STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I'm sorry honey!!  I hate how that always happens (thinking you are ahead and then not being). 

I don't have any real advice, but take it one day at a time and you will eventuall have one of those up days.

So what's going on with the bf? 

You can always PM me if you want to talk =)

Aw, I'm sorry. It's funny because you are one of the last people I would think would feel like doesn't have it all together.

The best advice I've ever gotten about this feeling was when someone told me to pick one thing that will make my life feel better - seriously, something small, like replacing a leaky travel coffee mug, or slowing down long enough to have a cup of really good tea in the morning, or eating better, or joining a book club, or goign to a movie every week. Just something that will make you feel good whenever you think of it. And do that. Before that advice, I would always focus on fixing all the little things that were irritating me, thinking that I would feel better when they were done. But it takes too long. So I'd get more irritated and try harder to fix them and wear myself out and it would turn into a mess...

As for the big picture stuff - getting married, life evaluations, those are the kinds of questions you have to let set for a while, really. It seems like rushing to a decision will make you feel better (from a girl who eloped, btw, so I know what I'm talking about). But it won't. Just let it simmer and then pop, all of a sudden, you'll have a little realization while you're thinking about something else, probably, that what you really want is... and ta da.

And I hope you feel better. there's nothing worse than that everything-is-closing-in-on-me feeling that happens when too many things aren't going right at once. Big hugs sweetie! If it helps, you have absolutely fab hair! (so that's something important that's under control, right?)

-- Edited by Dizzy at 16:01, 2006-02-03

You've already gotten such good advice, but I just wanted to throw a little tidbit out there.

Try to remember that this too shall pass.  I have a tendency to think that whatever situation I'm in will be the same for the rest of my life, which is just a total lack of perspective on my part but whatever.  It's hard to pull yourself back and achieve that kind of perspective when everything feels unsteady - since there is essentially no frame of reference when everything feels bad.

As for the relationship stuff, I just want to say that in every long-term relationship feelings will ebb and flow.  It doesn't necessarily mean that it won't work or that you aren't right for each other, and most likely soon enough things will start to turn and be better again.  I don't think going through a rough patch or even just feeling blah about your relationship has any effect on the 'rightness' of it all.  It's hard work being committed to someone else, so assuming you're supposed to love it all the time is just too much pressure!

Hang in there

bex wrote:

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thanks guys.  you made me feel better just by reading your kind words. dizzy: this made me smile Aw, I'm sorry. It's funny because you are one of the last people I would think would feel like doesn't have it all together.  i think the more you appear on the outside to have it all together- the more on the inside it is all crashing down around you!  whenever i feel on top of my game- with fab hair, nails manicured, good outfit, etc.- the more i am a mess on the inside- i am worried about my bills or my job or my boyfriend or whatever i pick to be plaguing me then... you know what always cheers me up?  a manicure... so elle in legally blonde, but i don't care- it does... and i haven't had one in a while so i guess a mani is in order   it doesn't fix all the problems... but it makes me feel a bit fab again...

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This describes me to a t.  I really like Dizzy's advice:  work on one thing at a time.  No matter how small it is, if doing some small little thing will make you feel even the tiniest bit better, then do it.  The important thing is not to let everything build up and get you feeling overwhelmed. 

Hey, if you ever need to, feel free to pm me.  There's hardly ever a week that goes by nowadays that I don't spend a day feeling like this. 

No advice, just a big {{{{{{HUG}}}}}

halleybird wrote:

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I don't know if this is a temporary thing that you're going through, or if it's a personality trait, but I know how you feel. I cannot ever remember feeling satisfied, or not feeling like there was something out there that was better. For a long time, I thought that meant there was something seriously wrong with me, becuase people usually take that to mean you are unhappy with your life or yourself, which was not the case for me. Now, I realize it can be a really good thing, because it makes me driven, and it makes me goal-oriented, and because of it, I know exactly what I want. I think, especially at this time in our lives, that is so, so important. I guess what I am trying to say is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over questioning things. I think that for some people, it's just how we're made, and it makes us stronger in the end.

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as i was reading HB's post and others.... it made me really really happy to know that i am not alone in this.  maybe its the "anoynomity" of the board but when i share these types of feelings with my IRL girlfriends, I feel like what I am saying is falling upon deaf ears- or rather ears of people who don't have these feelings.  and then i question myself b/c i think i want too much or am too hard on myself.

thanks for letting me know i am not alone. 

last night, when my BF came home from work, I continued to lash out at him until we left for dinner.  on the way he pulled into a store like tjmaxx that we have in town and took me in and started pulling clothes off the racks and putting them into my arms.  i had about 15 items when he was done.  he then pushed me off into the dressing rooms and as i tried on each piece a little bit of my anger and depression sort of dissapeared.  by the time i left the dressing room (and only 2 items out of 15 worked for me!) i felt so much better.  he then walked up to the cash register and paid for them.

i asked him why he did that and he said it was the only thing that he knew would instantly cheer me up.

guess he was right...  

I'm glad he noticed something was up and tried to make it better, even if just short term.  Hope you had a great weekend!!

Well no advice either  but I hope all things go better and I love the shopping part- sweet boyfriend and even better that he actually picked them out for you to try on Also I know what you are going through as well some days Iam happy and some days I feel blah. I just get overwelmed with bills and money issues. Hugs to you, oh are you still flaunting that new sexy hairstyle?

                                                                                                                             

 Bex wrote :..and i haven't had one in a while so i guess a mani is in order   it doesn't fix all the problems... but it makes me feel a bit fab again.

                                                                                                   

           I know when I get my hair done, or buy something it makes me feel better even if it is for a short time

 

i got this way last year a lot!  i just wanted to share the correlation that i noticed between your situation and mine (despite, age, years with bf, job stress, etc..). 

last year my bf was traveling a ton for work.  and while he was busy working, on my days off, i would seriously get into a funk.  we would talk for a whole 5 minutes RIGHT before he passed out, and then due to weather, flight delays, etc...i would be that girl with half a bottle of wine, snacking on cheese and crackers while i waited for his flight to get in on friday nights so that we could go out together.  well, a lot of times our friday nights would be me waiting, his flights being delayed, empty bottle of wine + shopgirl82 passed out in bed with her going out clothes on (i felt very much like SJP when she was wearing that HUGE dress waiting for the russian).  not at all what i had built the night up to be.  if that didn't happen, a lot of times he would come home sooo tired from waking up at 6am everyday, working till 12, and flying home, that he would come home and pass out, or be useless to go out to dinner with.  the worst part was that i couldn't really get mad at him because it's not what he wanted to be doing either.  it was a necessary work evil.   

that was friday night.  saturday he would catch up on errands with me, and sunday he would catch up on work.  our relationship was better off when we were dating long distance i swear!  i freaked out hard core because i was in a new city, not many friends, uncertain of my work situation, i was that girl who moved to be with a guy, and it definitely wasn't all that i thought it would be. 

m-f would be me thinking too much about us, which then led to things in general that i didn't like about my life, etc... 

i know that you travel a lot for work, which means a lot of alone time to think on the road, in the hotel after work, etc...i'm sure that the traveling isn't helping things much.  i'm not saying that you need to quit your job, but maybe try to busy yourself with books when you're on the road so you don't have so much time to think.  (that sounds so bad that i'm telling you to stop thinking so much, but you know what i mean, it seriously gets you into trouble).  maybe having a friend that you can call, or keep a journal, or something that you can escape to. 

as for the other girls suggestions, i agree, especially with the part about tackling one aspect of your life.  for me this helps with the bigger picture! 

take care of yourself and don't hesitate to vent to us because it totally helps to feel like you're not alone in these situations.