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Drew


Gucci

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Watching Horrific Events On TV (Fight w/DH)
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I am such a wreck this morning. 


Last night I watched one of the most horrific scenes I have ever seen.  I am already starting to tear up just thinking about it.  A video was played on CNN or Fox News (it's always one of the two) where a police officer tried to murder a man in cold blood.  I don't even want to get into the details; I don't think I could bear to write it down.  I screamed in what DH describes as a blood curdling scream, then I ran upstairs and basically lied in a fetal position while crying my eyes out.   DH knows I am terribly sensitive to horrific acts.  I really don't deal with them well at all.  I have been known to plug my ears and hum when I sense something terrible is about to be talked about or shown on the news.  DH knows to change the channel when they are talking about death and destruction on TV.  Yet, he let me watch it. 


I couldn't eat my dinner because I felt sick to my stomach, and instead watched silly cartoons upstairs trying not to think about what I saw.  I fell asleep and thought I was ok this morning.  But when we talked about it DH just minimized my feelings telling me millions of people watch that and stuff like that all the time.  I told him I don't get less sensitive, I get more sensative, and I just can't handle this stuff at all.  I would never subject myself to that, but DH has permanent remote control power and so the news is ALWAYS on at our house.  I mean to the point where we may hear the same stories twice or even three times in the same day (the same reel played again).  DH kept giving me excuses.  He said he didn't know that was going to happen, but had told me he had already seen it, so he lied.  He knew exactly what was going to happen and didn't warn me or do anything but just let me watch it. 


I feel really betrayed and disrespected.  It's like my feelings don't matter because he doesn't see the big deal.  He just kept making stupid excuses and every single thing he said was the absolute wrong thing to say; things like, "it's no big deal, he didn't die," "lot's of people saw that,"  "that's not the worst thing I've seen."  Just crap like that to minimize my feelings and make it seem like I am over reacting.  In his mind I'm sure I am.  But, to be very serious I would rather not live than live to bear witness to horrific, cold-blooded, heartless crimes on a daily basis.  I cannot handle it that much. 


So, I've been crying all morning, sometimes thinking about that scene, and sometimes thinking about how I am going to have to live like this forever and have him subject me to the horrific news everyday. 


Furthermore, what is up with TV playing video of people being shot?  I saw another scene recently where people carrying guns were shot by police, and in one scene a man was shot to his death.  I can't even believe they play that on TV.  I truly believe in free speach, but I just don't understand what the benefit of showing a murder on TV is, I don't understand why the reporters don't warn people that what they are about to see is people being straight up shot.  Have movies desensatized people that much?  (I never watch violent shows/movies)



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jen


Kate Spade

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I'm the same way. As much as I love to be informed and up to date on current events, I simply cannot take it. The video I watched about the puppy fur in China haunts me daily. It's more healthy for me, and it sounds like you as well, to just not subject ourselves to it. Most people don't undertsand it, but that's just how senestive we are.

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ILoveChoo


Hermes

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(((hugs))))


some things really don't need to be shown. I hate watching the news. I'd much rather read the paper...I do not need to see that stuff!! I'd be upset too.



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blubirde


Chanel

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I'm so sorry Drew!


I'm one of those people that thinks horrible things NEED to be shown on the news. I think people in their plastic bubbles need to know what's going on. And no matter what movies Hollywood makes, I don't think anyone is ever desensitized to that kind of violence. I think people just learn to stick their heads in the sand a little more.


All that said, I completely understand how seeing something like that could be really horrible for you. I do think there should be a warning like "potentially graphic/offensive material coming up" or something, just so people will at least not be blind-sided, like you were.


I think the bigger issue is not that you saw something terrible, although that sucks, but that your DH doesn't get how big a deal that is to you. My SO is a big news person also and we have come to some kind of understanding about it. He can watch news when he gets home (before me), maybe a Nightline or such everyone once in awhile, and the news when I'm in the shower, in another room, not around, etc. Otherwise, if we're together in front of the pretty picture box, we watch something for entertainment value, or at the very least ('cause we're both into History Channel and Discovery Channel type shows), something we can both agree on.


I get my news online and via NPR. I don't personally need to watch dumb local news or CNN or Faux news or something like that. I understand the boy likes it and that's cool. He can just watch it on his own time.


Can you try sending your DH an email that describes things like you did for us? Would that be an effective form of communication for the two of you? I don't think it's that he's disregarding your feelings, per se, just that he doesn't get how big a deal is, even though you've told him.


Good luck and (((hugs)))!



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lynnie


Chanel

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blubirde wrote:

I'm so sorry Drew! I'm one of those people that thinks horrible things NEED to be shown on the news. I think people in their plastic bubbles need to know what's going on. And no matter what movies Hollywood makes, I don't think anyone is ever desensitized to that kind of violence. I think people just learn to stick their heads in the sand a little more. All that said, I completely understand how seeing something like that could be really horrible for you. I do think there should be a warning like "potentially graphic/offensive material coming up" or something, just so people will at least not be blind-sided, like you were. I think the bigger issue is not that you saw something terrible, although that sucks, but that your DH doesn't get how big a deal that is to you. My SO is a big news person also and we have come to some kind of understanding about it. He can watch news when he gets home (before me), maybe a Nightline or such everyone once in awhile, and the news when I'm in the shower, in another room, not around, etc. Otherwise, if we're together in front of the pretty picture box, we watch something for entertainment value, or at the very least ('cause we're both into History Channel and Discovery Channel type shows), something we can both agree on. I get my news online and via NPR. I don't personally need to watch dumb local news or CNN or Faux news or something like that. I understand the boy likes it and that's cool. He can just watch it on his own time. Can you try sending your DH an email that describes things like you did for us? Would that be an effective form of communication for the two of you? I don't think it's that he's disregarding your feelings, per se, just that he doesn't get how big a deal is, even though you've told him. Good luck and (((hugs)))!
I agree with this, though I have NO stomach for it either.  I'm like you too drew- can't handle it.  I would just ask him to not have the news on all the time, or i'm not sure how you are situated, but can you set up a tv in a place that you don't have to encounter?  I NEVER watch scary movies and i hate violence.  I still think people should see it though, just because it sadly happens everyday all over the world, and maybe it could motivate people to try to change the world in positive ways.  Did the news mention that they were about to air an extremely graphic video?  Could you perhaps write a letter to them?  I know they do that for tv shows, which are usually fiction. 

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Drew


Gucci

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Thanks for the replies.  I was actually feeling much better by simply engrossing myself in all things Stylethread and that took my mind off things.


DH came in to see me and try and make things better.  Which he did.  He now totally, completely understands just how important it is to me to not see this stuff on a daily basis.  He kind of knew before, but now he really gets it. 


We've agreed to him not watching the news while I'm in the room.  I explained to him that I never, ever argue when he doesn't want to watch what I want (I usually give him the remote when he whines because TV just isn't important to me, but he LOVES it), yet when I ask him to change the channel he disrespects me as though my request is petty.  He felt bad when I explained it to him in that way and agreed to end it immediately. 


We're good now.



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halleybird


Hermes

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blubirde wrote:

I'm one of those people that thinks horrible things NEED to be shown on the news. I think people in their plastic bubbles need to know what's going on. And no matter what movies Hollywood makes, I don't think anyone is ever desensitized to that kind of violence. I think people just learn to stick their heads in the sand a little more.

I agree 100% -- sometimes people (and I don't mean you, Drew) tend to blame the media for awful events, when of course those events happen whether we see them or not.


But it should also be a choice, and I am sorry you had to see it. I hope you're OK now.



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alb


Marc Jacobs

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Wow, Drew, I thought I was the only one that had issues with this.  I admit that it is not as difficult for me as it is for you though.  I do try to pray for the safety of people that I find out are placed in peril, but it just breaks my heart.  I have been so worried about that female reporter who was kidnapped about a month ago in Iraq, for example.  I often cry about these things and my husband just doesn't get it.  You're very fortunate that your hubby finally understands your feelings and will agree to do that for you.  Anyway, just wanted to say "hang in there"--I know how you feel!

-- Edited by alb at 09:08, 2006-03-09

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