn't want to be in a bathing suit. She doesn't go, so many times my brother doesn't go. My brother, his gf, my bf and I would do other things- hiking, kyaking and other kinds of outdoor activities, but because of her weight she doens't go and many times my brother doesn't go.

Part of my reasons are selfish, but I really do like her. My brother and her are going to be married in the future, so she is going to be in my life. I want her to be happy and healthy.

-- Edited by RyanJ at 22:35, 2006-04-06

shopgirl82 · Chanel

it sounds like she is not ready to do it. she wants to, but she's not ready to do it for herself. in which case, you can't make her. all the phone calls in the world are not going to help her if she's not ready. plus, the few times that she does go exercise with you, she'll just undo it at home with her diet if she's not ready. i don't mean to sound harsh, but i think you're wasting your time.

that being said, if you think she'll get mad at you for not calling anymore when you go to the park, i would continue to call. i would just know in my head not to get my hopes up because she's not ready to do it for herself.

also, maybe your brother and her can find a fun activity to do. maybe for her if you keep on finding activities until she finds something that she enjoys, it will help her focus that exercise can be fun. then tackle the food issues. i think it's easier to tackle the exercise issue first, and then the food issue quickly follows. i know that when i work out, i eat healthier. the problem could be that when focusing on diets constantly, you're constantly thinking about food. but if you focus on how fun exercising is (once you find the activity you enjoy), you're focusing on something much healthier.

i wish i could be of more help, but i think the only way you'll be effective is when she's REALLY ready.

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

That really sucks that it is taking away from you doing things with your brother. f this wasn't your brother's g/f I might have a different response. Since it is affecting your relationship with your brother- I would still call her but just not as often. When she does say yes just mention something about your last outing when you didn't call her. Then maybe she will ask why you didn't and you can exlain you feel like you are haggling with her to go. If she doesn't ask maybe she will wish she had been there- inspiring her to call you instead.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I would not give up on her. Maybe suggest a picnic and a walk? With a picnic you can bring yummy healthy food, and maybe she will be reminded tasty and easy they are? Who would want a cheeseburger, fries, and coke over strawberries, sandwhiches, and ice water?

Maybe somebody just needs to teach her healthy eating habits and go grocery shopping with her. I think weight mostly depends on what and how much you eat.

Maddie · Coach

I wouldn't give up on her per se, but I don't think it's your responsibility. Honestly, her attitude sounds a lot like mine. Just call when you're going to go do something, but don't count on her going. You said in your post "Should I keep trying to get her active?" Don't think of it like that. You're just providing her an opportunity. Her weightloss or lack thereof has nothing to do with you and never will. If you get upset about her not losing weight, it's only going to make your life harder.

Also, something I personally hate more than anything else is when people (my mother) push me to be healthier. It doesn't matter your intentions, or if she wants to be healthier too. When it happens to me it's just the most depressing thing in the world and I feel like a failure, it's not in any way motivating.

-- Edited by Maddie at 19:32, 2006-04-08

PrincessPink · BCBG

I think first you need to talk to her about what her level of commitment is and what her expectations are of you. I have a terrible time with keeping motivated. I used to have a personal trainer, but ever since I bought a car, I can't afford that anymore. I have a friend who I empowered to call and badger me to death, not accepting no for an answer. It's working! We have gone running together twice so far (Sunday and Monday) and are going again tonight. The other thing that I did was sign up for this new thing I read on Daily Candy ages ago (http://www.dailycandy.com/article.jsp?ArticleId=23202&city=4). It's a customized personal trainer session and cardio workout on DVD that gets mailed to you once a month - kind of like NetFlix. I like it! It's a great supplement for an in-person session and a lot more affordable! (only $25/month). It might work for her - she can work out at her leisure at home. I can also keep you posted on how my progress goes if you are interested.