STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

myspace on Dr. Phil, etc...

Elle · Hermes

I personally think Myspace-type sites should be 18 and up. It's just so potentially dangerous, and the fact that most kids don't take that seriously or know how to protect themselves makes it more so for them.

Most professionals suggest not letting your kid have a computer in their room, and instead keeping it in a more 'public' room of the house. You can adjust your internet filters to filter out more or less bad stuff too.

laken1 · Hermes

Yeah, I think filters & such are crap - the reality is that most kids know more about the filters than the parents do & can easily get around it if they want to.

I wouldn't want my teenager on a site like this but I really think it's nearly impossible to keep them off unless you are looking over their shoulder 24/7. I agree it's dangerous & I'm really glad I don't have to worry about it - i don't think my kitties will be getting on...

On a side note I saw a segment on GMA about perspective employers finding people's myspace pages & disqualifying candidates based on info on there - like references to partying & such. Scary.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

My parents didn't let me on the internet until High School and while that won't be possible for me to do with my kids I will try to keep an eye on them and where they can go online. My parents kept the computer in the living room right next to the kitchen door way so they could see what we were up to. We also weren't able to stay up late on there. When they went to bed we had to be off the computer.

halleybird · Hermes

I think every teenager at my school has one. Most of them are pretty tame, but some are really scary. My sister showed me one, who is a girl who goes to her school. The girl (age 16) has basically nude photos of herself up, and anyone can see it. My other sister has friends who will post things like, "Call me at home! My number is 555-555-5555, etc). It's scary!

If I were a parent, I wouldn't restrict my child from having one (seriously, it would be social suicide, as much as I hate to say it). But I would require them to give me the passwords and the address and I would check it REGULARLY. I would also teach them how to set it to "friends only" etc. Most kids I know are pretty smart about it, though.

honey · Gucci

i wouldn't restrict my kids from having a myspace page, but i would put limitations on it. i think part of maturing is having freedom to explore. that being said my kids wouldn't have their own computers or tv's. well i should say they wouldn't have either of those in their room where they could use them unmonitored.

Alegria · Kate Spade

My son and all of his friends are on myspace. They are in Jr. High. 13-14 years old. The rule at our house is I have his password and can log on whenever I want to read all messages and check out his friends myspace's. Our computer is in the living room. He is not allowed to use my laptop. I have blocked his my space from being accessed by strangers. I know many of his friends parents have the same rules. I see this just as dangerous as chatrooms and IM which many kids have access to. I actually prefer it to IM and chatrooms because I can easily track what he has messaged people and vice versa. I have gone on and deleted some of his friends that I thought were posting completely inapproppriate things. He actually keeps in touch with 3rd cousins and kids that he knew when he was just a babe this way. Normally he would have no contact with these kids. His friends parents and I are really good about notifying each other about things that we hear and see, and not just about myspace. I am very fortunate that we have a close community (especially being in Orange County) where we look out for each others kids. I know that it will get a lot tougher once he is in high school. It is a new scary world and I know that there will be even more things to worry about when my 7 year old is a teen. I just try to stay on top of things and really talk to him about what is appropriate/safe and what isn't. I cannot sheild him from everything I just have to try to make him wise and aware about the many things that can happen in this world. Heck, I know our parents remember a time when you could stay out all day, walk to the store or park by yourself as a kids and the parents didn't have to worry. Times change.

Elle · Hermes

shpgqueenet wrote:

My son and all of his friends are on myspace. They are in Jr. High. 13-14 years old. The rule at our house is I have his password and can log on whenever I want to read all messages and check out his friends myspace's. Our computer is in the living room. He is not allowed to use my laptop. I have blocked his my space from being accessed by strangers. I know many of his friends parents have the same rules. I see this just as dangerous as chatrooms and IM which many kids have access to. I actually prefer it to IM and chatrooms because I can easily track what he has messaged people and vice versa. I have gone on and deleted some of his friends that I thought were posting completely inapproppriate things. He actually keeps in touch with 3rd cousins and kids that he knew when he was just a babe this way. Normally he would have no contact with these kids. His friends parents and I are really good about notifying each other about things that we hear and see, and not just about myspace. I am very fortunate that we have a close community (especially being in Orange County) where we look out for each others kids. I know that it will get a lot tougher once he is in high school. It is a new scary world and I know that there will be even more things to worry about when my 7 year old is a teen. I just try to stay on top of things and really talk to him about what is appropriate/safe and what isn't. I cannot sheild him from everything I just have to try to make him wise and aware about the many things that can happen in this world. Heck, I know our parents remember a time when you could stay out all day, walk to the store or park by yourself as a kids and the parents didn't have to worry. Times change.

Wow - it sounds like you are handling this so well! Good for you!

halleybird · Hermes

shpgqueenet wrote:

My son and all of his friends are on myspace. They are in Jr. High. 13-14 years old. The rule at our house is I have his password and can log on whenever I want to read all messages and check out his friends myspace's. Our computer is in the living room. He is not allowed to use my laptop. I have blocked his my space from being accessed by strangers. I know many of his friends parents have the same rules. I see this just as dangerous as chatrooms and IM which many kids have access to. I actually prefer it to IM and chatrooms because I can easily track what he has messaged people and vice versa. I have gone on and deleted some of his friends that I thought were posting completely inapproppriate things. He actually keeps in touch with 3rd cousins and kids that he knew when he was just a babe this way. Normally he would have no contact with these kids. His friends parents and I are really good about notifying each other about things that we hear and see, and not just about myspace. I am very fortunate that we have a close community (especially being in Orange County) where we look out for each others kids. I know that it will get a lot tougher once he is in high school. It is a new scary world and I know that there will be even more things to worry about when my 7 year old is a teen. I just try to stay on top of things and really talk to him about what is appropriate/safe and what isn't. I cannot sheild him from everything I just have to try to make him wise and aware about the many things that can happen in this world. Heck, I know our parents remember a time when you could stay out all day, walk to the store or park by yourself as a kids and the parents didn't have to worry. Times change.

You are SO smart. I have never been a parent, but I work with teenagers every day and you are handling this so well. Some parents freak out and won't let their children do anything, which IMO makes the problem worse. Others just don't care. I wish there were more parents like you.

relrel · Marc Jacobs

halleybird wrote:

I think every teenager at my school has one. Most of them are pretty tame, but some are really scary. My sister showed me one, who is a girl who goes to her school. The girl (age 16) has basically nude photos of herself up, and anyone can see it. My other sister has friends who will post things like, "Call me at home! My number is 555-555-5555, etc). It's scary!If I were a parent, I wouldn't restrict my child from having one (seriously, it would be social suicide, as much as I hate to say it). But I would require them to give me the passwords and the address and I would check it REGULARLY. I would also teach them how to set it to "friends only" etc. Most kids I know are pretty smart about it, though.

just a sidebar to teachers, parents....myspace actually has an age limit, it's set at 14. anyone under 14 should be reported to "tom" for removal. you can also report users who are misrepresenting thier age or any sort of inaproprate content. at the bottom of each page is a link for just such a situation. halley, id recommend actually reporting the semi-naked girl to "tom". also, have you suggested to your sister that she should delete those comments?

seriously, ive come across some really scary stuff with teenagers, it's no wonder that parents get so upset over myspace stuff.

Ally S · Kate Spade

I have a nearly 15 year old daughter and she is on myspace.com with her correct age, meaning her profile is hidden due to their age restrictions. She is also on my friends list which inadvertently gives me access to her space so I can monitor. Kids need to have their own space to grow, but parents need to supervise and remind them about safety issues.

The greater problem I have is that working with kids and teens in a public library with free, unrestricted and unfiltered access with 32 computer terminals on my floor, I see EVERYTHING!

There are fights daily over who is who on someone's myspace. We have had gang related violence because someone talked someone down and said they can be found in my library all afternoon. We have had grown (in their 20's) men come in looking for underage girls they have met on myspace.

Kids reveal SO much personal info about themselves on the site. They show all sorts of nearly clothed photos, give class schedules, cell phone and home telephone numbers and all their IM names. They feel impervious to the perils the internet hold.

Face it, myspace is a predator's paradise!

We have dealt with this problem daily...try staring down Crypt's members when they come in looking for retribution for someone bad mouthing them! Geez!

We are holding an open mike MySpace forum in late May to discuss the pros and cons of misinformation, too much information, parental concerns, kid's concerns and public safety. We have parents, kids, state police, local police, a psychologist and our staff presently scheduled.

We contacted myspace and asked for a representative or a statement and got nothing!!!

halleybird · Hermes

relrel wrote:

to set it to "friends only" etc. Most kids I know are pretty smart about it, though. just a sidebar to teachers, parents....myspace actually has an age limit, it's set at 14. anyone under 14 should be reported to "tom" for removal. you can also report users who are misrepresenting thier age or any sort of inaproprate content. at the bottom of each page is a link for just such a situation. halley, id recommend actually reporting the semi-naked girl to "tom". also, have you suggested to your sister that she should delete those comments? seriously, ive come across some really scary stuff with teenagers, it's no wonder that parents get so upset over myspace stuff.

Well, all of my students are at least 14, so I don't really see that, but it's interesting. Oh, and the phone numbers don't get posted on sister #2's myspace (she doesn't actually have one), but her friends post them. I told her to tell them to delete IMMEDIATELY!

relrel - can you report it if you don't have a myspace account? I'd report it, but I don't have an account (and don't want one). I doubt sister #1 would report it herself, as someone could find out and it might cause some giant rift in the social continuum.

ETA:(I am like the editing queen today.I need to finish my thoughts before posting). We have discussed myspace many times in my classes, due to all the news events, and the kids really feel like most "older" teenagers (16+) are smarter about personal info, while the younger ones are not. This doesn't just go for myspace, it's everything -- blogs, AIM, etc.

-- Edited by halleybird at 20:01, 2006-03-17

relrel · Marc Jacobs

halleybird wrote:

relrel wrote: to set it to "friends only" etc. Most kids I know are pretty smart about it, though. just a sidebar to teachers, parents....myspace actually has an age limit, it's set at 14. anyone under 14 should be reported to "tom" for removal. you can also report users who are misrepresenting thier age or any sort of inaproprate content. at the bottom of each page is a link for just such a situation. halley, id recommend actually reporting the semi-naked girl to "tom". also, have you suggested to your sister that she should delete those comments? seriously, ive come across some really scary stuff with teenagers, it's no wonder that parents get so upset over myspace stuff. Well, all of my students are at least 14, so I don't really see that, but it's interesting. Oh, and the phone numbers don't get posted on sister #2's myspace (she doesn't actually have one), but her friends post them. I told her to tell them to delete IMMEDIATELY! relrel - can you report it if you don't have a myspace account? I'd report it, but I don't have an account (and don't want one). I doubt sister #1 would report it herself, as someone could find out and it might cause some giant rift in the social continuum. ETA:(I am like the editing queen today.I need to finish my thoughts before posting). We have discussed myspace many times in my classes, due to all the news events, and the kids really feel like most "older" teenagers (16+) are smarter about personal info, while the younger ones are not. This doesn't just go for myspace, it's everything -- blogs, AIM, etc.-- Edited by halleybird at 20:01, 2006-03-17

i would assume that you could report things that you saw on a page, without having an account, because you can view pages without the account. did that make sense? the link is at the bottom of all the pages so i would just try clicking on it to see what would happen. if you just write down the URL of the pages that you have viewed and then go to them and click on the link it should work.

incidentally, i recall you saying something about some of your students putting up teachers sites? there is also some info on that on the help page, just go to the homepage, myspace.com, and click on help.

Alegria · Kate Spade

Ally, just to let you know, when you go on to a friends my space you don't get to see your daughter's messages, you only get to see the comments. I find the messages to be more insightful to the going on's of kids than the comments.

Elle and Halleybird-It means a lot that you think so. Thank you.

Ally S wrote:

I have a nearly 15 year old daughter and she is on myspace.com with her correct age, meaning her prfile is hidden due to their age restrictions. She is also on my friends list which inadvertently gives me access to her space so I can monitor. Kids need to have their own space to grow, but parents need to supervise and remind them about safety issues.

-- Edited by shpgqueenet at 23:02, 2006-03-17

Ally S · Kate Spade

I am more into who is posting what on my kid's myspace then what she is posting actually. With this I get more of a feeling of what is going on with people who are in touch with her and what is actually being said to her.

Its like a window into other people's "souls. Happily, things are ok, but I have asked her to drop a few people that I felt were innappropriate for their postings and age.

shpgqueenet wrote:

Ally, just to let you know, when you go on to a friends my space you don't get to see your daughter's messages, you only get to see the comments. I find the messages to be more insightful to the going on's of kids than the comments. Elle and Halleybird-It means a lot that you think so. Thank you. Ally S wrote: I have a nearly 15 year old daughter and she is on myspace.com with her correct age, meaning her prfile is hidden due to their age restrictions. She is also on my friends list which inadvertently gives me access to her space so I can monitor. Kids need to have their own space to grow, but parents need to supervise and remind them about safety issues. -- Edited by shpgqueenet at 23:02, 2006-03-17

theotherjess · Chanel

I guess I have a different perspective than this since I'm still in high school. If my parents asked for my password on myspace, I wouldn't give it to them and I'd be a little weirded out. I guess if you have younger kids then it's probably a good idea to monitor them but once they get in high school you kind of just have to trust em, you know? My myspace doesn't have anything bad on it but it's still set to private because I would occassionally get messages from people I didn't know and I felt weird. Some kids have pictures of them in bathing suits or like sexy poses and that's not being very smart. It's kind of gross to me how much you can find out about someone on the internet but you just have to be smart about it and at some point I guess you have to help your kids make good choices and then let them make those choices.

I hope that made sense. Part of me feels like I went off on a tangent.