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Post Info TOPIC: My mom has a "boyfriend"
Becca


Kate Spade

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My mom has a "boyfriend"
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Please don't think I'm the biggest b!tch ever, but I'm just upset.


My dad passed away almost two and a half years ago and she is finally dating again.  It bothers me that she's dating because I feel like she had a lot to do with my father's death, and if she had treated him better, he'd still be around.  But anyways, she's been saying she's lonely, blah blah blah.  So, fine, date.  (Not that my approval is needed...)


I don't live at her house anymore, in fact I moved a few states away just to get away from her...we don't have the best relationship.  I don't mind she's dating, but I didn't want her to just be dating anyone because she's lonely.  She's dated some nice guys that I see comparable. God, this is wrong for me to say, but now she's dating this guy that she is just so much better than.  At first, she made it clear that she did not want anything to do with him, but they could be friends.   Well, I guess she's feeling charitable and is having him do all sorts of random work around our house.  So he's around a lot and they hang out, talk, etc.  Now, since he's showing her all this attention, she likes it and isn't seeing that she's too good for him. 


How they met though is weird enough.  He called her number on accident and she told him he had the wrong number.  Well, he called her back and said she sounded cute or interesting, I don't know, and then they started talking.


I live in a small town and like it or not, you're judged.  You could say my mom is a local celebrity, if you don't know her, you know of her.  So I guess it bothers me that she's dating this guy who IMO is just going to ruin her reputation and make my family look bad.


The guy is missing teeth, for goodness sake!


Anyways, I just don't feel comfortable with this guy in my house.  I have lots of valuable stuff, that I am now taking back with me. (I came home for the weekend b/c I'm having a "low-life crisis".)  I just heard someone come into the house and it's him, my god.  Would you get a real job?  I just don't see how it's safe for my mom to leave our house unlocked and this guy can just come in whenever he damn well pleases.  Oh and he'll just say I had to go buy this, this, and this, who knows what she's really paying for.


What else I don't get is that she's still talking to other guys.  It's almost as if she's just keeping this guy around because she needs the company, but once one of these guys gets their act together, it will be bye bye toothless guy.


I guess I just feel that my mom deserves a lot better and could do a lot better. 


So please don't rip me apart for feeling the way I do...


 


 



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Fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds. -Buddha
Tati


Chanel

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RE: My mom has a "boyfriend"
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dont worry, i'd feel the same way! toothless?! Yikes!

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Metric


Gucci

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I don't know what it is but I have hated every guy that my mother has ever dated. I think she has really bad taste in men b/c all of her dates have been complete losers. Fortunately for me, she has given up dating. I guess it is selfish but c'mon...it your Mom. She deserves so much better. How is she supposed to set an example for you to have a healthy relationship when her bf is a toothless weirdo?


I don't have a solution for you. But I totally understand and I completely feel for you.



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Becca


Kate Spade

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Tati wrote:

dont worry, i'd feel the same way! toothless?! Yikes!

Well, apparently he's missing a few bottom, and you "cant' tell.  But that's just my nickname for him.


Thanks for your words, Metric.



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Fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds. -Buddha
D


Hermes

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he sounds like a con-man/player to me.  you said everyone knows who she is. they all probably know she has some money.  people like people who make them feel good about themselves, plus he is trying to demonstrate how he can add value to her life by doing things around the house.  I think she's getting off on the ego boost (even if he is ugly and poor - a stroked ego can make women blind.) anyway - she's liking the ego boost, he knows it, and he's working his way into her life. he may not be into her for anything but her money. I think he thought "rich lonely widow" and made the wrong number call - it seems like such a classic scam.  He might have even found her in the obituaries - he might be doing this with several women, and then focuses on the one with the most money.  the phone call thing is really fishy - I really think he's manipulating her.  she needs to be careful...

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"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
manhattanmonkey


Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 490
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I've been there. It is weird but I guess if you're out and don't have to see it/deal with it everyday, you gotta let her make her own decisions.

My mom contacted (or maybe he contacted her, I'm still confused on this) a guy she had a crush on several months after my parents divorce was final.

She didn't want anything to do with the divorce until it seemed like my dad wasn't going to make any efforts to get back with her (it's a long story, but all is well - neither one of them did anything really wrong, it just wasn't working anymore). So, now all of a sudden, she's moving on so quickly. She talked to this guy and after we had spent an entire weekend together, she tells me once we get home that she's talking to this guy and really likes him.

I was in shock. A couple months later she announces that they will probably get married and he's coming out to visit. He came in on the 6th, married on the 13th, and were on their way back to Nevada on like the 23rd. She hadn't seen the guy for 30 years and had only seen a photo of him, he on the other hand came sight unseen prepared to marry her. (They ended up moving back to where I live 2 months after they moved back to Nevada because she wanted to be closer to me)

They've been happily married for 2 and a half years and doing well. I guess it all depends on the people involved, but I know, it is weird.

I'm also sorry to hear about your father, that must be difficult to see her moving on.

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
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RE: My mom has a "boyfriend"
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aclassicbeauty wrote:
He called her number on accident and she told him he had the wrong number.  Well, he called her back and said she sounded cute or interesting, I don't know, and then they started talking.



Normal people do not do this. You say just about everyone in town knows or knows of your mom? Are you sure he's not a conman of some kind? And well, not to criticize your mother, because I have fallen for some terribly dumb lines, but maybe a little more care could be taken...

This happened to a friend of mine (well, not friend, I never liked her, someone I knew maybe is better) and it turned out to be a schizophrenic nun-in-training who was calling people on the church's mailing list, posing as a man, and convincing them to change their lives for the better and send her money. The order found out and had to call everyone she had called to explain.

So, not to freak you out more, but maybe there's a reason alarm bells are going off for you.

Oh, I just saw that Detroit said the same thing! Ew, I dont' like this, but it's never happened to me so maybe it's ok....

-- Edited by Dizzy at 13:57, 2006-02-16

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sfclinevandy


Coach

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Posts: 1789
Date:
RE: My mom has a "boyfriend"
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it turned out to be a schizophrenic nun-in-training who was calling people on the church's mailing list, posing as a man, and convincing them to change their lives for the better and send her money.
Umm, this may be the funniest thing I've ever heard. It would make a fabulous Lifetime movie!

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SFC
esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2053
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i 100% agree with detroit.  not only do i think he's scamming her but i am worried about your mother's safety.  i really don't mean to freak you out but i just have to tell this story.  when i first interviewed for my clerkship after law school, the day i interviewed the judge was dealing with a death penalty case.  it was of this man who murdered this older woman.  she was lonely, divorced, her kids were grown up and not living with her and this man paid attention to her and so she gave him odd jobs in and around the house.  he sounds exactly like the man you've described (except this man didn't have missing teeth, but still same kinda look).  one night he came to her house drunk, she let him in and he strangled and beat her to death.  the pictures were brutal.  her kids never even knew that their mom had let some random man have access to her and her home.  i just remember looking at him and thinking my god, i'm in the same room with a murderer of a 67 year old woman.  anyway, he pleaded to life w/o parole while the jury was out deliberating whether to sentence him to death or not.  i'm really really sorry to share such an awful story but i'm worried about your mom and think some serious precautions need to be taken.



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Cortney1982


Chanel

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Posts: 3178
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EEewww, it's a conman!  That guy definintly did not call your mother by mistake!  I bet he's a charmer and won't be finished until he has all of your mom's money.  The day he has access to her cash, is the last day she will see him!

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