STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Sorry about the gap in gossip posts guys, but I've been feeling a bit under the weather.

Can a girl possibly look any less interested? I suppose no one is surprised to hear that just a week after this picture was taken Uma and her beau, Andre Balazs, called it quits. Maybe he needed a little Binaca or something.

Just in case it was not clear at the Oscars, Sharon Stone is a little nutty. Here she is pretending she is a ten year old boy playing soccer during her recent trip to Israel. Maybe she saw how frightful she looked at the Academy Awards, and decided to put a youthful spin on her image. Let's hope she doesn't break a hip.

Speaking of aging ungracefully, I usually love me some Madonna. I know that she can be a little out there fashion-wise, and sometimes she seems to be speaking another language . . . but dang, I never knew she should be starring on the Sci-Fi network. This is usually when I'd add some snarky comment about her phoning home, but the photo has scared the wits out of me.

Betcha don't think it can get any worse than that. Guess what. Tori Spelling is getting her own reality show, so noTORIous, on VH1. Why does she have a show? Can we please send Donna Martin back to 90210 and leave her there? Either that, or have Shannon Dougherty show up and try to kick her *ss. Now that I'd watch.

What could I possibly show you that is scarier than a D-list celeb with a bad boob job? A D-list celeb who has a bad boob job that is deflating before our very eyes. Vivica, where are your friends? Did no one notice that your chest is caving in? When you got dressed didn't you think that your brest looked a little concave today? Please do not look if you are faint of heart or just had lunch. And if you have any humanity at all, please call Dr. 90210 for this woman ASAP.

Okay, now to counteract all the horror we've all just witnessed, here are some cute pictures of a possibly reuniting couple. Aw, how sweet, but do not squeeze too hard DJ AM. Nicole looks a little brittle. Too much pressure and her whole body may go the way of Vivica's boob.

Here's an even more adorable couple who are quickly becoming one of my favorites. Heath and Michelle having a good time courtside at a Lakers game. Who needs a stinking Oscar when you've got love, right?

I know I wouldn't need an Oscar if I was on the arm of either or these men. Or hey, even both. I'm greedy. Too bad Jake decided to stab me in the heart yet again by supposedly canoodling with Keira Knightley at a post-AA bash. I suppose I'd rather lose him to Elizabeth Bennet than his best friend.

Hello, gorgeous. I guess Miss Lavigne is going the way of ANTM. She's signed with Ford and taken some beautiful pictures for her portfolio.

Another starlet who might be getting into modeling very soon is Miss LiLo. It's been said that LVMH wants Lindsay for their next ad campaign. Let's hope she'll be striking a different pose.

But don't expect her to get all nekkid, not even for a luxury handbag. LiLo has said that she will only strip down if she'll win an Oscar. Does she know that there's a little more involved in winning that little gold statue? Something called talent, maybe? 'Cause if being nude is all it takes, her friend Paris would be rolling in Academy Awards.

Hottie of the Day: Perhaps my prayers have been answered and Colin Farrell has decided to look hot rather than like the Unibomber. Thank goodness for some Pantene and a Gillette. Here's Colin filming his new movie Ask the Dust with fellow hottie Salma Hayek.