STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Okay, you wedding meanie you , what should I say to them?

My dad was the one that asked his sister (my aunt, this cousin's mom) if he was seeing anyone in the email he sent to get addresses from them.  She's the one that told him that he had a girlfriend.  Then my dad forwarded it to me with her email that said an 'and Guest' would be nice, and to throw one in for my other cousin (said aunt's daugther, other cousin's sister) too because it 'couldn't hurt'.  Bless his heart, but I'm not inviting people we don't know, unless they're married. 

I'm afraid that my dad is going to start asking if my other cousins are seeing anyone when emails them for addresses.  So, should I email him and let him know that we aren't inviting anyone 'with guest', and are only inviting significant others if the couple is married or has been living together for awhile or we know both halves of the couple?  Or should I just not say anything and risk people feeling put out since my dad specifically asked if they were seeing someone and their guest didn't get invited anyway?

FH and I made up the guest list on our own, and then asked them to tell us if there was anyone not on the list that they would like to have invited.  That was months ago though, and still they randomly ask "Are you inviting my highschool friends daughter and her husband and child?".  I let my mom know that I'd put them on the B-list and if we had enough declines from our A-list I might be able to invite them, but I also let her know that our A-list is already up to 165 and we have another 20 on the B-list, and MUST keep our guest list under 150.  She was totally fine with that because she didn't realize how big it already was and what our limit is, but I don't think she shared that tidbit with my dad.

As it is, the vast majority of our list is my family and we've had to put friends of ours on the B-list just to accomodate the family that's already on the list. 

I don't want to make him feel bad because I think he really likes having a 'job' to do to help out, and it's his family (whom we aren't close to because they're far away, so I don't want him to feel like I just don't want/care about his side of the family being there).  Does this sound okay? 

Dad,

I really appreciate you rounding up the addresses for me!  We actually weren't planning on inviting anyone 'with guest' - we're trying to keep the turnout down to 150, but we already have 165 on the A-list and another 20 on the B-list so it's going to be a tight fit.  For right now, we're only inviting 'guests' if the couple is married, have been living together for a long time, or we know the person's significant other well.  If the guest list loosens up a bit and we end up with a lot of declines, we will definitely consider throwing a couple 'and guests' into the mix.

-- Edited by Elle at 14:08, 2006-03-30

sounds perfect. and i hate that your friends have to be on the "b list" - that's another reason I didn't have a big wedding. Poor elle! the big family curse / blessing!

My friend was recently married. He is shall we say, ahem, thrifty in matters involving being spendy where other people are concerned. For himself the sky is the limit but the thought of feeding a bunch of stranger/family members made him ill. Soooo, whenever his mother would say "Oh, you have to invite so and so to the reception" he would say "Okay , that will be 50.00 please" It worked. I think his parents ponied up a few dollars for some family he was just not going to invite, but they limited their requests. Of course, this friend also seated his friends in front of his family members at the ceremony. So, he wasn't worried about tradition or what people would think. Which honestly was really refreshing. I truly feel this is your day and you should have final say about it all goes down! And have fun, Elle! From perusing this board I know you to be a kind person(and a bottomless pit of information!)who is always willing to help anyone. You deserve a happy stress free wedding day!!